This is a continuation from my post yesterday entitled: I’m Your Crutch – Part 3
Before I headed to therapy I was able to catch-up with my other best friend, the female and get her take on this situation. She said that my male best friend has always had a co-dependent relationship with me. She said it is mentally and emotionally because he always looks at me to be there for him. She said his dependency means that he’s willing to sacrifice other things in his life to keep that connection with me no matter what life brings. New relationships, new adventures or new partners.
I had never thought about it. Could it be true? Was he co-dependent on me? Was I co-dependent on him? I really didn’t know. I was confused as hell.
But, during that confusion life got in the way and I reached out to my male best friend for his comfort, concern and advice about a situation. That’s not what I got. I got a whole lot of push back as though I should just be strong and my feelings are weak because I’m stronger than this.
That hurt like hell. I felt like my feelings were invalidated and I needed him to just be there for me and stand with me instead of giving the ‘suck it up’ approach. I was angry. I tried to talk to him about my feelings and it didn’t work. I wanted to know how come he didn’t support me like I supported him.
I was tired of talking. We needed help. Professional help. It just so happens that I had a therapy appointment on Wednesday night and I asked him to come. He was caught off guard by the request but I needed us to get past this angry feeling I was having with him and him not getting it. I didn’t want to be dismissed as being irrational. We needed a mediator. A professional.
What better person than my unbiased therapist who gives it straight with no chaser and actually keeps me mentally together when all hell is breaking loose. I called him up and asked him to attend with me. I told him that I needed us to get help because I was wondering if our friendship had run the course. I told him that I was ready to walk away and believe that this part of our lives is done because I’m no longer in a relationship that is feeding my soul.
He listened. He was hurt that I was thinking about walking away but he heard the seriousness of my question to attend and said yes. I said okay I’ll give my therapist a heads up that you’ll be attending and text you the address. I told him that I need him to be on time because he’s notoriously late. He said he would.
I smiled. Hung up the phone. Sent him the address. I arrived 15 minutes early and sat in the parking lot and he drove up 3 minutes later. We walked in and waited to see my therapist. I realized that I loved my friend for showing up for me. That the core of friendship is to be there for the people that need you. This man had never attended a therapy session in his life. Although, I believe that he needs therapy his being there for me made me realize that I mattered.
I wasn’t ready to deal with his feelings about me in therapy yet. I wanted us to get to a better place in our relationship because I was so angry and hurt for him not having my back and supporting me emotionally. The awkwardness of his feelings could be discussed at another time we just needed to get our vibe back.
-To Be Continued-