2019 dating relationships self-esteem women

If it Costs You Too Much

I’ve mentioned multiple times that I believe in therapy and that my therapist is awesome. It’s been almost 3 years since I walked into her office saying “I love my life. I love my job. I love my man. I need help with co-parenting.” I haven’t left. Things have changed in my life. I still love my life and my job, but I no longer have a man and that co-parenting sh*t is ridiculous. I literally watch the calendar until Munch gets older so I don’t have to continue in this hell. But, I digress.

So, on Valentine’s Day she decided to do a forum with a few women from her client list and friends for a women’s group therapy session. It was amazing! She had it catered and there were gift bags. I love a good gift bag. But, I had never been a part of this. I thought it would be a man bashing session. Completely not. It was about us women. Encouraging and supporting ourselves and each other. The women ranged in age from their 20’s to their 70’s. We clicked, we cried, we laughed and we learned. I learned so much from these women in 3 hours that I wanted us to continue to do this. It was therapeutic.

However, I wanted to tell you something my therapist said. She said during one of of our discussions that “Only you know how much something costs you. If it costs you so much then you have to decide whether or not it is worth it.” I got to thinking about that. About the things that have cost me so much. Was the price worth it? Did I truly push back or value myself enough to say that I’m not willing to accept that bulls*it? Am I still letting things cost me too much?

The answer is no it wasn’t worth it. No I didn’t try to push back, I just accepted what was given to me and no I’m no longer letting things cost me. The thing is that I realized that I needed boundaries and more importantly than getting boundaries was maintaining them. When things didn’t sit well within my spirit I discussed them and moved on. I didn’t hold on to the pain or power of a situation but sometimes that required me to pull away from situations as to not endanger my own mental health.

Hell, ya’ll remember me and ‘he who shall not be named’ from a few years ago. That man was like a thief in the night and I didn’t realize it. I was too caught up in trying to be everything for someone who didn’t want that. That was completely my fault. I didn’t realize how much it had cost me until the end of our situationship. When I pulled myself away from him and asked God to protect my spirit.

He wasn’t a bad guy. He just wasn’t the guy for me. No matter how much I tried to make him into the man of my dreams or be the woman of his, I realized that he would never be anything other than who he was. I couldn’t force anyone to change. I couldn’t force any situation to be more than what it was and more importantly, I couldn’t stay in that place of passion with someone who would never be more than a friend to me. Falling in love with him cost me a lot.

I never thought about that until last week when my therapist mentioned that. Only you have the power to decide what something costs you. Is there a price that is too high to pay?

 

 

If you’re interested in being a guest blogger, please send me an email at athomaspointofview@gmail.com Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page @mskeeinmd.

4 comments

  1. Peace of mind is priceless. Period. My “cost” was seeing a therapist. I was against it… well not against it, but I didn’t see the point. Pride and ego go a long way to preventing people from making healthy moves to heal themselves. I went through a very long depression. Years. I didn’t know that’s what it was. A friend told me, it was her intervention that got me to make a move. I needed it.

    The man you see today was due to therapy and making the decision to forget the price, and put a peace of mind at the forefront of my life.

    The other “cost” was my heart and my love. I was taught to love a woman with all my heart, but I was never taught to love myself. I didn’t even know what that looked like. I paid for years… heartbroken and left to decompose, it was time for a change.

    Once I figured it out, my choices in women were much better and I began saving my heart and love for the right one. Hence me being single now.

    The wait continues.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. And an awesome man you are. Thanks for sharing your story. It’s like the flight attendants telling us to secure our oxygen mask first before helping our children and those around us. You needed to secure your mask first and you did. Growth

      Like

  2. Wow! Your therapist mentioning the cost of something, being worth it or not, really struck a cord in me. Mainly due to the fact my previous relationship cost me a WHOLE LOT, maybe not in the same sense as yours, but in a matter of days, months and years to be honest, I was loving someone who didn’t put the same value in me. Now, like you, I have had to go over things everyday just to let go a little at a time, and while that relationship will have ended two years ago in July, it never felt like it ended when I was still forking out my mental, and physical health in hopes this person would eventually come back and we could start again. Sometimes, we pay too much upfront and in the end it affects us most.

    Shay-lon

    Great post.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s