I Like Control, But So What!

I mean doesn’t everyone like to take control of their life and plans and not just leave it to chance that they will be able to eat, live and have a career? I’ve been often told that I’m predictable. That I follow a set pattern when it comes to making plans and don’t tend to deviate from those said plans. Yep, and what’s the problem with that?

No, I’m not spontaneous. No, I don’t like surprises and no, I don’t tend to go somewhere on the whim. I am neurotic and my friends know and accept this about me (which they should because they are my friends) and they will let me know in advance of parties, play dates or drinks. I love that. If it’s not on my calendar, the likely hood of it happening are slim and none. Does it freak me out when I meet someone who doesn’t like to make plans? Absolutely.

But, I can’t change them. I want someone who will meet me halfway. Know that I like to plan and sometimes plan something or allow me to plan it. Yep, it sounds creepy and controlling, but it’s not. It’s just allowing me to feel comfortable about our plans. Heck, I just planned a getaway to NJ in January with my bestfriend to go to this restaurant that has over 30 different grilled cheese sandwiches. Yep, I’m a foodie who plans her food jaunts.

I probably should be in therapy about my need to feel in control, but I can save myself lots of money and time wasted because I know what the issue is…Lack of control happens when people don’t plan. Families break up. You go hungry. You can’t afford anything. You can’t afford doctor’s visits. You can’t afford extracurricular activities. You eat free and reduced lunch.

You grow up. You make great choices. You vowed to live each day better than the last. You control what you can around you. You control your life.

But, what happens when you lose control? What happens when things fall apart that you thought were supposed to work because you took the time, did the research, resolved and analyzed the outliers and it still fails?

You cry. You scream. You accept the inevitable.

You move forward. You grow. You make it through.

You create a new path. A new plan. You research, analyze and test your hypothesis knowing that it is all trial and error.



Parenting Now vs. Then

One of the things that often bother me is the unsolicited advice from well meaning parents. At least I think they are well meaning. You know the parents that offer their opinions when you didn’t ask for it. The parents that assume that they way they did things is the way it should be. I have to admit, I don’t like those parents. Parenting is a responsibility between those that create the baby. Parents decide how they will raise their children and what they think is best. One of the best things that I learned as a new parent is to trust my instinct. I have been going back and forth with some friends on whether or not you should spank your child when I ran across this interesting article “8 Reasons to Spank Your Kids” . Here are the reasons:

1. Love.
You have to love your child enough to be tough and do what is necessary to get the desired result. Parent first, friend second.

2. You want to be respected.

To be feared (in the sense of reverence) is to be respected. Your children should be weary of going against your rules. It also teaches them to submit to authority regardless of whether or not they agree.

3. You want to teach them how to make good decisions.

Our destinies are determined by decision-making. Children have the option to obey or face the consequences, and they need to know consequences hurt.

4. You want them to have self-control.

When you are aware of what is on the other side of making a poor decision, it is easier to exercise restraint.

5. You want them to be accountable.

Every decision has an outcome, good or bad. Just as your reward your child for the good, you must also acknowledge and address the bad.

6. You want to set standards.

Children need limits to learn how to grow up with restraint. They will never be able to do whatever they want. Teach them to live by the rules set in place.

7. You see strength not weakness.

Western parents seem to assume fragility rather than strength. Spanking your child properly is not going to damage their self-esteem. Accepting mediocrity and dismissing poor behavior teaches them to indulge in being weak.

8. It works best.

Some kids need it, period. When time-out, talking and taking away toys doesn’t work, you have to get that butt.

Lee and I have always believed in the old phrase “Spare the rod and spoil the child”. We believe in spanking because we got spanked and it worked. When I became a mom, I started having second thoughts on whether or not it was socially acceptable to spank or was I doing more harm than good by hitting his bottom. I decided that spanking should be a last resort, not a first response. I want Brennan to understand why he’s getting a spanking and that it “hurts me to have to spank him more than it will hurt him to receive it”. I think as parents we want the best for our kids, but is spanking good for them?