That chapter in my life.
My marriage was officially dissolved.
I was an ex-wife. I had an ex-husband. I kept thinking was there something I was supposed to feel? I didn’t feel different. I felt relieved. Relieved at the fact that we could come together to support our son. No more fighting over custody.
I was exhausted. I stood whispering to him in the halls that I thought it best that our son live with me primarily. Your health. His health. His needs. We have to think about him. I’ve never denied you access to our son. He’s yours. He’s mine.
Tears were in his eyes when he said, “I feel like I’m failing our son.” Grief. Anguish. All emotions that I could see written on his face. I paused and asked “How are you failing him? By allowing me to be the primary caregiver for him? I’m his mother. I know that he needs you and you need him.” Silence.
I asked, “What is best for your son? Think seriously about it. I’m not taking away your visitation. I’m allowing you to design a schedule that we both find reasonable. One that puts the needs of our little boy above our own.” I sighed.
I told him that I will give him time to design a new schedule. Let me know. Before school ends so we can get Munch used to it. I needed him to stop hating me. For his son’s sake. For his sake.
It was always about custody. Not fighting for our marriage. It was done. We both agreed. But, he believed that I would keep his son from him. I wouldn’t. I haven’t. I won’t. However, I couldn’t continue to fight this fictitious battle. It was old. I was tired.
Munch’s needs at this moment were taking a priority over this drama. I explained, “You know what your son is going through. He worries about you constantly. Part of his issue is that his dad’s health is changing and he sees it. We can’t help that. We need to help him deal. Cope. It’s a part of life.”
He sighed and uttered, “I’m going to trust you.” “Please do” I replied. We walked silently down the long hall.
We entered the courtroom. The magistrate swore us in. Asked the questions about custody, child support and said “I’m happy you two are working it out. That’s really good.” I smiled. It was good.
We were now being adults. No more personal grievances affecting our child. No more using Munch as a crutch. We were going to be better. Our son needed us to.
We waived our rights to appeal the absolute divorce and signed the papers. Finally, it was done. A chapter closed. A chapter that had left us bruised and hating each other. A chapter of debts paid and unpaid, changes in job, declines in health and death.
Closed.
“Let’s have a party” said some of my girlfriends. Talks of celebration, cake and champagne rang out. I just smiled. In two pages, my life was finalized and that part of it closed. Two pages huh?
I want to think that we can now focus on being co-parents. Loving our son. Being there in a united front with no underlining hatred of the other. Our Munch needs us and in the end does it matter beyond that? No.
We loved each other. We hurt each other. We divorced each other.
Do I feel differently? Nope. I think I was just relieved that it was over. It was almost 3 years of back and forth bickering. Now, it’s done. A chapter closed.
What’s next?
Now, we co-parent.
A Thomas Point of View 
New beginnings. New you. Well done.
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Congrats on closing that chapter. Best wishes!
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Thank you.
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I pray healing and a blessed co-parent relationship
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Thank you.
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So much pain in this post. But so much hope and thoughtfulness. Sending love and prayers to you and Munch today.
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Thank you. I’m just happy that we were able to come together for our son. It’s been a long road and I truly think we are going to be able to be better parents. Munch represents the best of us. So, nothing was in vain.
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The openness in this post is refreshing. Thank you for sharing such a hard time in your life with such honesty! I hope your family will be able to heal quickly.
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Thank you Mike. It’s been 3 years so it was just like “finally”. I’m actually happy that we seem to be moving to co-parenting.
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More than welcome. These are tough subjects to open. I have been on the other side where visitation was restricted or made impossible. No conversations, just one-way demands. I guess a number of fathers will fear losing ‘control’, but if we don’t have to ‘go into the ring’ with boxing gloves on every time the trust will come. Good for you (in the plural sense!)
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Yep, and I’ve never been one of those women. He knows everything going on with his son. From swimming lessons to soccer lessons/schedules he is always aware of what his child is doing or has planned. I can’t do it alone and nor do I want too. I want our son to know that he is the best of both of us and that we will love and raise him together. His dad has health problems and we’re currently doing a 7 day a week schedule each. One week on and one week off. I told his dad to let me know what will work. Every other weekend and the weekends that are not yours do you want some mid-week overnight visits? Let me know. I’m open and we both want what’s best for our son. Munch has cried wanting his dad for no apparent reason and we face time his dad and I ask his dad can he pick him up from school and spend some time with him and he agrees and Munch is good after that. I’m thankful for that.
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That is the formula for success. My congratulations. You have no idea how much this effort will help in the long run, but I guarantee you will in the years to come!
Kids don’t need reasons that are apparent to us LOL! As I always say; Share and enjoy! Well done.
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My heart sank as I read the words “In two pages, my life was finalized and that part of it closed. Two pages huh?” This is real talk here, real reflection of real life that many people don’t share so openly. I love how the two of you were able to come to an agreement on custody for Munch’s sake, the love you two have for your child is something else because you two put all else aside for him. The chapter is closed as you say but the beautiful book contiues, I pray many blessings for you and your family. You are amazing! xo!
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Thank you so much. It seemed like all those years and memories were just condensed to two pages. One and half in reality. It was kind of hard to grasp.
Me too girl. He loves his son and I know that I don’t ever want to stop their bond. Do we agree on parenting all the time? Heck, no. But, now I’m hoping we can always come together and make sure that we are looking at it from the lens…”is this benefiting Munch?” If it’s not, let’s not deal with it. If it is let’s get on one accord and make the decision that is best for him.
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Putting him first…that’s good parenting.
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It not an easy journey, but you sound firm and sensible and it’s good to know that you are both thinking of your son.
All the best in adjusting and more grace to you.
Let me also use this opportunity to extend an invitation to a bloggers brunch party taking place on my blog on this weekend Sat-Sunday. The post is titled it’s a brunch party. I believe that it will be fun 🙂
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Thank you. It’s been a journey and I’m thankful that we are both level headed now. And of course I will join in the brunch party this weekend.
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So sad but you both are doing what is best for your little boy which is admirable!
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Thank you. Yep, let’s move on to co-parenting.
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yes that is a great move and your baby will feel it and be calm and happy!
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I wasn’t married to my son’s dad but we kind of went through the same…but not really. He didn’t want to pay child support so I eventually had to take him to court for it. He hates me over it still but oh well. He’s not really in my son’s life because he now lives in another state and married someone. Your ex seems like he’ll be in your son’s life so that’s a good thing. Good luck with everything!
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Thank you so much Lisa. I hope so. I just want us to be good parents and I’m praying that will be the case. Our son is the best parts of us and if we focus on that we can be better human beings and parents.
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