Analyzing the Neurotic

Challenges make you discover things about yourself that you never really know. – Cicely Tyson

One of the things that I’ve been sharing is that I’m looking at my past relationships and analyzing me and my behavior and looking at men through a different lens. I had a friend ask me what kind of behaviors and/or traits am I willing to accept in a relationship and I paused. I said that I would accept a man that made less money than me. He laughed. He said that is not a trait.

I smiled. I guess it’s not.

So, guess what I did? I started thinking about what he said and developed a needs assessment in relation to a potential partner. What were the things that I needed in both a relationship and in the person? I had to write it down. Chart the course. Oh, and while I’m at it I needed to do a wants list. What are some things that I want, but aren’t really required?

I’ve always been neurotic and analytical when it comes to stuff, so why not about dating? I didn’t do this the first time around and that didn’t work out so well. I allowed my needs to not matter because someone else’s “need to love me” was bigger than my own. Not going to make that mistake again.

I finished and wanted to share my list with you. This is not the complete list because I would hate for someone to review this and “play” the part. But, I wanted to show you what I did so that you can think about doing this for yourself if you’re single. Try creating your own list.

 

NEEDS FOR A RELATIONSHIP

NEEDS FOR A PARTNER

Honesty Trustworthy
Open communication A good listener
Faithfulness to each other Monogamous relationship
Faith Have a relationship with God
Church To attend church regularly
Financial stability To be financially stable
Financial integrity Paying debts
Passion Need to have passion
Loving Give love freely
Respect Must respect me
Supportive Must support my goals and dreams
Team attitude Focus on us as the team by creating a strong foundation
Family Oriented Must love my son

WHAT I WANT

Spontaneity
Love language speaker
Avid reader
Volunteer buddy
Travel partner
Someone who values relationships
Music aficionado
Cigar smoker
Prayer partner
Advocate for social issues

There you have it. I’ve outlined my needs for a relationship and for a potential partner, identified my wants and left it alone. Happy hunting!

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