This is a continuation from my post yesterday entitled: I’m Your Crutch
I played with his words over and over all night and called my best friend the next day to get her opinion on it. I wanted to know was I unintentionally holding my friend back from happiness. I’m not talking about temporary thrills with temporary women, but the strong and consistent love you can experience when meeting your equal. Was I subconsciously hindering his relationship success?
My best friend said “Nope, that’s him. You’re not doing anything wrong so you can’t worry about it.” I sighed and wondered was it truly that simple? Now, I have to be honest…my male best friend has avoided love like the plague. He has chosen to date women that are not available, not honest or down right looney as hell because he can find excuses of not pursuing anything with them because they are “crazy”. Don’t believe me?
There was the woman who he dated for almost a year and he still never opened up about his life. So she decided to ask the dating questions (you know…1,001 questions to ask someone you’re dating) to get to know him. Well, she asked him to name someone who has known him the longest and who is not a family member. His oldest friendship. He said “Oh, that’s easy. It’s Tikeetha.” She was shocked. He said she had never heard him mention me so she wanted to know all about me. He said he told her that I was a friend that he’s known since 8th grade. That was it.
She obviously wasn’t satisfied. So, she asked my stats. He said “She’s a mother, a writer and very smart in business.” Well folks, that’s how you get women wondering who the hell is this broad. She asked was I married. He said nope, she’s divorced. She asked had we ever dated. He said in high school. She asked was I ugly. He said “No, why would you ask that.” She said because men and women can’t be friends and I must really want to be with him which is why I’m hanging on.
Really sis? Ugh! We have to do better people.
She realized he wasn’t saying anything more about me so she asked him “Can I meet her?” He responded “Should we ever get to that point, sure.” I died laughing. I couldn’t believe this. I mean I’m all about my relationships being private, but he had to know that she needed reassurance that I didn’t want her man and even more importantly…that he didn’t want me. I never met her.
Then there was the woman that he had told about me and she was over his house and saw my holiday card with Munch and I on it. He told me that she kept starring at the card. She said that Munch looks like him. Are you kidding me? My son looks nothing like him. I asked him “Did you tell her that’s impossible because my ex and I did IVF and that he favors my ex?” He said no. He said that if she was that insecure to believe that he would have a son out there in the world and not claim, what kind of man does she really think he is? But, I was more concerned about what kind of woman she thought I was. Where is all this insecurity coming from? Did women really feel this way about me? Can men and women just be friends and both of them be attractive individuals?
– To Be Continued –
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A Thomas Point of View 
Yes, they certainly can. However, the success of their romantic relationships then will depend on the how secure the person they’re dating is!
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I truly believe men and women can be friends and yes, they may happen to both be attractive. That is no one’s fault. Her insecurities have nothing to do with you and all to do with whatever she has going on in her life.
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Thank you so much. I like to think my male friends are attractive and make good partners for other people.
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Girllllllllllllllllah I love your life! I am just so happy that you are able to break down all of the fallacies from not only the other women, but your best friend as well (no shade, no tea, no disrespect intended).
Yes, women and men can be platonic friends, even after being romantic or even sexual partners. It’s all about both parties’ characters, honesty and respect levels. I used to pick with Frank all of the time and call him a man of many women, because he had a number of close female friends from childhood. Nevertheless, I gave him the 1001 questions and then some—still to this day we have those conversations purely for pick-your-brain sake. I met everyone of them, including the ones who he has been intimate with—and that gave me so much peace, clarity and security. Not to mention, the ones I did not trust he knows and they know it too —and their distance is respectfully kept. He knows about all of my relationship and has met anyone who I am still friends with as well. ♥
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LOL. My life is interesting. But, thank you. I agree that women and men can be friends. I would love to meet some of the women, but I don’t think they would like me. I would never want someone that he loves to feel threatened by our relationship.
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I am sure the one who truly loves him for all the right reasons, and equally the one he is willing to open up to will love you!
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“But, I was more concerned about what kind of woman she thought I was.” — Why?
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I guess I just think that before I would ever hate or feel some way about anyone that I would get to know them first. Women have got to stick together and it hurts me more when women don’t believe that. Does it make sense?
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I can be very insecure at the beginning of a relationship too. It really is how the man handles it. When I first met my husband and started asking about his female friends, he let me know exactly where I stood in his eyes in our relationship and that was number one. That’s all I needed. Maybe your friend isn’t reassuring them when they ask and if that’s the case, no wonder they don’t feel secure in the relationship and it doesn’t last. Maybe it’s him and not you.
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You’re probably right. His lack of security for them creates fear and hatred of me without even meeting me. It’s him.
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I believe in some instances men and women can be friends but at times lines can get blurred.
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True
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Women and men can be friends, but I’ve found that there’s always one person who wishes/wants it to be more. I think as long as everyone’s upfront and honest about intentions and there are clear boundaries, then yep.
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But, even with some of my male friends I don’t think we ever set out what our friendships would look like. We just gradually accepted that we’re better off as friends.
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