Dating is hard. I know. I’ve been there. I know what it’s like to try to push Mr. Potential into a possibility category. But, don’t do it sis. Go through the process because it’s in that process where you’ll find out who is just a man with potential and who is is the man with possibility.
I did it. I would meet a great guy and think “Wow, he’s awesome. I think he may be the one.” Really? I had only known the man about a month but was already thinking he was special enough to be in the possibility category. I was jumping the gun. I know I’m not alone. Some of you are probably doing this right now.
I’m here to encourage you to stop that. Stop giving potentials real chances to screw your emotions over. Dating is a process. So many times we are trying to rush it and when we’re busy rushing it we forget what it’s like to truly get to know someone. How can a man woo you when you’re busy picking out china patterns or naming your future children?
He can’t. He will either do one of two things. Play you by stringing you along or run for the hills because he thinks you’re crazy. It’s true. Take a step back and breathe baby girl. Give him a chance to get to know you and you take the time to know him. Here are some ways you can tell if you are putting his potential into the possibility category:
- If he seems to be giving you all his spare time. Look it’s exciting when you meet a man that seems perfect, but just because he is giving you time doesn’t mean that you should rush it and put him in the possibility category. Slow down and get to know each other and see if you both want to be exclusive. I’ve been there. I dated a man that seemed to give me all his free time so I thought “Hmm, he may be the one.” Nope, he was just being cheap and not wanting to date multiple women at the same time. After getting to know him I realized that there was a possibility for him…to be someone else’s man. Not mine.
- If he invites you to meet his family and friends after a couple of weeks. Look, I know that it’s exciting to think that a man is the one after a couple of months, but stop rushing it. I would run for the hills if a man offered me to meet his children after a couple of weeks. Really? Why would he do that? Think about it. Take your time and process all the signs he displays. Mr. C didn’t meet Munch until 9 months after we started dating and it was at church for all of 5 minutes. No pressure. No rush. It was 3 months later when he met him for the second time at my house. You see. I was taking it slow. Stop being impressed with a man that wants to introduce you to his friends and family after a couple of weeks. Something sounds fishy there. Slow down and get to know each other.
- If he’s got an impressive resume, but you have to keep making the first move. Now, I’m all about grabbing a bull by the horns and riding said bull into the sunset, but you have to stop and think. Men are hunters. They like to chase. They also don’t want you to be so demure and shy that you think that they should do everything. Be somewhat aggressive and yet reserved. I don’t care how good his resume is, if he’s not chasing after you for dates or time spent talking and getting to know you – he’s seeing other women or he’s just not into you. Either way you need to accept it sis. No biggie. Let him go and keep looking for the one you’re supposed to be with.
- You see his side hustles and entrepreneurial spirit as a reason he’s always broke. Umm, nope. Mr. C told me when we first started dating that “Roland Martin said a black man in America has to work more than one job.” I died laughing. He was serious. He told me this because he works two jobs. He has bills, family obligations and things he needs and wants to do. I get it. But, he’s still the man who has time to date me and pay for those dates. I do pay occasionally, but I’m not financing our relationship. A grown man will figure out how to date you while paying his bills. Let me repeat that…a grown man will figure out how to date you and still pay his bills.
- You see his situation as temporary and you’re willing to have his back. If he’s unemployed, broke or broken through hardships not of his own doing, I get it. Life happens. But, why would you try to date when you are going through the worst season of your life? I mean I get it. We all need companionship, but I don’t want to support you in the dating stage. Not when we first meet. Give it some time. I mean at this point, I would give Mr. C some money because we love each other. Why? Because I know that if he ever asked me for it he would need it. I would have his back because I know that he would do the same. However, I wouldn’t do this if we had just met. A man needs to have boundaries when you first meet. I shouldn’t know how broke you are unless you’re looking for friendship. And if you are looking for only friendship, I need you to say no to the woman that is going to come and try to support you. She’s enabling you. Stop letting a woman take care of you financially.
Do you date on potential? Have you ever dated on potential? Is there anything you would add to this list?