A is for Afflicted

“Two people can only keep a secret if one of them is dead.”

Out of all the crazy stuff my Dominican abuela (I mean, grandmother) used to say, that was the wisest and truest thing to ever come out of her big uncensored mouth.

You see, the secret I’ve been keeping has been eating away at me. And with each passing day, the story keeps bubbling up inside of me, trying to escape.

I’ve never told anyone about what happened, at least not all of it.

But I have to get this weight off of my chest and the only way I can do it is by writing it down. If I was really smart, I wouldn’t write it down at all, especially online where people could find it. But I need to tell my story and figure out how I ended up here in the first place.

This blog is really meant for me and my eyes only. I mean, who would even care about my incoherent ramblings?

But just in case someone does stumble across this blog (and if you are reading this, I mean YOU), please remember that I’m not a bad person. I had to take Abuela’s words to heart and I did what needed to be done to save myself.

Truth be told, a little part of me hopes that you do find this blog. I mean, maybe you’ll help me piece this all together and help me see where I went wrong, though I kind of already know.

And of course, I’m writing this anonymously so I won’t tell you my real name. But you can call me “Cara”, short for “Caramel”. That was Abuela’s nickname for me because she loved the color of my skin. She also said that I was like burnt sugar with a bitter aftertaste. Back then, I never knew what she meant by that and the only time I had the nerve to ask, she had simply shrugged her shoulders and said:

Mas sabe el diablo por viejo que por diablo“.

Yes, the devil knows more from experience than from being the devil. Maybe Abuela saw something in me back then that I only discovered later and that I’m reconciling with now…who knows.

But I’m getting off topic. Maybe I’ll write about that later.

Right now, I need to start at the beginning and tell you how I met my abuser Dex..

Cara

_A_ is for _Afflicted_

Continuation: B is for “Bomb”

All Rights Reserved ©2018 Marquessa Matthews. Graphic above created with Canva.

 

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This guest post by Marquessa Matthews. It is a repost from her A to Z Challenge and you must read all the posts in this challenge. She is an incredible writer that I’m praying gets to publishing a collection of her short stories soon. Please check out her blog at https://marquessamatthews.com/

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The Girl Next Door

It’s not like I am some creepy dude with no life next door. But that’s what you were thinking, right?

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credit to and found at https://giphy.com/gifs/pretty-kszpK4XuR5gQ

Please don’t think I’m creepy but I can’t help it.

She moved in last week and I have been watching her almost every single morning. It’s not like I go out of my way to do it. Her bedroom window and balcony is directly in line with my French doors and even though there is quite a distance between the two houses, I still have a good view from the kitchen island as I drink my coffee.

She has wrecked my morning routine. After having breakfast with Nate and then sending him off to get ready for the day with niñera Alma, I used to spend that time meditating.  But instead, I am observing her, wondering where she comes from and for how long she will stay at the Wilson’s rental home. I am intrigued and not just because she is cute. And curvy in all the right places. There is just something different about her.

In the morning, her black curls suffer from a serious case of bedhead and she glides around barefoot in some kind of over-sized T-shirt, starting her day with a large mug of coffee on her balcony and looking out into the distance until it is empty.  What she doesn’t realize is that we are having coffee together.

When she is through with her coffee, she disappears for a while and reappears with a towel wrapped around her wet hair, a bathrobe hugging her body. She turns on some music but never loud enough for me to decipher what is actually playing. A smile on her face, I can see her dancing and twirling, from her bedroom to the balcony and back. I chuckle as she brushes her teeth and suddenly stops to use her toothbrush as a microphone mid-balcony. She never glances around to see if anyone is watching her and even at the odd occasion when joggers pass by at that early hour, she doesn’t miss a beat. She waves, they wave back and she continues dancing.

She doesn’t seem to have a care in the world. And just watching her somehow makes me happy. I am more than intrigued and haven’t felt that way for a long time, probably since being with Nate’s mother.

I know that she isn’t a regular tourist or vacationer.  Dressed quite chic and her wild curls tamed into a tight bun, she would disappear into the back of a black town car at 8am and resurface around 4pm.

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https://pixabay.com/en/girl-woman-fashion-clothes-heels-2607128/

Where is she going with nothing more than a fashionable purse everyday?

Since I have been spending full days in the studio on the east side of the house, I see the same town car pull up to the main community gate and so that’s how I know she gets back around 4pm...It’s not like I am some creepy dude with no life next door. But that’s what you were thinking, right?

From the heavenly scents coming from the Wilson’s house around 5pm everyday, I know that she is a good cook. Concoctions that required buttery fried onions, freshly diced tomatoes, pungent herbs…Definitely a  woman who can handle herself in a kitchen and likes real food. And from the healthy curves she has in all the right places (I said that before, didn’t I?), I can tell that she appreciates a good meal. She isn’t one of those I-will-just-have-a-salad kind of girls, she is a meat and potatoes/rice and beans type of woman. A woman after my own heart.

I noticed a few days ago that she takes walks on the beach at sunset, adorned in workout clothes and ear plugged into her cell phone tight within her grasp.

I need to meet her and somehow invite her over for Christmas dinner with us.

And that’s when I decide to take Nate for a walk before his bedtime to accidentally on purpose bump into her.

All Rights Reserved ©2017 Marquessa Matthews.

Originally posted on April 13, 2015, adapted December 2017

Disclaimer: I have no copyrights to the song and/or video and/or hyperlinks to songs and/or videos and/or gifs above. No copyright infringement intended.

This post was submitted by Marquessa Matthews. She is an incredible story teller, writer, and woman. Please check out her blog at incredible blog at Marquessa Matthews

Monday Notes: Men

Great post on dating and relationships and what we women do when it comes to men. Please check out this awesome post by KE and her website: KE Garland I promise you’ll love her blog.

K E Garland

img_2774I have a lot of thoughts. Conversations occur. People ask for advice. People share things about their lives. I overthink the conversation, advice, or experience, and voila! A thought occurs. So, I jot it down in my notes section in hopes of writing about it on a future date. I have 221 notes on my phone. I figured the future is now lol. Here’s my first one:

I’ve listened to how my male friends talk about women and how they interact with them. I also listen to and observe how women interact with men. Sometimes it’s different.

Men don’t treat every woman like she’s their future wife. They don’t treat every relationship like there’s an impending wedding. Men seem to know which women are so-called “wife material” and which ones are not ready to commit. Consequently, they seem to treat each “type” of woman accordingly. Now, I’m not saying this…

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Jacob is Bringing the Thunder From Down Under!

For those of you looking to do a guest blog, Gary over at Skipah’s Realm is asking for volunteers for the entire month of June. Great blog, with great viewers. Check him out.

Source: Jacob is Bringing the Thunder From Down Under!

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Danny’s World: A Common Question

It’s funny, I have no where near the numbers of followers that Danny and Jason have, but I get asked this question a lot too. Please check out what Danny has to say about growing your blog. He is one of the main people that I followed when I started to blog. Read him and you will understand why.

Source: Danny’s World: A Common Question

Here are some tips that Danny shares as well:  Danny’s World – A Few Blogging Tips

 

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

the gf

I really enjoyed this read by a fellow blogger, Staci Beth over at From He Double Hockey Sticks and Back about co-parenting. She really discusses her struggles and I could relate on so many levels. Ideally we would like to think that everyone can have a great relationship with the other parent, but in many cases this doesn’t happen. What do you do when it happens? Check out her great post about her struggles:  Source: the gf

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Reblog: Mutterings of a Four Year Old

Here’s another great post about things Munch used to do and say when he was 4. He is still a hilarious kid, probably not as pushy. But, he’s mine.

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It’s been a full three weeks since we took Munch’s binky away.  Can you believe that he hasn’t asked for it at all?  I was so shocked that when I told my mom, she couldn’t believe it.  She had me convinced that Munch would need a “binky patch” similar to a nicotine patch to break his addiction for his binky.  But, thankfully he didn’t.

I attribute this success to the fact that I didn’t succumb to the pressure of other folks (doctors, dentists and people who don’t know my son) by telling me to take it away now.  Munch wasn’t ready.  I prepared this take-away by announcing it on a regular basis, that you’re going to be four and when you’re four, you can’t suck a binky because binky’s are for babies.  I think more than anything, that he finally figured it out and accepted that he was too old for his binky and that he really didn’t need it.

So, since it’s been almost a month since he turned four, I decided to share some of his mutterings, stories and sayings.  Munch has always been a child who knows what he wants, but sometimes it can stress even the most sane parent when he goes on and on.  You will see.  Here are a few of our stories:

When getting Munch ready for bed…

“Mommy, look at my wee-wee.”  I replied, “It’s a penis Munch, not a wee-wee.” He restated, “No, it’s a wee-wee.”  I looked at him and said again “It’s a penis Munch, not a wee-wee.” He said “No, it’s a wee-wee.” Not willing to engage in a back and forth, I asked “What’s wrong with it Munch?”  He replied, “It looks like a brown crayon.”

When learning to share…

“Munch, you need to learn to share your stuff.  Don’t make people ask you for something.  You need to offer to share first.” Munch looked at me and said, “But, Mommy I don’t want to share. It’s mine and why can’t they get their own.”

When asking me where I’m going…

“Mommy, where are you going?” “No where Munch”  I replied. Five minutes pass and he asks, “Mommy, where are you going?” “No where Munch” I replied again. Five more minutes pass and he asks again, “Mommy, where are you going?” Frustrated I respond “No where Munch and you better not ask me again where I’m going or I will leave.” He looks at me and then turns to his dad and asks, “Daddy, where is Mommy going?”

Munch and the gift

Munch is now at the point where he loves how you react to him when he makes something for you.  Well, for Mother’s Day, he painted the most beautiful picture at day care.  I told him  how much I loved the picture and I was going to get it framed.  I told him thank you so much and he started to cry because I loved it so much.

The next day, he went to church school.  They had his class create Mother’s Day cards for their moms.  Munch handed me the card when I came to pick him up.  I smiled and said, “It was the most beautiful card I had ever received and thank you.”  He said, “Mommy, it’s a present for you.  I made a present for you.”  I said, “Thank you love.”  Over the next four days, Munch would repeatedly say, “Mommy, it’s a present for you.  I made a present for you.”  He said it a total of 35 times.  I would reply, “I know sweetheart.  It’s beautiful.  Thank you.”  Well, when he said it for the 36th time, I said, “Munch, I know you made the beautiful card for me.  I love it.  But, if you tell me one more time that you made a present for me, I’m going to scream.”  He looked at me and then turned to his dad and said, “Daddy look!  I made a present for Mommy.”  My husband laughed and said, “Son, it’s beautiful.”

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Reblog: Munch Meets Magnolia Street Photography

Another memory about Munch. He was 2 and had his first professional photography session.  She’s still our photographer 6 years later.  Check it out…

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Munch and I had an incredible session today with Erin of Magnolia Street Photography. She lives in Maryland. She was absolutely wonderful. She did a terrific job and I was so impressed with the photos she took of Munch. She made both Munch and I feel relaxed as we went through the session. She is truly a great photographer. Munch gave her a hug and kiss good-bye which is a big deal for a kid who doesn’t like strangers. Here are some of the prints.

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Reblog: Any Questions?

As I’m gearing up for Mother’s Day on Sunday, I wanted to share a series of posts about my experiences being a mother. First up is this one when I was pregnant with Munch. This post was originally shared on January 25, 2008.  I was about 20 weeks pregnant and having complications. We had to go and see a specialist after I spent the weekend in the hospital.  I was married to Munch’s dad and this was our first child, so we were both quite nervous. Some more than others…

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LT and I went to see a Maternal and Fetal Medicine Specialist regarding the shortening of my cervix and the development of the baby’s brain. The doctor said everything was fine with the baby and the brain stem and flap looked normal.  I thanked God. We got the cutest pictures of the baby in my stomach.

The hospital had told us last week the sex of the baby. We knew we were having a boy, I was right all along, but LT decided to question the sonographer. LT: “Are you sure it’s a boy because I heard that sometimes sonograms can be wrong”. Sonographer: “Here’s the penis and here’s the scrotum, any questions”.

LT was truly annoying the sonographer yesterday. She would say, “The fluid levels in the sac look normal” and LT would then ask “So, the fluid levels in the sac look normal?”. I asked him “Why are you repeating everything she says and then asking it like you just didn’t hear her? He said, “I just want to be sure of what I am hearing.” It frustrated the hell out of me.  I told him to bring a video camera next time so we can record it and he can play it back later. Without a doubt I am married to the craziest man in the world.

 

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Reblog: Did He Just Ghost Me?

This is a reblog of a prior post that I wrote prior to finding Mr. C. In this dating series, I’m trying to share with you some of my experiences to encourage you to not give up hope. I’ve been there….

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Okay, so many of you know by now what ghosting is. If you don’t, please check out this definition on Urban Dictionary:

The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just “get the hint” and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested. Ghosting is not specific to a certain gender and is closely related to the subject’s maturity and communication skills. Many attempt to justify ghosting as a way to cease dating the ghostee without hurting their feelings, but it in fact proves the subject is thinking more of themselves, as ghosting often creates more confusion for the ghostee than if the subject kindly stated how he/she feels.

Well, I was wondering if Mr. A ghosted me. Let me tell you what happened. Mr. A and I had been talking for the last couple of months. Met a couple of times over coffee and just settled into a nice and friendly let’s get to know each other situation. Well, Mr. A just suddenly and out of nowhere stopped calling and texting me. I called a couple of times. Sent a couple of texts (okay 1) and got no response. Two weeks went by and I just suddenly walked away from the situation and deleted his contact information from the phone.fus_amsf_monitor_ghosting_tinder_center

I mentioned to my girlfriend how he just up and disappeared without no rhyme or reason and I was kind of shocked. I mean I thought we had great communication and the chemistry was cool so why would he just vanish on me? Not one to chase a man without knowing him, I backed off and kept it moving. Dating other men who seemed more emotionally stable.

Then I read this article talking about ghosting and realized that Mr. A probably ghosted me. Why? No idea. I was kind of bummed. More like pissed with a side of I want to set your pants on fire, but I got over it. I just exhaled, put my Left-eye ego in check and realized that it wasn’t me it was him. He was missing out on this fine, thick chocolate sister who is awesome. His loss!

So, I’m sitting at home on a Saturday afternoon, exhausted from the heat (munch had a soccer game earlier that day) when I get a text from Mr. A out of the blue. Now, I had no idea who it was texting me and acting like I know them but the funny thing about deleting someone the text history re-appears and you know who it is. Here’s a screen shot of the conversation:

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As you can see by my exchange, I’m kind of hot that he would be trying to rewind on me after ghosting with no explanation. Oh, I’m sorry, his explanation was that he was “very busy”. Heck, you are not that busy where by you can’t send a text that says “Got your messages. I’m really busy. Will touch base with  you soon”. But, he’s a man right? No real need to communicate with me woman after ghosting.

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So, after my “Oh okay. Well nice hearing from you” text response he actually picked up the phone to call. He wasn’t sorry about ghosting. He kept reiterating how busy he was and it wasn’t personal and he wasn’t ghosting me and trying to rewind. He then had the nerve to say that I could have called again. Really? I politely told Mr. A “Do it again and don’t bother calling me. You’re almost 48 and you know what is acceptable behavior. If not, I will show you”.

He’s asked me out next week when Munch goes back to visit his dad. Apparently he likes my smart and sassy mouth. Too bad I’m washing my hair.

Until next time loves!