I received a lot of feedback on my post yesterday Dear Sis – F*ck Them and I wanted to explain some things to those who may feel that my words were too harsh. Women (myself included) were brought up to be nice and such and that will sometimes hurt us more than anything. It means that we allow people into our space that will disrespect us to the point of no return.
Why? Because we were taught to always be polite. As I’ve aged I realized that is the biggest bunch of S*it! I don’t have to be polite to the point that I am a walking mat for those in my life. That’s not what life is about. We need to teach our young women that it is okay not to be polite.
I’m not saying that you teach her to be mean. She just doesn’t need to lay down and play nice with everyone. Teach her that boundaries are okay and explain how she should handle it when her boundaries are crossed. I never understood that.
My girlfriend said to me that her daughter doesn’t like to speak to people. I knew this. Her daughter often ignored me. I was cool with it. I can ignore with the best of them. I didn’t have any ill will towards this little girl, but I respected her decision to not engage and truth be told, sometimes I didn’t want to engage.
But, how many of us teach our children (especially little girls) that they should always smile, always speak and always be polite? Why? The world isn’t always polite to us and we don’t owe anyone anything. Sometimes I don’t want to speak. Sometimes I don’t want to smile and sometimes I just want to go about my merry way without feeling the need to “play nice”.
Now, there is nothing wrong with having manners. I’m not saying that you don’t teach your children how to respect people and not curse folks out, but you don’t have to teach them to hug or speak to folks when they don’t want to. Why are we teaching our little girls to smile at everyone and everything?
Not everyone deserves my smile, time or attention.
I want people in my life and in my space who I have a symbiotic relationship with. People who bring me joy and whom genuinely care about my well being. I don’t want to put up with anymore BS from people that want drama and want me to engage in childish games. I’m to old for that. I don’t owe you any niceties. I don’t have to be nice when you call or text if you call or text every couple of months for random stuff. I don’t have to spare your feelings when I talk about what a jerk you were to me and how you weren’t man enough for me.
I don’t care. You don’t like it? Kick rocks! No skin off my back. You see, I’ve learned that the only person that I have to be good to is me. By being good to me and clearly defining and sticking to my boundaries I don’t allow BS to penetrate my circle anymore. I don’t owe you anything. You think I do? Well F*ck you and the high horse you rode in. Life’s too short!
I’m done putting up with BS people and BS situations. I’m all about the positive and engaging in meaningful relationships. Not every interaction will bring that but I am old enough and wise enough to stay the hell away from those that don’t.