To stay in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to take things to the next level? I often wonder what makes women stay in relationships for years with men that never marry them. What is it about that man that makes you stay, love, take care of, share and have children with that makes you accept that he doesn’t want to marry you?
Marriage is not for everyone. Trust me. I know. But, if you want to get married, why do you settle for a life that is not what you really want? For love? For comfort? For security?
I’m an advocate for truth. Living your truth. Whatever that may be. You are the only one that can control your destiny and your happiness.
I met a gentleman in his 30’s who told me that he’s been living and dating his girlfriend for the last 10 years. They are not married. They have a 4 year old son. He said “Marriage isn’t everything. I have her on my life insurance policy.”
I paused mid-drink to educate my young friend on the fact that he is not owning or living in his truth. I said, “Sweetie, why are you wasting that young woman’s life? You don’t want to marry her. She is not “the one” that you can imagine living the rest of your life with. She’s not bad. She has no notable flaws that will make you leave her. She’s enough. But, you want more than enough. So, you’re stringing her along until you meet the one because she is accepting it.”
He listened as I continued to say that “A man knows the woman he wants. He knows the one his heart yearns for and he will do whatever it takes to make her his. He doesn’t half-step. A man commits. A man sees, loves and claims that woman as his wife. To carry his last name and bear his dynasty.” He stared at me as I said, “She’s not that one for you. Let her go. Don’t waste her time if you are not the man for her and she’s not the one for you. Don’t be selfish. There’s honor among living in the truth.”
He swallowed his drink and smiled. I said, “Watch, if you two break up you’re the same one who will get married a year after meeting another woman. Your son’s mother will hurt because she can’t understand why. She won’t be able to accept that it wasn’t her. She could have accepted it after year 3. But, she stayed. She prayed. She believed.”
We said our good-byes and I sat back wondering when will women start taking control of their own lives. Why do we allow someone to string us along hoping that he will commit? That he will want to spend the rest of his life with us because that’s all we want. The power is yours. You decide what’s best for you.
Even if it means walking away.