2015 advice break-ups dating learned on-line dating relationships women

What The Hell Are We Doing?

So, I just watched last week’s season finale episode of “Being Mary Jane” and I have to say that I loved it. I’ve found that in this dating journey I’m starting to see a pattern emerge. Patterns from the men that I’m meeting and actually from some that I know in relation to women. But, it wasn’t until I watched the show that I realized that I’m not alone. Many women are also left wondering “What the hell are we doing?”


Let me give you some perspective…Dating over the age of 30 seems to be problematic for many women. We are finding some common themes:

  • Men who were burned by their first marriage and don’t want to even get married anymore.
  • Men who never want to get married.
  • Men who are grown, but can’t afford to take care of themselves, much less build a relationship with you.
  • Men who have serious unresolved issues about women. Mainly trust issues.

This is just the beginning of what we encounter in our search for companionship. When did it get so hard? When did men think women wanted to rest in the ambiguity of a situation? Why are women thought to be crazy when we want to be upfront about our expectations with regards to dating? These questions are only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to trying to decipher the question of…what the hell are we doing?

Let’s be real clear, many women over the age of 30 want to date with a purpose. That’s it. Simple and clear. We don’t want to waste your time if that is not what you want. We want you to understand that when we express our concerns about what we would like out of a relationship, we are inviting you to do the same. But, you know what? Men don’t want to do that. They want you to go with the flow.

Here’s the problem with going with the flow…It can be a bunch of crap on a river filled with jagged rocks and raging waves. Men, I need you to be upfront, listen to women and accept what you want and don’t want without trying to lead her on. That’s the key here. Many men are wanting to lead women on under the guise of “going with the flow”. That’s cruel.

I asked a friend of mine, if you tell a woman to go with the flow, what does she say if a man who is interested asks her if she has a man? Does she say, “No” or “Yes”? He said to tell him, “It’s complicated.” Ah, ding ding was the bell in my head that let me know…That is a load of crap!

Telling someone it is complicated when you are over the age of 30 sounds like you don’t know what you want. Women over the age of 30 aren’t complicated. Plain and simple. We’re straightforward and transparent. We want you to let us know what you want or leave us alone from the start.

That’s it. We don’t want a man to pursue us when his agenda is clearly different from ours. We don’t want you to feel obligated to try and change our minds. We don’t want you to think we’re crazy because we tell you what we want. And…we don’t want to skirt around the issue of what we want to not be deemed crazy.

We’re not. We’re focused. We’re determined. We’re women. We know what we want and we don’t want to be a place holder for your insecurities. We want someone who knows what he wants and is not afraid to get it. No, we’re not in a rush. We just don’t want to ride on your lazy river going with the flow.

Oh, but watch out for that rock!


Until next time!

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