Reblog: Ghost

I had a dream last night with my ghost.

We were running in a field of wildflowers.

Big

Open

Majestic

We were laughing and playing.

Like old times.

We paused.

Laid down in the wild flowers.

He held my hand while I cried.

I told him about my dreams that were unfilled

My hopes that had died

My bones that had been broken

My tears yet to fall

He smiled

He whispered five words

in my ear.

I was comforted by his presence.

Renewed by his encouragement.

I awoke knowing that I would get through

this life.

No matter what may come I know he meant it

when he whispered

“Never Stop Believing In You”

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

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#WisdomWednesday – 7.12.17

God has a way of working things out in your favor while you’re not paying attention.

I’ve been trying to minimize the stress in my life. Choosing to focus on the positives and as my soror always says “Living my happy black life”. That being said things still get to me. I still wonder why some people are intent on bringing me off my mountain top of bliss. But, I won’t let it. I have to keep focused and continue living my life.

It’s on those moments of chaos and discord that God steps in.

I had stopped worrying. I was in a good place. But, God knew that I needed something. That I wanted something. A sign that he’s not forgotten me.

He stepped in and gave that to me. He gave me amazing news like finding out that one of my posts was seen by a stranger that wanted to share it on a website that has over 30 million monthly readers. Woohoo! I was having dinner with Mr. C when I got the message. Talk about God re-shifting my focus. This was amazing and I promise to share more when it gets posted.

I was in this joyful place. Then a couple of days later that bubble burst. More drama. My mind started to shift and wander into a place of unhappiness. I was falling off my mountain top of bliss. I was going into a place of uncomfortable anger and quiet rage.

Then God stepped in.

Again.

I woke up Saturday morning with a woman from Instagram liking all my posts and then following me. She then commented on one of my posts saying “I finally found u! A page on fb that shared a recent blog of mine shared urs too. Girl i love ya work. We need to talk!!” Honestly it freaked me out. Why is this woman wanting to find me? Is she a stalker?

LOL, I’ve become increasingly cautious as I’ve aged. So, I checked out her Instagram page and web page and discovered she is another blogger who has a great website called “Blended and Black” where she is all about trying to create harmony in blended families. Say what now? Yep. I went to her website and was so excited.

God was giving me another aha moment! He was giving me a resource to give me the tools of trying to create a harmonious environment where there isn’t one. I was like “Okay, God. I get it.” And I did. This woman is amazing. I was direct messaging her for most of Saturday morning. You can’t get no better than that. It was like I found a long lost soul sister.

So, my #WisdomWednesday message is meant to inspire you to not give up. No matter what you’re going through or what you’re growing through it will get better. God will re-shift your focus, realign your priorities and help you get back on your mountaintop of bliss.

 

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

 

Dating Chronicles: Insecurity

Have you ever dated a man or woman with real insecurity issues? I have. I dated a few men who had issues with women because their past relationships were so jacked up. They literally were living in a perpetual state of unhappiness and decided that deep down inside all women were bad.

It was hilarious at first and then a little depressing. How can we even begin to build if you are making me pay for the mistakes of your past girlfriends? Prime example, a couple of years ago I met this great guy on-line and we went out on a date. It was a combination between our first and second date.

How’s that possible? Well, we had stayed up the night prior talking all night. I mean it was like 5 hours of conversation. I fell asleep and then called him at 2:45 the next morning. He called me back at 4 am and then we talked until again until about 7 am. He was such a great conversationalist so I told him that either we had to meet for breakfast or I needed to get some sleep because I was exhausted.

We agreed to meet up and grab breakfast and all was cool. My breakfast sucked, but he was nice. After breakfast he said he had to run his Saturday errands but wondered if I would go out with him that evening. I agreed.

We went to dinner to this cool pizza place because pizza is my favorite food. It was a beautiful summer in DC and we decided to go for a walk by the White House and just enjoy the city. We talked and laughed and just enjoyed each other’s company. We had such a good time that we didn’t want the date to end.

So, he suggested that we grab drinks at the Sofitel (a luxury hotel). I agreed and we went to the bar and had a couple of drinks and began laughing and just enjoying the company again. There was no awkard conversation or long pauses that made me sigh and say “Well, I really should be getting back.” We just meshed well.

All in all I thought it was a great first/second date. I agreed to see him again. But, that didn’t last long.

My custody agreement made me unavailable for the week as I didn’t believe in sacrificing Munch’s time for a date with a man that I wasn’t in a relationship with so I had to postpone our next date for the following week. We spent the time talking on the phone and texting to build a friendship. No pressure.

Then one night in our sweet getting to know you conversations he tells me that he likes me. I smiled. I liked him too. He seemed nice. He then asked me “Are you dating anyone else?” I replied “Not at the moment.” He then asked me to not date anyone else.

Screech.

Say what now? Don’t date anyone else? Why not? He told me that he only dates one woman at a time and prefers that women do the same. He explained how he used to date a woman for over 6 months. He would take her out, spend the night at her house and she would spend the night at his house. He had assumed that they were in a relationship only to find out that they had a friends with benefit situation.

He was crushed. He stated since that time, he wants to make sure that he has an exclusive opportunity to compete for a woman’s time and affection. He dated one woman at a time and wanted the same from the women he was dating. I was confused because we really didn’t know each other.

It was at that moment that I knew that we couldn’t go any further. He had lost his damned mind. I wasn’t her. I told him that. He was letting his insecurity about a woman not giving him her all show its head in our first/second date. You can’t let the choices of one decide the future for others, mainly me. He didn’t understand.

I was frustrated. I had to walk away. I explained to him how I saw things. I told him that the reality of the situation is that most relationships will flow the way they are supposed to flow when a man steps up. If you don’t want me to date other men, keep my attention and my time and then you don’t have to worry about it.

That’s what Mr. C did. He didn’t ask me to stop dating other men. He just filled up my time and my thoughts became about him. I wanted to get to know him. I wanted to spend time with him. I actually missed him when we were apart.

Process of elimination. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do to get what you want and the rest will take care of itself.

5 Important Things That You Should Do In 2017

I absolutely love this. Check it out…

Stop carrying people’s burden: you are not a burden carrier. Let them bear their own problems. Yes, you can give a listening ear, give your advice and encouragement but do so and move on. You…

Source: 5 Important Things That You Should Do In 2017

The Third Love

Let me tell you about the types of men I’ve loved. Some good. Some bad. Was it all there fault? Nope. In many cases, I didn’t know who I was so they could never love me the way that I needed to be loved.

I didn’t know me.

I didn’t love me.

I couldn’t love them the way that they deserved to be loved.

Love was a concept to big to put in words and yet I desired it so much. I believed in it. I craved it. I wanted love and I needed to be loved.

Don’t most people?

What happens when you wake up and realize that you keep falling in love with the wrong type of people? What happens if that love abuses you or leaves you so messed up that you can’t fathom the pain of ever giving of yourself so completely? You sigh. You withdraw. You start to believe that you will never know love. True love.

That’s how I felt. I kept falling in love with the same kind of men. Until Mr. C. He was different. I couldn’t explain it. For the first time. I felt safe. I felt wanted. I felt loved. It was easy. It felt natural. It was healthy.

I was in shock. I was surprised. I was scared. I didn’t believe that a love without cursing or yelling, cheating or hitting was possible. We women are taught that no one is perfect and that we must fight for love. That love was hard.

However, that’s not true. I read this great article called  We Only Fall in Love with Three People in Our Lifetime – Each One for a Specific Reason by Kate Rose while perusing Facebook about a month ago. Man, this article was the truth.

This article had a profound effect because it basically summarized my  life story. I wasn’t alone. It basically said that we fall in love with three people in our lifetime:

  • Idealistic love—the one that seems like the fairy tales we read as children.
  • Hard love—the one that teaches us lessons about who we are and how we often want or need to be loved.
  • Third love  – the one we never see coming. The one that usually looks all wrong for us and that destroys any lingering ideals we clung to about what love is supposed to be.

I’ve had 5 idealistic loves. I’m not sure if they knew it. We just existed in this space between fantasy and reality and planned lives we would never have and futures that wouldn’t be. We believed in fairy tales. These loves occurred between high school and college.

I’ve had 2 hard loves. These loves were painful. They were loves that I tried to fit. Loves that I wanted to mold and manipulate into the greatest love ever to be. But, they couldn’t. They weren’t designed to be my forever love. They were designed to teach me about myself. I was hurt. I was broken. They shaped my belief that this can’t be real. This can’t be the love that God has for me.

And then there was three. The third love from the third type of person. The love that just works. That’s the best type of love. I know because I have it. For the first time in my life.

You can too. We just have to get out of our own way and love ourselves enough to heal from love #2 to get to the third love.  We can’t let number #2 have all the power over how our lives turn out. We have to move past the pain,the anger, the resentment, the failure – all of it. Once we do, we allow ourselves to know and appreciate a safe and easy love.

Day 5: Seven Days of Thankfulness

I’m thankful for discernment.

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I haven’t always been able to judge well. I’ve trusted people that I shouldn’t have. I’ve allowed people in my life who shouldn’t have been there. I was young. I was naive. I didn’t know how to discern what it was that God wanted me to do.

But, I tell you that something happened when I turned 40. I trusted in the Master’s Plan for my life. I started to follow my inner voice and be able to discern what was His will and what was my will.

I began to grow. I began to watch my life manifest right before my eyes. Things started happening and chains started being broken. People started to leave. I began to feel alone. I cried out for God to help me and He sent people in my life that showed up and showed out. He shook my foundation and allowed some roots to stay planted where they were.

He was moving me in a different direction.

When I realized that it was God and that He was cleansing me from those who weren’t allowed to go to the next level with me I started to feel the power of His presence. Sense that He was ordering my steps. I bridled my tongue and endured some foolishness because I heard him clearly say that my destiny has been determined and you can’t afford to lose your way.

See, He knows what he is doing in my life and that there are folks in my life that are trying to distract me. My destiny is too important to give up for anything. Whew! I tell you that when I realized that it was He who was moving me in another direction, I adjusted the sails and set course for better days.

Discernment. I’m so thankful for that gift. I’m able to realize what is worth it and what isn’t. I won’t go back.