Mom You Lied

This past weekend, Munch and I went out shopping on Saturday for new church clothes. Later that evening Munch came in my room and asked me could he talk to me privately. I said “Sure.” I have to tell you that I was really proud that he closed the door and asked me to talk privately. I eagerly awaited what he had to say.

“Mom, I felt like you lied to me today” he said. I was caught off guard. “About what Munch? Why do you feel like I lied to you today?” He said “About the store earlier. You said it wasn’t going to take long and we waited in line for a long time.” I had to catch myself. I was ready to say something smart, but I’m practicing the behavior that I want him to emulate so I said “Munch, do I work at that store?” He replied “No.” I then asked “How do you define a long time?” He didn’t respond. I continued “I had to wait in the same line and they had every register open. But, I am asking you to remember that God wants us to be patient and what you are exhibiting is your frustration at the fact that we had to wait. Wait in line while picking up clothes for you. Remember that you must have an attitude of gratitude all the time and right now, you’re not being gratuitous. I didn’t lie. You didn’t have a realistic expectation as to the time it would take and neither did I.” I asked him was there anything else and said good night.

I almost lost it. I couldn’t believe that my child was blaming me for the long lines in the store. I didn’t know if I could continue down this positive parenting journey. It was stressful to reign in my emotions and then to try to explain how disappointed that I was without losing my mind. I did it, but sometimes I wonder if I’m even making sense to Munch.

I didn’t lie, but his interpretation of the fact that I said it shouldn’t take long had told his brain that I lied when he had to wait over a certain amount of time. I didn’t know what to do. I was literally making it up as I go along. I thought about it over the next couple of days and expressed to him that we needed to take the time to process what he said and his expectations. I explained that his expectations are his, but he needs to practice reasonableness. I discussed that because he’s in an awkward size in dress clothes that I need him to be present and that I try my best to shop without him, but that may not always be the case. He needs to be prepared that sometimes he will need to be present.

I don’t know if he understands. Talking to other people only increases my anxiety about my choices because they don’t understand what I’m doing on this positive parenting journey. I’m being firm but allowing him to have choices. To openly expresses his feelings, but to level set with him. I pray that I’m not messing him up.

 

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

 

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The Truth About Parenting

Yesterday when scrolling through Facebook I see this great post that was shared to a group that I’m in:

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The post angered a lot of people. They felt judged. I get it. But, should you feel that way? Yelling at your child early in the morning starts them off on the wrong foot. We’ve got to do better. Speak in normal tones to them. If you set them on edge first thing in the morning, how do you think the rest of their day will go?

I saw this video below a couple of years ago and it really solidified in my mind that I was doing right by Munch.

There were many opportunities to start the child off on the right path and each adult that he encountered was determined to make his day suck. Yep, it was the adults fault. You are the ones that set the tone for how their day should be. Can they have bad days if you do everything right? Yes, absolutely, but how they start their day matters. Just like eating a healthy breakfast in the morning is best, it is also imperative that we put our children in a mindset of success and peace.

I commented on the Facebook post in my group with this…

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This mother commented that compared to you I must be doing something wrong. I laughed and said “No, we do our best. I only have one. I chose to do my best and pour the very best of what I have in raising him. It’s important that I get up each morning and fix him a hot breakfast. That I make sure he is presentable and in a positive mood each day. It’s my job as his parent. I wasn’t raised in the manner I’m choose to raising my son. Not a bad thing. I chose to raise him differently.” I’m not in competition with other parents. I am just choosing to do what I believe is best for Munch. Some days are good. Some days are a struggle. But that’s to be expected, right?

The other day Munch was taking his sweet time eating breakfast (38 minutes) and I was going to be late getting him to Before Care. I calmly called downstairs and asked him was he finished eating? He said he wasn’t. I then told him that I needed him to come upstairs in 7 minutes because we were late. We had to go. He started to talk about how he wasn’t finished. He still had food to eat. I explained that he was being distracted by watching his Ipad and not eating his breakfast. He complained that he was not. He then wanted to argue with me. I calmly replied “This was not a choice. I asked you to follow my instructions because you need to finish so we can get dressed and leave.” He did as instructed and we finished getting dressed and we left.

When I chose to practice positive parenting I knew that there would be days that would be overwhelmingly frustrating, but I’m sticking with it. I’m choosing to teach him positive behaviors and not to mess up his day with my own frustrations. Because that is what it is…my frustrations. I need to learn to control me.

I’m different. I do things differently with him. I trust that he will be grateful for the lessons that I’m teaching him and understand that I only wish him peace knowing that it starts with me.

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

5 Things I Want My Six Year Old to Know

Parenting is hard. Let me say it again…parenting is hard. Add working and being a co-parent and you realize that some things will slip through the crack. You know things that you wish you could teach your child. I realized that when Brennan was with me last week. His dad and I have a week on/week off co-parenting schedule and I am happy to say that my son has adjusted to this schedule like a champ.

But, I can speak from personal experience and say that I will forget things. His dad will forget things. Will Brennan think the worst of us because we forget to teach him something or will he have loved what we tried to do as his parents? I’m not sure, but here are five things that I want my son to know now:

  1. Knock. Always knock on a closed door. Whether it is in our house, your dad’s house or your aunt’s house always remember to knock on a closed door. I would hate for you to see a relative naked because you hate sleeping through the night. You have to get up at least twice to make sure that the adults know that you are still alive and breathing. That’s awesome munch! I promise you that if you actually sleep through the night you will wake up the next morning and I won’t need two cups of coffee to function.
  2. Parents get sad too. I’m sorry that you had to watch me cry when your dad and I separated. I’m sorry you had to step up to the plate and hold my head and comfort me. I wish I could go back and press rewind and spare you from the melodrama of my life. I tried to be a really good mom and shield you, but sometimes the loads I’m carrying are too much for me. I will get sad. I will cry and I will lie in bed all day saying my head hurts because I’m emotionally drained. You did nothing wrong. You are a joy and I just wish that you could always see me happy and smiling, but that’s not realistic.
  3. Parents make mistakes. I will be so hard on you sometimes that you will wonder what you did, but understand that I mean no harm. I am constantly juggling how to make you grow up a happy, healthy and functioning child of divorced parents that I will make mistakes. Like the time I told your dad that I can’t do everything and that I needed him to do something. I told him that I would teach you how to read and he could teach you how to tie your shoe. You’re 6 munch and I realize that Velcro shoes may be it for a while. Shoe tying is not all that important.
  4. You will be a jerk to a woman. It’s normal. Some men may think it is a rite of passage. But, you will know the power in an apology and you will remember that honesty is the best policy. Don’t string a woman along pretending that you like her and you don’t just so she will give in to your advances. Always be a gentleman. Be respectful and be of good character. Trust me if you don’t you will reap the cycle of your errors with your daughters.
  5. Put it in perspective. Things change. Life doesn’t always work out the way we want it too and sometimes we fail. We fail at marriages, jobs, relationships, school, etc. The thing that I need you to remember is that no matter how many times you fall, you need to get up and rise. Keep putting your best foot forward. Don’t let the circumstances of your life defeat you that you find no energy to try to succeed. You were born for greatness.

I want you to remember one thing munch… I vow to be the best mom that I can to you. I promise to put you first in all that I think or want to do because you matter more to me than anything. You encourage me to be better each day just by existing. Like last week when we were at dinner and I said, “Munch, mommy forgot to put on her watch and earrings.” You looked at me with the most sincere expression and said, “Don’t worry mommy, you’re still beautiful.” Don’t ever change.

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