Remembering I’m Enough

I am enough. That was one of the hardest things that I had to tell myself. As someone who is extremely self-confident, I seemed to lose it when I got married. He became bigger than me. Not because he wanted too or even asked me to. It was me. My choice. I thought that’s what you do when you get married. You sacrifice yourself for the greater good of the marriage.

But, I was wrong. Marriage is much more than that. How can one be expected to have a healthy and functioning relationship when you’re jacked up mentally? If you lose a piece of yourself in the process of attaching yourself to someone else, how can you be expected to know that you’re enough?  Truth is…you can’t.

I couldn’t. I didn’t. Because I was broken. Broken people can’t seem to realize that their enough. Life and storms knock you out and you feel as though you are drowning. You can’t swim. Why did this have to happen to you? Why not? This was the question that I truly had to answer. Was I above trials and tribulations? I knew from church and prayer that the road wouldn’t be easy, but dang. I couldn’t drive over those spikes without getting a flat.

Until I realized that at least I have the ability and tools in my car to fix and repair that flat. I didn’t have to drive on that flat tire, damaging the rim. I could pull over and keep repairing the tire or use the spare. You see it right? The Aha Moment…I could do it. My attitude towards my situation and life’s circumstances had to change just like that tire or my soul would be damaged.

I realized that I deserve to be forgiven and I deserve to forgive because I’m enough. Knowing and believing that you are enough in the midst of difficult situations can impact your self-esteem in a major way. You doubt the little things. You act out because you feel like you’re not enough.  But, balance is what I’ve learned. Faith renewed. Spiritual growth. They happen when you stop acting out and expecting everyone to fix or understand the messed up you.

Once you start to grow and walk with the confidence you truly have, it shows. People can see the light in your eyes when you genuinely laugh. They notice your change in hair color or clothes. They notice that effervescent smile plastered all over your face. They want to know what it is it about you. You were broken and messed up last time they saw you. What changed? You know what you tell them?

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links:  Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

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22 thoughts on “Remembering I’m Enough

  1. I can’t begin to tell you how much this resonates. I couldn’t realize in the thick of it that I was enough and that his value of me was untrue. I look back and realize very clearly that I was the first woman who didn’t “break” in the way he was used to…so he stuck stayed a lot longer than he usually did in a relationship. What he didn’t realize is that I did break in my own way. I lost so much of me that I couldn’t see to find my way out.

    When I look back now, I can see the shell of myself I once was. I hate that for myself. But I know enough to never be that person again. I know enough to know that I’m enough.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, Lord. We get to that point that we have to realize that we are enough. I tell people that I never wanted to be divorced, but I’m better for it. I sacrificed who I was and what I believed for our marriage and that wasn’t fair to either one of us. I matter. He matters and we mattered. I don’t know if that was a societal belief, a defect in me or just a misunderstanding on what is required in relationships. But, you have to love you first because no one will ever love you more than you love you.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Excellent post. I just wrote a post where i described how i deal with defeats in my life. I am kind of Feniks,when something bad happens to me i look at this through learning process. I will cry and yell but i will got a point. Yes, people notice change when you pass through this and get out more stronger.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Very astute observation and so very true. Even when you are the most capable one in the room, you can lose yourself to a traditional role. I see it over and over. I have a friend at work — a super-intelligent lawyer who really knows her stuff — and she lets her husband rule at home as if she almost didn’t have a say. It’s such a conundrum to me, but I put it down to societal customs and social mores. Still, we have to show our children what we want them to be, not just teach them. Thanks for this great post to start my day!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Reblogged this on Purple Cravings and commented:
    Dear Queens,

    I know I have been on my best phantom behavior lately, but I cringe each day I realize I have not connected with you all. So, to bandage my draining heart I figured I’d share with you a masterpiece of a write and realization by Queen Sis Tikeetha! Biwaha Queens.

    —♥Egypt

    Liked by 1 person

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