Dating Chronicles: The Series

I hope you enjoyed reading my series entitled “Dating Chronicles” and some of the things that I endured when dating. I’ve always tried to be very honest and transparent with you because I want you to know that I’ve been there and done that too. I am an eternal optimist and I believe in love. No matter what. Despite the trials and tribulations and false starts, life is truly about finding your footing and figuring it out. You have to keep climbing. No matter what.

I didn’t think that at this point in my life I would find someone that I would so perfectly fit with, but I did. Not that I’m perfect, but Mr. C loves all my many personalities and it just works. We choose to strengthen both our foundation with each other and our relationship with God. We speak every morning on the phone and read our daily devotional and pray together before starting our day.

We’re trying something different. Something that neither of us really did in past relationships. We’re taking it slow, practicing celibacy and just getting to know each other. There is no rush to it. There is comfort and consistency.

I like the G spot (girlfriend spot) and I love that he still courts me and woos me after so many months. He’s been my rock and my friend. He makes me feel safe. He respects me. He’s a man of his word and every day we wake up and make a conscious decision to choose each other. No matter what.

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Stay tuned to my story because I’ve only given you a glimpse into my dating life, but there are so many more stories to tell. I hope this gave you an opportunity to know me a little more. To be able to relate to me.

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If you want to check out the series, they are here:

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Auditioning for the Wife

On Saturday, I had a great service project with members of my sorority and other Greek fraternities and sororities. It was a joint effort where we went and cleaned up the Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial in D.C.. It was a beautiful day and over 70 people showed up.

Afterwards, a few of my sorority sisters and I went to lunch. We were talking about men and women relationships when one of my sisters said something so profound and true. She said “Sometimes, women are so desperate to marry or prove that they are marriage material that they audition for the wife role in relationships.” Boom.

There it is. That was truth and knowledge about what I’m seeing now in relationships. I’m sure it’s always been there, but now more than ever I see women doing that. Why? Why do you feel the need to audition for a role you may not even want from the man that you’re with?

I know that dating has changed over the years. Black women are now earning more than ever and find it hard navigating the dating world. We are told that we have to sacrifice or lower our standards in order to find a suitable partner. Both of which I will say “Not true.” In many instances, we find ourselves fighting over the eligible pool of available men. So, we get creative in trying to woo the one that we want. How can we let him know that he should choose me? How can I prove to him that I’m wifey material? 

I know. I’ve seen many women do it. We have to stop trying to audition for the wife role ladies. Look, there’s nothing wrong with finding a man and falling in love and wanting to show him that you’re about substance. You want him to imagine a future with you. A future full of possibilities. You want him to imagine home cooked meals, clean clothes and a clean house. You want him to see you as your partner. An equal that has his back.

I get that. But, sis you have to trust that if you are the one for him none of that matters. Now, that doesn’t mean that you can be selfish. No, on the contrary you should show him the part of you that makes him imagine a future with you because of who you are not of what you’re doing for him. You don’t have to cook and clean his house, watch his kids, or take care of him financially. How is he showing you that he’s a man?

As a woman who has been married and divorced, I will tell you that I didn’t audition for the wife role with my ex. I didn’t know how to be a wife any more than he knew how to be a husband. Did I do things for him? Yes. But, when you do too much for a man it takes away from him being allowed to be the man he’s supposed to be. A man figures out how to manage his life without you.

Can you make it better? Absolutely. But, should you do that in the dating phase? No. You haven’t even gotten a ring yet. No amount of auditioning will make him choose you. He may even choose the woman after you.

My perspective is of course different because I am in no way rushing down the altar again. Been there done that. I have a wonderful man that will wait on me and for that I am glad. But, I don’t have to audition for the wife role for him. Mr. C sees me as the woman he wants to be with and spend his life with and you know what? I didn’t do anything special.

I just got to know him and love him in the space that we created. That’s it that’s all. I didn’t have to drop it like it’s hot or cook lavish home cooked meals for him. In fact in the almost two years we’ve been dating, I’ve never cooked a meal for him.  I actually told him that I probably won’t cook a lot, but would be willing to take turns cooking. He accepts that. He knows that I encourage his spirit, pray for him, love him and just allow him to lead us. That guiding principle has allowed us to create boundaries and respect the space we’re creating.

I don’t need to audition. The role is mine. I’m just not ready to get married again. But, the thing is this…he knows what he’s getting and I know the same.

 

Do you believe that women audition to be the wife in a man’s life? Have you ever done it? What did you do to break the cycle of auditioning?

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

 

Him

A great post to let you know what I was thinking about Mr. C in the early stages of us dating. It was new. He was nice. But, looks aren’t always what they appear to be. Check this post out… Source: Him

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links:  Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Playing Games

I had a conversation with my male best friend this weekend about this woman he’s dating. He was telling me that he’s cutting her off because he doesn’t like the games she plays. I asked him what game is she playing? He said “the game of passive/aggressive I’m going to try to get you to step up and say that you want me to be in a relationship with you exclusively” game.

I sighed.

He was struggling. He hadn’t had a successful relationship since his marriage ended six years ago. He never allowed anyone to get close. He didn’t believe in love.

It was always the same story with women. They get too close and he finds a way to break it off and run for the hills. However, she was new. She had lasted a while. It had been six months. He said she was smart, beautiful and successful. He had hinted that there were things wrong with her though.

She had her issues. “Everyone has issues” I said. “I know, but I don’t like a woman that tries to control my life or tell me what I will and won’t do.” I asked “What did she say?” He told me that she told him that once that are in a committed relationship that I can no longer come over to his house and visit. Umm.

“Well, if that’s what ya’ll do I’m cool with it” I said. “No one tells me who can come over to my house. She doesn’t pay this mortgage and I don’t like that. It’s not like you come over all the time.” I laughed.

He’s right. We’ve been friends 29 years this August. A long friendship. Many twists and turns and we’ve managed to not kill each other. It says a lot. I trust him. He has my back. Not sure if I met him or Nikki first, but the bond is deep. The bond is real. Friends for almost 3 decades and you want to put limits on that friendship. I’m not sure how I feel about it. But, I respect his choices.

He’s right on some things. Wrong on others. But, is she playing games? I don’t think so. I think that she really likes him and just wants an exclusive relationship. She wants to know that she’s number one. Many women want that.

She was wrong to try and tell him what to do, but he doesn’t communicate well. He’s always testing women. I think there’s something to be said about two people sitting back and having a conversation about the future of their relationship. It may not come out the way you want, but you can’t say that you didn’t tell each other how you feel. We’re too old to not tell people how we feel.

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links:  Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Is It A Date?

Is it a date if you go out with a man that you’re friends with and he pays? You’ve never been intimate and have no desire to be other than friends with each other. Would you consider it a date? What if you’ve been friends for more than 5 years?

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links:  Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Man Up!

A great read about a man’s responsibility in life. This is a new blogger, Josiah Harry, that I just discovered and I am hooked. Check out his blog Skylarity!

A well-rounded man is an artist, warrior, and philosopher. -Benvenuto Cellini

Source: Man Up!

 

 

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links:  Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Dating Chronicles: Insecurity

Have you ever dated a man or woman with real insecurity issues? I have. I dated a few men who had issues with women because their past relationships were so jacked up. They literally were living in a perpetual state of unhappiness and decided that deep down inside all women were bad.

It was hilarious at first and then a little depressing. How can we even begin to build if you are making me pay for the mistakes of your past girlfriends? Prime example, a couple of years ago I met this great guy on-line and we went out on a date. It was a combination between our first and second date.

How’s that possible? Well, we had stayed up the night prior talking all night. I mean it was like 5 hours of conversation. I fell asleep and then called him at 2:45 the next morning. He called me back at 4 am and then we talked until again until about 7 am. He was such a great conversationalist so I told him that either we had to meet for breakfast or I needed to get some sleep because I was exhausted.

We agreed to meet up and grab breakfast and all was cool. My breakfast sucked, but he was nice. After breakfast he said he had to run his Saturday errands but wondered if I would go out with him that evening. I agreed.

We went to dinner to this cool pizza place because pizza is my favorite food. It was a beautiful summer in DC and we decided to go for a walk by the White House and just enjoy the city. We talked and laughed and just enjoyed each other’s company. We had such a good time that we didn’t want the date to end.

So, he suggested that we grab drinks at the Sofitel (a luxury hotel). I agreed and we went to the bar and had a couple of drinks and began laughing and just enjoying the company again. There was no awkard conversation or long pauses that made me sigh and say “Well, I really should be getting back.” We just meshed well.

All in all I thought it was a great first/second date. I agreed to see him again. But, that didn’t last long.

My custody agreement made me unavailable for the week as I didn’t believe in sacrificing Munch’s time for a date with a man that I wasn’t in a relationship with so I had to postpone our next date for the following week. We spent the time talking on the phone and texting to build a friendship. No pressure.

Then one night in our sweet getting to know you conversations he tells me that he likes me. I smiled. I liked him too. He seemed nice. He then asked me “Are you dating anyone else?” I replied “Not at the moment.” He then asked me to not date anyone else.

Screech.

Say what now? Don’t date anyone else? Why not? He told me that he only dates one woman at a time and prefers that women do the same. He explained how he used to date a woman for over 6 months. He would take her out, spend the night at her house and she would spend the night at his house. He had assumed that they were in a relationship only to find out that they had a friends with benefit situation.

He was crushed. He stated since that time, he wants to make sure that he has an exclusive opportunity to compete for a woman’s time and affection. He dated one woman at a time and wanted the same from the women he was dating. I was confused because we really didn’t know each other.

It was at that moment that I knew that we couldn’t go any further. He had lost his damned mind. I wasn’t her. I told him that. He was letting his insecurity about a woman not giving him her all show its head in our first/second date. You can’t let the choices of one decide the future for others, mainly me. He didn’t understand.

I was frustrated. I had to walk away. I explained to him how I saw things. I told him that the reality of the situation is that most relationships will flow the way they are supposed to flow when a man steps up. If you don’t want me to date other men, keep my attention and my time and then you don’t have to worry about it.

That’s what Mr. C did. He didn’t ask me to stop dating other men. He just filled up my time and my thoughts became about him. I wanted to get to know him. I wanted to spend time with him. I actually missed him when we were apart.

Process of elimination. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do to get what you want and the rest will take care of itself.