Behold Your Beauty – #Love Yourself

I had dinner a couple of nights ago with a friend of mine. It was great to catch-up. We hadn’t hung out in a few months and I needed to let him know the things that I was going through. He asked me about my relationship with Mr. C and I was gushing all over my man. We were talking about how we’ll be getting married in the fall of 2020 and he started laughing. He asked “Does he want to marry you?” I looked at him seriously “Absolutely. Why wouldn’t he? I’m pretty damn amazing. Hell, one of the main reasons that I want to wait is that I’m not ready to jump back into the wife role. Don’t you find me amazing?” He replied “Of course.”

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Well it got me to thinking about how do you define yourself? Do you love yourself? I mean I don’t lack in self-esteem. Mama didn’t raise no fool. I may not be your cup of tea, but damn it I didn’t ask you to pick up my cup and take a sip. My tea is a strong like me and not all men can handle that. Some men actually prefer weak tea “aka weaker women”. Those men have moved out of the way to allow my love to walk with me.

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See, I am not perfect. No one is. But, I’m a great woman and someday I’ll enter into being a great wife. It’s the steps that I’m taking now that are allowing me to march forward in my relationship without hesitation. You’ve got to do the same.

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I love all my curves and the baby weight that I’m still carrying 9 years later. I love me. I love the way I blush when you ask me about Mr. C. A deep red, genuine blush because I can’t believe how blessed I am to have a man that God chose for me riding with me through this life. I’ve learned to love my nose. The weird nose that looks nothing like my family. I love it.

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Beyond the physical though, I just want to tell you that I love myself. Through all the mental and physical attributes, scars and fresh cut wounds the absolute best thing about me is my strength. I’m a fighter. You don’t know? Read my post last week. Know that many men have tried to break me and none can or will.

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My man loves my strength. No matter the adversity I keep fighting. I keep pushing forward. I keep surviving and thriving. That’s nothing but favor, love. God’s got and has kept me. So, Mr. C sees favor, strength and beauty all wrapped up into one when he sees me. He sees someone who made a vow to God, whose kept it and wants to honor Him as a couple. He sees a wonderful mother and friend. Why wouldn’t he want to marry me? I love me and I love him.

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

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So Much

So much of my life is about trying to balance the things I have to do with the things that I want to do that it feels like I can’t  handle it when  something unexpected gets thrown in my lap. I just try to breathe. To take it all in and adjust.

As was the case this week when I received a Facebook messenger from my uncle asking me to call him. I called him. He told me that my dad was hospitalized in a hospital about an hour a way from where he lived. He said that he had shortness of breath and possibly another heart attack. I believe that would be #4.

“Okay” I replied. I was shocked. I was sitting here thinking how I couldn’t handle this right now? I have so much going on. I started thinking about all the things that I have going on. I made a list…

  • I just got my car out of the body shop and I have to schedule maintenance.
  • Munch has a book report and oral presentation we’re working on. I have to make sure that he’s prepared.
  • I’m emailing the principal back and forth on missing assignments for Munch who’s English teacher has just left after 3 months. I have to stay on top of them.
  • I have to work with the PTSA president to find out what’s going on with the coat drive that we want to do.
  • I have to book Munch’s birthday party. He wants a skating party. A Batman skating party.
  • I  have to hire a new employee. Write the job description again because the last one was too general. I have to source a new applicant pool since my last hire decided to accept another opportunity.
  • Munch has a fundraising program for the American Heart Association that he wants to do. I have to send emails to family and friends.
  • I have to edit my girlfriend’s book.
  • I have to write a book review for my friend’s sister.
  • I have to catch up on reading books.
  • I have to edit and submit my short story.
  • I have to figure out what I’m doing for Mr. C for Valentine’s Day.
  • I have to figure out vacation plans.
  • I have to pay for my conference in March.
  • I have to schedule date nights on me and Mr. C’s calendar.
  • I have to do dinner with former co-workers.
  • I have to figure out how to reduce my time out of the office and get my own health back on track. Doctor’s appointments, ugh!
  • Munch has requested that I schedule play dates with a couple of friends. I have to find some dates in my already packed schedule.
  • I have to figure out a day that we can go to the new African American museum since we didn’t go on election day.
  • I have to go to the store to pick up a new sketch pad for Munch, calendar for me and some groceries.
  • I have to…

Breathe.

I have to breathe.

I wasn’t expecting this. His family called asking about a living will that I supposedly had. What? I don’t have a living will. What are his wishes? He told me when I saw him for Labor Day that he was tired. Tired of living and was ready to die. Is he conscious. Can he make decisions on his own?

The hospital staff have been very nice with keeping me abreast of all that is occurring. The night nurse called me to tell me that she’s off the next day but wanted to let me know all the things that she was going to tell the social worker that my dad needed. I will help him. “Thank you” I said.

I have to breathe. I have to find time to carve out the things that I need to get done without feeling overwhelmed. I have to just do it. I decided that I can’t go to the conference because I can’t afford it. I need to go home and see my daddy. I have to get maintenance done to my car. I need to take it day by day with what I can do. I need to do only that which I can and not worry about the rest.

I’m exhausted. It seems overwhelming. I have a lot on my plate. I’m a single parent, but I’m not alone. I just have to keep reminding myself of this very fact.

I have to breathe and keep it moving. There is so much going on. There is so much I have to do. I just have to break it up.

So, I did. I started taking it in pieces. I’ve scheduled a play date for Munch in the next couple of weeks. I’ve booked his birthday party. I spoke to my ex-husband who agreed to switch the schedule so I could go home and visit my dad. I’ve booked my flight home to Tennessee. I am trying to schedule a weekend getaway with Mr. C and our kids for March and figuring out the rest as I go along.

Day 5: Seven Days of Thankfulness

I’m thankful for discernment.

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I haven’t always been able to judge well. I’ve trusted people that I shouldn’t have. I’ve allowed people in my life who shouldn’t have been there. I was young. I was naive. I didn’t know how to discern what it was that God wanted me to do.

But, I tell you that something happened when I turned 40. I trusted in the Master’s Plan for my life. I started to follow my inner voice and be able to discern what was His will and what was my will.

I began to grow. I began to watch my life manifest right before my eyes. Things started happening and chains started being broken. People started to leave. I began to feel alone. I cried out for God to help me and He sent people in my life that showed up and showed out. He shook my foundation and allowed some roots to stay planted where they were.

He was moving me in a different direction.

When I realized that it was God and that He was cleansing me from those who weren’t allowed to go to the next level with me I started to feel the power of His presence. Sense that He was ordering my steps. I bridled my tongue and endured some foolishness because I heard him clearly say that my destiny has been determined and you can’t afford to lose your way.

See, He knows what he is doing in my life and that there are folks in my life that are trying to distract me. My destiny is too important to give up for anything. Whew! I tell you that when I realized that it was He who was moving me in another direction, I adjusted the sails and set course for better days.

Discernment. I’m so thankful for that gift. I’m able to realize what is worth it and what isn’t. I won’t go back.

 

MIA Update – June 27th

Hey Everyone!

How ya’ll doing? I’m taking it back to my Southern Roots and giving you a little taste of the South. Lol. I’ve missed you guys so much. I’m sorry I haven’t written. It has been crazy busy these last few days at my new job.

I have to say I love it! I was unsure of how the team would receive me. I was a little apprehensive about what I would encounter, but one thing that I’ve always said is that God ordered my steps.

He totally ordered my steps on this position. This position was something that he thought that I could do so I have embraced it. I’ve accepted it and I’m so excited that He’s given me wonderful wonderful women to mentor and to lead. My team is all women. Lol. Not surprising in Human Resources though.

I’m ready to help develop, motivate and encourage them so that we can be a strong team. A united team. I have so many ideas. I’m loving who they are as women and who are they who they are as individuals.

I’m meeting with each of them individually this week to begin discovering who they are, what they do, what they would like to do and where they think they need help. I let them know that we did get another head count in the department so I’m super excited about that. So were they. I’ve already jumped in and made some recommendations, learned a lot of information and scheduled meetings with the vendors. I’m all about vendor management. I’m extremely excited about what lies ahead.

Mr. C is mad at me because I haven’t written in the past week. But, as I explained to him it’s been a lot on my plate between traveling and getting used to my new job but I’m trying to get back on schedule. So, I’m asking you guys to give me a couple of weeks. Last week was one and this is my second week where I probably will not write as much but I will try to go in and reblog out some pieces that I read.

So, please bear with me. I’m going to try my best to catch up with everyone’s posts as much as I can. July is a busy month. I’m getting ready for my trip to Miami in a couple of weeks, 4th of July is my son’s soccer banquet and my church’s homecoming picnic is the next weekend and my niece’s graduation party two weeks later. I’m trying to make sure that I am not spreading myself too thin and being available for dates with Mr. C, seeing my son obviously, my job and my girlfriends.

I’ve been neglecting my girlfriends because I’ve been so busy you know co-parenting, Munch’s school situation, my move and his birthday party that I’ve sort of neglected that girl time. That girl time is so important when it comes to friendships so I’m trying to get back on track.

Last week was super good because I was able to get in touch with a couple of girlfriends and play catch up. A couple of weeks before that I was able to have a couple of more dinners. This week I have my son and with his busy schedule it’s going to be really interesting. Bear with me. I will be tweeting and reblogging some great reads.

Again I’m sorry that I haven’t been around but I wish all of you much success and I know your writing is phenomenal. I will ask that if you have some great reads that you think I would enjoy that I’ve missed please post them at the end of this post because I really would love to read them and I may go ahead and reblog them out to my readers. Thank you guys for all of your continued support on my posts, talking to me and encouraging me. You guys really do not know how much I really love that it is a sisterhood, a brotherhood and a bloggerhood. It’s family and I thank you for everything.

Kisses!

Run Your Race

My brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of any kind, consider it nothing but joy, because you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance;

James 1:2-3 NRSV

Today’s post is a short one. I was really going through some things this weekend. Some good and some bad, but I was really wondering, “Why me?” I’m a good person. I’m nice. I’m courteous. I’m dependable. Why do I keep getting in these situations with folks that should know better but refuse to do better. Why do I keep getting frustrated by foolishness and distracted by dishonesty? You know, I was in a “Woe is me” type of mood.

So, this quote today from my daily devotionals was right on time. Why? Because I needed to be reminded that even when it seems like my back is against the wall that I will persevere and endure. Everyone is going through something right now. No one is immune to trials or tribulations. We all have that in common.

My ex and I had an acrimonious dispute this weekend that affected our ability to co-parent effectively. I endure things on my job or in my personal life, but I keep on keeping on. Pushing forward. Why? Because I have faith that I will see this situation through to the end and I will be victorious. My faith is being tested.

If you’re going through a trial, tribulation or a storm know that it is only temporary. You are destined for greatness and your steps have been ordered. I was reminded of that this weekend when I was talking to a friend of mine. He said that if you are a woman of faith, you know that your life has already been scripted. You are just walking through it trying to determine the path where God wants you to be.

Wow! Yep. It’s already written. So, I’m going to get my mind right and my tennis shoes on because I want to walk the path that HE tells me too. It’s not an easy path, but I know that the race I run is a marathon and not a sprint. I will endure. I will keep a positive attitude and I will share my motivational moments and testimonies to keep inspiring you to do the same.

Be blessed my loves!

The Day After

Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you respond to it. – Lou Holtz

It’s the day after Christmas and the holiday glow is still going on. I enjoyed the day spent with my son and friends. Very low-key. Nope, I didn’t get an abundance of gifts, but an abundance of prayer and for that I’m thankful. So, nothing to return today, but in thinking about my life over the last year, there are a few items that I would like to return before 2014 is done.

Here they are:

  • The need to worry about what others do and don’t do in regards to developing our relationship throughout the year. I give too much thought over people and things that don’t need my time or attention. I want to return that worry.
  • Less control over situations. I know I can’t control everything, but I need to give up some of the reigns. So I’m giving up SOME CONTROL. LOL.
  • My lack of patience. I know that things come in due time, but I’m like a kid screaming, “When is it my turn?” I need to get a grip and be patient. I’m returning my impatience.
  • My fear of not trusting my instinct. I spend so much time asking my friends for advice instead of following my heart and trusting my own instinct. I want to return that fear.
  • My pessimistic attitude. Believe it or not, sometimes I can get really dreary with saying things like, “I knew it would turn out this way. That’s the way life goes.” More optimism please and I’m returning that pessimistic attitude because it doesn’t fit.
  • My fear of wearing clothing that accentuates my shape. I’m turning 40 and I’m embracing all the things that come with being 40 including loving the skin that I’m in. Bright clothes, different shapes, heels, make-up and more smiles is what I’m carrying into 2015. I’m returning the fear that curvy means dreary clothes.

So, that’s it loves! Some of the things that I want to return today and not carry into 2015. What about you? Anything you want to return?

I Am My Sister’s Keeper

Help one another, is part of the religion of sisterhood. ~Louisa May Alcott

I am my sister’s keeper. Not just my actual sisters (I have two), but my girlfriend’s too. I care about women and love my girlfriends immensely. They are the most powerful, inspiring, straightforward and loving women I have ever known. They listen, support, encourage and push me to keep my head up in spite of adversities. They are my support network. Better yet, they are my sistergirls!

My sistergirls have picked up my son from daycare or school when I was stuck in traffic and his dad was stuck in a meeting. They have kept my son overnight when I’ve been too tired to play mommy. They have kept my son when I have traveled out of town to their city for a date night. They have kept my son when I was an emotional wreck and had no family in sight. They have drank with me, shopped with me and gave me some of the funniest and best advice ever.

The bond between two women can be an incredible experience. You love the person and they become a beat in your heart. They don’t change your relationship with your significant other, they encourage it and remind you that no matter what…nothing will ever come between you two. They understand that you’re too busy to get together because you’re playing wifey or supermom. They cook meals when you’re sick so you can focus on getting better. They are just awesome!

Sistergirls are a requirement for any woman. You need that support. God has provided me an awesome network of women that do that for me and more. When I go to them with my “issues” they just listen and give me a non-judgmental and practical approach on how to handle things. “Whatever you want to do girl, you know I got your back” is what they say.

How encouraging is that?

Recently, I had a man tell me that he worries about me being everything to everyone. He said, “If you give of yourself tirelessly who will take care of you? What will you have left in the end?” I smiled and said, “Enough”. He looked at me puzzled. I said, “God gives me enough. Enough heart to love and strength to be the support that my sistergirls are too me. Yes it may seem like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders, but the load I carry is not heavy. It is enough. I am enough and I can handle it.”

I need my sistergirls more than they need me. I’m always the one calling them with the latest and greatest thought, idea or piece that I wrote and I want their advice. They give it to me. Without hesitation. When I have a break-down and cry about a situation, they love me and support me and remind me that “God never gives you more than you can bear.” They are the ones that have encouraged my writing and they are the wind beneath my wings.

But lately, my sistergirls have been going through things that I can’t fix. Do you know how that annoys me? They make things better for me and I want to do the same for them. I know I can’t carry their burdens, but I share in their heartbreaks, disappointments and pain. I willingly love and try to inspire them with subliminal tweets, posts, texts and Instagram love. I want to be their rock because they are that to me. So, you know what? I will.

I don’t want a man telling me to not concern myself with their problems because that is not what sisterhood is about. We live, we love, we laugh and we cry. Shared joys and disappointments. If you are my man and you’re going through something, don’t you want my support? Yep! Absolutely! So, understand this…there is no greater love than sisterhood. I am my sister’s keepers.

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