This post is a continuation from yesterday’s post.
Why are we lying to each other and saying that you must date a poor man in order to be happy? If you don’t have a man then you’ve somehow set your standards too high to find love? If he’s poor then he’s probably the one for you and you’re not giving him a chance.
The devil is a lie. I’m not down for no struggle love. Let’s be clear…this is specifically referring to dating. I’m not asking a man to take me to a Michelin starred restaurant, but it shouldn’t be out of the question for a special occasion such as an anniversary. I’m not against moderately priced outings. I’m pretty low key.
If a man makes $20,000 a year and is not in school, how is he providing for himself? Why aren’t you asking what his ambitions or dreams are? If he’s content working at McDonald’s with no dreams or aspirations of better, should you really be continuing down the path of poverty with this man?
That’s how women get d*ckmatized. We start spreading our legs and letting that good d*ck interfere with our judgement. Stop it sis! It’s not worth it. Trust me….I’ve been there and done that.
A good man isn’t defined by his bedroom skills. That is an added benefit of course, but if he’s that good, you need him to work the club scene/private escort scene to up his financial status and be able to provide for you. LOL.
Seriously though, I think that we need to stop deluding ourselves into believing that we could be happy dating someone who can’t afford to date you and you’re over 40. He doesn’t have to be rich because money doesn’t make a man but we need to be honest with our expectations and hold true to our beliefs. Struggle love at 40 is not cute. Want another visual? Your mama is 65, would you want her dating a man that became a financial burden on her and she’s close to retirement?
So, why would you settle? Are there other factors that will make a man more attractive? Yes, but how can you get to know those other factors without dating? I remember about 8 years ago, my girlfriend was filing her taxes with her husband. It had been a rough year financially for them, but they had a mortgage and 3 kids. They had to rob Peter to pay Paul because she was only making $40,000 at the time and she told me that her husband made $14,000 that year.
She literally wanted to cry. They were married. They made a combined income of $54,000 and couldn’t afford the basics…utilities, doctor’s co-pays and gas to get back and forth to work. That kind of poverty does something to you. It breaks you. It changes you in ways that you never imagined.
Her life was worse off than when she was single. But, she’s not an anamoly. Too many women are settling for the sake of saying that they have someone. It’s cool if that’s what you want, but stop trying to sell the rest of the world on the importance of love and happiness if you’re completely financing your dating life.
I have to say this for those that think that I’m being harsh…I’m not. I’m not desperate for love. I have standards and more importantly I’m raising a son. I’m not asking any man to do what I wouldn’t expect for my son to do. Okay.
I also believe in equality. Women should pay for some dates too. I pay for some dates with Mr. C and although he pays for 95% of our dates, I don’t mind footing the bill sometimes. However, I am a gift giver and he gets a lot of gifts from me because I know and appreciate the fact that he is paying the majority of the time.
Once you get past the 4th date ladies, you should definitely be paying. Make him know that you appreciate his efforts and you are a contributing partner in getting to know him. Show him you’re worth the effort and the money spent.