I’ve mentioned multiple times that I believe in therapy and that my therapist is awesome. It’s been almost 3 years since I walked into her office saying “I love my life. I love my job. I love my man. I need help with co-parenting.” I haven’t left. Things have changed in my life. I still love my life and my job, but I no longer have a man and that co-parenting sh*t is ridiculous. I literally watch the calendar until Munch gets older so I don’t have to continue in this hell. But, I digress.
So, on Valentine’s Day she decided to do a forum with a few women from her client list and friends for a women’s group therapy session. It was amazing! She had it catered and there were gift bags. I love a good gift bag. But, I had never been a part of this. I thought it would be a man bashing session. Completely not. It was about us women. Encouraging and supporting ourselves and each other. The women ranged in age from their 20’s to their 70’s. We clicked, we cried, we laughed and we learned. I learned so much from these women in 3 hours that I wanted us to continue to do this. It was therapeutic.
However, I wanted to tell you something my therapist said. She said during one of of our discussions that “Only you know how much something costs you. If it costs you so much then you have to decide whether or not it is worth it.” I got to thinking about that. About the things that have cost me so much. Was the price worth it? Did I truly push back or value myself enough to say that I’m not willing to accept that bulls*it? Am I still letting things cost me too much?
The answer is no it wasn’t worth it. No I didn’t try to push back, I just accepted what was given to me and no I’m no longer letting things cost me. The thing is that I realized that I needed boundaries and more importantly than getting boundaries was maintaining them. When things didn’t sit well within my spirit I discussed them and moved on. I didn’t hold on to the pain or power of a situation but sometimes that required me to pull away from situations as to not endanger my own mental health.
Hell, ya’ll remember me and ‘he who shall not be named’ from a few years ago. That man was like a thief in the night and I didn’t realize it. I was too caught up in trying to be everything for someone who didn’t want that. That was completely my fault. I didn’t realize how much it had cost me until the end of our situationship. When I pulled myself away from him and asked God to protect my spirit.
He wasn’t a bad guy. He just wasn’t the guy for me. No matter how much I tried to make him into the man of my dreams or be the woman of his, I realized that he would never be anything other than who he was. I couldn’t force anyone to change. I couldn’t force any situation to be more than what it was and more importantly, I couldn’t stay in that place of passion with someone who would never be more than a friend to me. Falling in love with him cost me a lot.
I never thought about that until last week when my therapist mentioned that. Only you have the power to decide what something costs you. Is there a price that is too high to pay?
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