I thought it would be easy. You get married and live happily ever after…RIGHT?
We were together for 4 years before we got married. I no longer wanted to “shack up”. Like the saying goes, “Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?” I wanted to do it the right way. We were living together, working, raising our son, and I wanted to be his wife, not just his girlfriend. So we went to the courthouse and did it! We were married now. WOW!!
I am a married woman now, it was astounding to me. I had only been in one other relationship and that was with my oldest child’s father and it ended because I was unfaithful to him. I WAS A CHEATER!
I didn’t know what it was like to be committed and faithful to someone. I slept around so that I didn’t have to deal with people emotionally and mentally. My past kept me from the idea of love and being loved.
I told myself that I would cheat before they cheated on me. I didn’t want to be hurt first, I was going to do the hurting. Absurd, right?
A fellow blogger, Tikeetha from A Thomas Point of View, asked one of the hardest relationship questions: “Would you want to know if you were being cheated on?”
I knew! He changed and I wasn’t being the wife that I should have been. I was distant, focusing on work, taking care of my motherly duties while neglecting the wifely duties. It was easy for him to cheat, I gave him permission. I allowed this other woman to come into our lives. He should have been stronger, he had needs too.
I blame myself because my lack of attention and affection gave way for this woman to enter into our marriage. It was physical for him. When women cheat, it is from an emotional standpoint. She knew about me, but I had no clue who she was. He told her what I wasn’t doing and that’s all she needed to hear and she didn’t care.
We no longer respected our marriage. We no longer honored our marriage. Those vows that we took were just words now.
I am a child of divorced parents and its the best thing that my mom could have done. I considered divorce, I had sent the papers to him in an email and asked him to review them and make any necessary changes. I never got a response. I assumed he thought I was just kidding, but I was for real. How could we live together in a home where there was no peace, no respect, NO TRUST,and NO LOVE?
We separated for several months, he was seeing other people and so was I, but somehow we gravitated back to one another. I loved him and he loved me. We had to have a heart to heart with one another. I needed to be HEARD and not just talked to. During the separation, I FOUND MYSELF! I had become LOST IN LOVE! I had no clue who I had become. I was just EXISTING, not LIVING!
Today, we are in a better place. We talk and listen to each other. We encourage one another and most of all WE ARE BACK TO LOVING ONE ANOTHER. It may not be for everyone, but staying married is HARD. It is so easy to pack up and sign divorce papers and not know the reason that you are no longer together. We didn’t go to therapy, WE PRAYED!
This post was written by one of my fellow bloggers A. Hawkins. She blogs at A Perfectly Flawed Ruby and you should definitely check her out.