Motivational Monday Moment – 7/31/17

Today’s Motivational Monday Moment came to me after hearing the original song “Lean On Me” by Bill Withers. You know that great song that came out in 1972? If not, click the text and listen to it. Awesome song.

That song was floating in my spirit as I went to go see the movie Girls Trip for the second time with another set of girlfriends this weekend. So, my Motivational Monday moment is about the importance of friends. Friendship is essential to the soul and you should never go through life without having a couple of friends that you can depend on.
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Not just your spouse, but your girlfriends or homeboys. You need someone who knew you before and has invested time in nurturing and developing a connection with you. Someone that you can call on when the s*it hits the fan. The person that not only knows where all the bodies are hidden, but helped you bury a few.

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That friend. That is the kind of friend that you should have. That’s what I want to talk about today.

In that movie there is a group of four women who had been super close since college. They graduated college together, navigated storms together and used to travel annually together and then life got in the way. Petty fights that had no resolution started to break down their relations.  Silence became the norm between a couple of the women. Isn’t that always what happens in a group?

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Now, in the movie you see two women in the group try to reconnect after a conflict. It’s awkward and yet they are trying. Both have their own issues and they become a topic between the group before the trip ends. But, the problem was that their pride wouldn’t allow them to see the best in each other. To know that true friends will always speak their peace no matter what. They will protect you. They will love you. They will defend you and they won’t let you fail.

That song reminded me of this when I heard a couple of verses

Lean on me, when you’re not strong
And I’ll be your friend
I’ll help you carry on
For it won’t be long
‘Til I’m gonna need
Somebody to lean on

Please swallow your pride
If I have faith you need to borrow
For no one can fill those of your needs
That you won’t let show

Friendship is supposed to be symbiotic. It is both parties benefiting from the relationship. You have to let people get close. You have to let your friends in and let them know when you’re hurting. Let them help you carry some of your baggage.

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Better yet, let them help you empty them suitcases and burn that stuff. Don’t allow your pride to make you shut them out. No one can help you if you don’t let them in.

My Motivational Monday Moment is to remind you that friendship is essential to your core. Allow those that you trust to enter into your circle and be that support system for you. Give your friendship your all and don’t be too prideful to let the folks that love you the most be there for you.

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

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Dating Chronicles: Answered Prayers

Last week, I told you about Mr. K in Dating Chronicles: Take Two. He was right after my love Mr. J that I spoke about in Dating Chronicles: The Filler. Nice guy, but I was 0 for 2 in the dating area.

Mr. K and I parted ways shortly thereafter. We had fizzled within seven months of dating. Casual communication through email was all that was left. My communication with my filler was slowly fading to black. I had served my purpose and truthfully he had served his. I was once again alone.

Dating casually. Not allowing anyone to go beyond the first date because they weren’t what I was looking for. Frustrated was how I was feeling. Would I ever meet someone that I could really have a connection with? Love. That’s what I yearned for.

I kept my dating profiles up because I was paying for it. I went about my life. I asked God to help me. To send me a man that would love my son and I as though we were his own. A good man who made good money and was kind. He had to be taller than me and he had to have a sense of humor.

I also asked God to temper my lust. Since lust was probably the reason that I hadn’t found someone. I focused on other things instead of men. I focused on my Munch, work and civic obligations. I was in a good place. I was 40 and God had given me clarity so I was ready to step into my destiny.

I then opened my profile one day and saw a simple “Hi” in my message box from Mr. C. Trying to make more of an effort, I clicked his profile and saw only the basics. No long statements of what he was looking for or what he wanted. I did notice that he wanted children. Umm, what?

I wasn’t having any. I was 40. What did I look like? I already had one and I know I put in my profile that I didn’t want anymore children. I went back and checked my profile just to be sure. Yep, it was there. Plain as day. Does not want children.

I responded with a simple “Hi, how are you?” A couple of days later he responded and thus we exchanged a few quick messages. He gave me his work number and asked me to call him. I did.

He sounded sane. He sounded normal. He sounded kind. I sighed. We just talked. Talked about everything and nothing at the same time. Goals, dreams and our families. We talked and I begin to learn that he had a sense of humor. He was genuinely a nice guy. So, I told him. I told him that I didn’t want any more children and I know that his profile said he wanted some but it wasn’t something I was willing to do.

He said okay. Okay? He said he was fine. He had one and I had one so he didn’t want anymore. Then why did you write that? He said that he would have been willing had he met someone who didn’t have children. I sighed. Okay. But, I had to tell him something else. I would rather it happen now than later, but I needed to be honest.

I told him that I wasn’t giving him my cookies. That I was practicing celibacy. I told him that I had been fooled and fallen in love with men that weren’t always honest after making them wait months for sex only to realize that it wasn’t working. I asked him was he okay with it. I wasn’t going to change if he wasn’t, but I wanted to know where his head was.

I had spent so many years allowing my boundaries to be sacrificed that I just wasn’t going to do it anymore. Clarity and peace came about when I took back my power. At 40. He responded “So, you want us to live like God intends and not have sex until marriage?” Yes. Yes, that is what I want. He said “Okay, I’m cool with that.”

And he was. My boundaries remained intact. My mind was wondering where this beautiful soul had been all my life.

He began to court me. To woo me. We spent hours talking each day. Working out together and just getting to know each other without sex. He became my rock. See, I was in a season of unrest. Everything in my life was falling apart and I felt like I was drowning. Another month brought another tragedy. It continued like that for 8 months.

He was my lifeline. My prayer partner. My friend. I had to go home to Tennessee to visit my dad. Before I left he gave me a gift. A devotional. He said, “Sometimes I struggle to find the words to encourage you and I’m hoping this devotional will encourage you.” Wow!

He cared about my soul. He was making me love him. I didn’t yet. I was in strong like, but I was falling. I told you about it in Missing Him. He was restoring my faith in men. He showed me the respect that I so needed. He understood where I was coming from in regards to my need to honor my commitment to God.

I liked that. I never had that. He was different.

However, it wasn’t all flowers and romance. He wasn’t the type of man that opened doors for me. He didn’t do that, but what he gave me was so much more. He gave me honesty, transparency, respect and laughter. That meant more to me than anything.

It’s been a slow courtship. We went on our first date in October of 2015 and began a relationship in September of last year. Slow and steady. We’re still celibate. We’re still celebrating our love for each other and you know what? I couldn’t be happier.

He was proof of my answered prayer. I had to go through the trials of finding my king because I would have never appreciated who he was. I was doing like my girlfriend said an entertaining jokers.

Not anymore. He’s not perfect and neither am I. We just fit in this space that we’re creating. It’s love, loyalty and respect. I couldn’t ask for more.

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Is It A Date?

Is it a date if you go out with a man that you’re friends with and he pays? You’ve never been intimate and have no desire to be other than friends with each other. Would you consider it a date? What if you’ve been friends for more than 5 years?

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links:  Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

Random: The Lost Ones

Do you ever wonder about your relationships that have ended? I’m not talking about just romantic relationships. I’m talking about all relationships. Male and female. Friendships and/or relationships. Does it bother you that you’re no longer friends or do you accept that they served their purpose and it’s time to move on?

 

Day 2: Seven Days of Thankfulness

I’m thankful for real love. My life story is both tragic and triumphant. I serve a mighty God and He allowed me to know and receive love. I am in love. I’m in love with a wonderful man who sees my beauty and admires my strength. Who makes me feel as though I am the most important person in the world. He supports my dreams and encourages my spirit. When I am down and out he is the one who can instantly make me feel better. He listens, laughs and loves. With his whole heart. Not just little pieces. He makes me feel special. I like that. I am thankful for having and discovering a real healthy love at 41 and finally understanding what it says about love in 1 Corinthians 13:4:7.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NRSV)

Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogantor rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

How I See Myself

The other day I woke up at 2:30 am and couldn’t go back to sleep. I started perusing FaceBook. I decided to look for a particular person (the aunt of my ex-husband) who I knew I hadn’t seen on my timeline in a while, but she was expecting her first grand baby and I wanted to see if her joy had made it’s debut.

Low and behold I discovered that she had “unfriended” me on FaceBook. It was a shock. Why? Because she had sent me a friend request years ago and then decided she wanted to unfriend me without saying anything. I was kind of hurt. Wow! I rolled over and tried to get back into a fitful sleep.

I woke up later and talked to Mr. C about the situation and he said “Don’t worry about it babe.” I explained to him that I’m not really worried about it, I just was shocked. I couldn’t understand the motive behind it. It was disturbing.

I told Mr. C that many of my exes friends and now family had unfriended me on Facebook, but none of the 30 plus of my friends and family had done that to him. I said “I guess it speaks to the caliber of friends and family that God has allowed in my life. My people didn’t take sides and just existed and loved us both.” He said, “Yeah, but you don’t need to let that bother you.”

We followed our normal morning process by reading the devotional and having prayer. But, when I tell you that God was speaking to me through that devotional I started to have a holy ghost fit. His word was:

Beware of seeing yourself through other people’s eyes. There are several dangers with this practice. First of all, it is nearly impossible to discern what other’s actually think of you. Moreover, their views of you are variable subject to each viewer’s spiritual, emotional and physical condition. The major problem of letting others define you is that it borders idolatry. Your concern to please others dampens your desire to please your Creator. 

It is much more real to see yourself through God’s eyes. God’s gaze upon you is steady and sure, untainted by sin. Through God’s eyes you can see yourself as one who is deeply and eternally loved. Rest in God’s loving gaze and you will receive deep peace. Respond to God’s loving presence by worshiping in spirit and in truth.

-Sarah Young “Jesus Calling”

I had my Aha moment! You see that right? God was telling me to stop worrying about how other’s see me and to focus on Him. He was blessing me where I stood and I was worried about someone that I shouldn’t be. But, God.

God, has a way of smacking me in my face with His word when he realizes that I’m concentrating on the wrong things. I was getting smacked ya’ll. He was telling me why are you worrying about man when your eyes should be on me? Your heart, your mind and your spirit should be focused on what I’m doing for you so that you can feel the peace of me.

Good God!

I said “I got it God” and got off the phone. I got showered and dressed and headed to work. I turned my radio to the local gospel station Praise 104.1 and was listening to Erica Campbell say how she saw this great post on her friend’s Instagram page and she wanted to share it. You know what it was that she read?

The same exact piece.

I just said “Thank you God. I get it!” He is blessing me in so many ways that I can’t even begin to explain. He’s increasing my territory and removing people and things out of my life that are not of Him. He is working on me and through me. I just need to get out of my own way.

I was being vain worrying about someone else’s motives behind what they did to me. People have the right to follow, unfollow and unfriend who they want. I need to stop worrying or caring about those trivial things and focus on what His will is for me. Man is fickle, but ya’ll God is forever and unmoved by the shadiness of folks.

Friendship

Can I just tell you that I love my friends? God has afforded me some of the most wonderful people to enter my life. I am forever changed by my friendships. I actually have a lot of female friends. Most people are surprised to hear this.

Why? Because so many women will say that they don’t have a lot of female friends because females are jealous and hating on them. Umm, really? Why would women you don’t know just “hate” on you for no reason? Most women? I’m not talking about the random person that just doesn’t like you but most people shouldn’t “hate” on you. LOL.

I’ll never understand that logic. But, I’m here to tell you that there is nothing like friendship. Whether male or female relationships, cherish them. I do. I love my friends.

I always swore that if I ever became famous I would thank my friends because they have encouraged, chastised and motivated my spirit. They really are the wind beneath my wings. From calling just to say hi, shooting a text or email, grabbing dinner or drinks to scheduling play dates, I’m thankful.

Friendship love is awesome.