The Wait

Today’s love theme is about waiting. I posted last month in a two part series about waiting until marriage to have sex again and the importance of honoring my temple and honoring God. Since it’s February and ya’ll are all in love, looking for love, hope to be in love and everything in between, I want to talk about the love called…waiting.

Last September after over a year of dating, I got tired of all the foolishness that I was encountering with the men that I met. I started thinking about what I was putting out in the world to attract the kind of manipulative and immature men that I was meeting. What is wrong with me? I decided that self-reflection was something that I needed to do, but more importantly I needed to pray. I needed guidance.

So, I went to the man above. I went to God and in earnest asked him to help me. I wanted to find love and be in love with a man that honored him first. I told him I was tired of doing it on my own and that I wanted to live in His will.  I told him that I know I needed to change and I needed him to send me the man that he wanted me to be with. (It’s A LOT RIGHT?)

Nope, not for my God. So, what did He do? He tempered the lust in my spirit. He allowed me to see clearly the things that I was doing. Now, before you get all up in your feelings know that what God did for me was put me in a place to receive his word, follow his will and be open to the man that he wanted me to have. He was positioning me in a place of power.

I was still doing the on-line dating thing with little interest (I wasn’t interested) in the candidates that I was meeting. I could almost smell the BS in their profile. In my random polite responses of “How are you?” “Thank you for the compliments” and “I had a great weekend” Mr. C. slipped in. Who would’ve thunk it?

Since I delete all the emails in my box I accidentally deleted what he said to me. I asked him, “What did you write in your profile?” He responded “Nothing”. I asked again because apparently he didn’t hear me. “No, for real. What did you write in your profile? I accidentally deleted it.” He responded, “Nothing.” I told him that I’m so shocked that I even responded to him because two rules that I have…don’t respond to a man that doesn’t have a profile picture and don’t respond to a man that doesn’t write anything about himself or what he’s looking for.

Hmm? I was floored. Still can’t figure out what made me respond to his empty profile, but the point of this is that when we started to talk about what we were looking for, likes/dislikes, family, etc. I made it perfectly clear that I was taking my cookies off the table and keeping them firmly locked away in the cupboard until marriage. I told him that I’m not rushing marriage or anything, but that sex was out of the question and how did he feel about that.

He paused. He said, “Okay, so you want to live as God instructs us to and not commit the sin of fornication?” Hot diggity-dog. He knew God was in my heart before I had to tell him. I said, “Yes.” He said, “Okay” and asked “Can we revisit the subject every 6 months?” I said, “Okay, that’s fair, but God isn’t going to give the okay to commit a sin.” We laughed.

Just like that we knew that we were waiting. Waiting for sex and in the interim learning each other. Growing closer to God and to each other without being confused by sex. Sex confuses people to believe that they are in love. Sex isn’t love. Love is love. But, too many times we sell ourselves short for an interim need and feel depressed and disgusted when things don’t work out.

And trust me…many times they don’t! Can all my single friends raise their hands to this one? But, waiting gives you clarity and allows you to see a person without the emotional bond of sex clouding your judgement. That’s why we were happy to see that others waited and are waiting in our age group.

A new book is being released today called The Wait by DeVon Franklin and his wife Megan Good Franklin. Mr. C. and I will be reading this book and I will write my review on it, have him interview me about the book and I will interview him about his thoughts on the book. Stay tuned and pick up the book The Wait.

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A Bit Of Everything
Domesticated Momster

Honor Your Temple

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NRSV)

19 Or do you not know that your body is a temple[a] of the Holy Spirit within you, which you have from God, and that you are not your own? 20 For you were bought with a price; therefore glorify God in your body.

 

The above Bible verse speaks to where I am in my life.  It was in the fall of 2015 that some things started happening in my life. Simply put I started to let go and let God. Let God speak to me. Let His will lead me. Really lead me and be a servant (willingly) to that will.

It’s been a hard road ya’ll. Many things and situations have occurred in my life that have kept me in bondage. The bonds were plentiful: spiritually, financially, emotionally and any which way you can imagine. Yes, the outside covering looked good, but trust me when I tell you that the inside package was damaged.

I let myself relax in knowing that I have God’s favor. Appreciating it. Thankful for it, but not doing as He instructed me to do. Being a lazy Christian. You know the kind that only sought God when trials and tribulations were weighing me down like a 5 ton boulder? Yeah, that kind of Christian. Praising him and thanking for keeping me when times were rough and leading me to calmer seas and then putting God in a box when times were good.

Why? Because I was immature in my faith. This year has been about seeking refuge in His word and holding myself accountable for not doing what I’m supposed to. Which lead me to the end of last year having an epiphany about what I want, who I am and what God wants of me.

Those three things have to do with me accepting that my body is a temple that belongs to God and I should honor him with my all.

I sat down last year and started thinking about my relationship with God and how I was not honoring my body by taking care of the vessel. I wasn’t looking at my body as a temple and that was a problem. I’m older now and what I know I learned from past experiences…

  • Overeating/not working out – I wasn’t honoring this vessel with drinking wine and pizza and not exercising. My waist line was increasing and I was often too tired. Too tired to pray and too tired to take care of this temple. It was killing me and I made a change to get my fat butt back in the gym.
  • Engaging in pre-marital sex – I don’t judge anyone. I’ve made many mistakes. Too many to count, but how could I say that I wanted a man who loved and followed God, but I was giving him my temple to desecrate before marriage? If he truly was a man who loved God, he wouldn’t have a problem in waiting.

These are some of the things that I did that drove a wedge between me and God. It was my own wedge of shame and guilt because I knew better, but I didn’t want to do better. Why? Because I’m lazy. I wanted to be a part-time only when it is convenient Christian. I own it.

What did I do? I changed my mindset. It started with my health and flowed through in my dating and relationship expectations. I began listening more, speaking less and praying without ceasing. It gets hard. I struggle. I’m not perfect. I will stumble and fall, but I thank God for grace and mercy because I’m truly trying to honor this body he gave me. Treat my temple as it should be.

Destiny

“You can meet someone and you can sense that your destiny is tied to that person” – Bishop T.D. Jakes from his sermon Nothing Just Happens

Dang! Speechless. Bishop preached on how you occasionally meet someone and you sense that your destiny is tied to that person. Has that ever happened to you? Nope?

It’s okay. You’re still young. It’s scary. But, the sermon was important because it reminded me that nothing in your life just happens. It is in God’s plan. It piggybacks on some things that men of God have said to me about my life. Something my pastor confirmed last year.

Whew! My God! My post may seem all over the place, but I’m telling you that you need to just stand. God will keep you and help you through your circumstance. Stop letting people hold you back, deter your destiny, block your vision or try to coach you on your life. Let it go!

Give it to God and let it go! Your destiny is already written love!

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Do You Have Vision?

“Most men if they are absent of having a good woman in their life only have good ideas. In the company of a godly woman ideas become a dream.” – Rev. Dr. Jamal Bryant

 

Yesterday, my local radio station had the topic of the day which was what makes someone “Marriage Material.” There were a lot of male callers that were saying that a woman needed to have:

  • class
  • belief in God
  • a good job
  • self-respect
  • purpose

If that was all, then why are more men and women not married? Why is it that men have a list of what makes a woman marriage material, but no desire to get married? Isn’t that the real question? However, men need to realize that your dreams can’t be realized without a good woman on your side.

History shows us that some of the most powerful men had strong women who dreamed for their mates. I’m sure that these women encouraged, prayed and helped nurture their man’s ideas into visions.

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President Roosevelt and his wife Eleanor

 

Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and his wife Coretta
Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and his wife Coretta

 

President John F. Kennedy and his wife Jackie O'.
President John F. Kennedy and his wife Jackie O’.

 

President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle
President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle

 

I’ve never really thought of myself as a visionary. I just dream, believe, pray and commit. That’s all I do. Many things work according to God’s plan (favor), but I learned early in life that I have to thank God for the good and the bad. For what I have and for what I don’t.

I had a man to tell me years ago that I have a gift of making a man believe that he is superman. He said, “You get to encouraging a man and he feels as though he can’t fail. That is your charm and I have to be careful that I don’t fall victim to it.” I was hurt. Was I being malicious? No, I don’t think so. I just encouraged a man’s dreams. Was that wrong?

Nope. It was my gift. A woman’s gift and responsibility. To encourage a man to believe in his dreams and to follow them. I did it in my relationships and I did it in my marriage. But, I wasn’t consistent. I wasn’t praying over my partner with purpose. I was just praying in general for his health and well-being.

Then I heard that sermon that Rev. Dr. Jamal Bryant preached and I knew that it wasn’t charm that was deceiving to men. It was that I was a woman with vision and trying to encourage my man to pursue his dreams and watch them manifest. Did it always work? No.

However, that didn’t stop me from believing that it was my job to pray over my partner. To encourage his spirit. But, I realized that a lot of women don’t do that. We don’t really pray for our mates and men don’t really pray for us. Why not? Aren’t you supposed to pray over your loved ones? I pray over my son at least two times a day, but I wasn’t praying over my partner.

As I’ve gained wisdom in my 40th year I realized that I need to pray more. That I need to have the courage of my conviction and pray for my partner. Pray over him openly and pray with him consistently.

I spoke earlier this year about visualizing love and I want to add that I vow to do the following with my partner:

  • Pray with him daily
  • Pray over his life and encourage his dreams
  • Help him to visualize that if he’s following God’s plan that favor will follow

My next relationship has to be one where we both follow God. Where he is without a shadow of a doubt a believer and living in God’s purpose. Where I can truly be his help mate and rib because he is following God and leading the family. We will pray together and we will continually work on maintaining a healthy relationship. He will recognize that I have vision and I will help his dreams become reality.

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Yes Lawdy…I’m Psyched!

As many of you know from my post last year that my car insurance raised 117%. I was officially depressed. I cried, had a breakdown, thought about medication. Thought about alternate employment offers (none that were Christian like if you get what I’m saying) to get the money to pay what I needed in order to be able to drive. I felt as though the world was closing in on me and I was in perpetual hell.

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My car insurance was more than my car note. My co-workers were the first to console me and they were so sweet and encouraging. My friends cried with me and were like “Dang, that’s serious.” No one offered me money. Moolah. Cold hard cash.

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So, I prayed. I limited activities. Didn’t go to Dubai with my girlfriends last December. Forget Dominican Republic for my 40th birthday celebration. What? I can’t afford Brazil in January for my 41st birthday. I have to pay my car insurance. I couldn’t continue to wallow in self-pity and feeling hopeless. I just tightened expenses and created a plan.

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I prayed. I wanted to go to all those places, but it was now time that I grew up. Made adult decisions and created plans to get back on track. You know the same things that I did when I was in college. I worked 3 jobs my senior year in college and took 21 credits. I could do this. I just needed to work the plan. Get my goals aligned with my finances. Make better decisions.

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Much like my decision to practice mindful eating, I had to watch my finances. Cut expenses where I could and decrease spending. Small steps. I cooked more. Ate out less. Entertained less. I saw two lights at the end of the tunnel…

I got a pre-approval to reduce my APR on my car by 50%. Talking to my financial savvy friends about my options which I saw as two:

  • Pay off my current loan in less time keeping the same monthly note or
  • Keep the same terms but lower the monthly payment

Both were good ideas said my friends. I felt the first surge of hope soar in my heart. All was not lost. Even though I’m leaning towards the first option, there was something new…hope.  It was on the horizon.

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Then I got this insurance renewal notice in the mail. I prayed before opening it. I knew that they were going to drop me. My friend borrowed my car in May and got into an accident. He hit a police car. “Jesus” was all I could say. I opened up the documents and saw this…

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It was less expensive than my current rate. How much? It was $85.00 a month cheaper than my current rate. I could breathe. They didn’t drop me after all. They even reduced the rate. I wouldn’t be destitute and twerking in some dark and dank club for some change to pay the car insurance.

I was officially in praise mode and yelled, “Thank you Jesus” and did my praise dance all up and through my office.

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Won’t HE do it? Thankful for every blessing!

Vacation Fail

I’ve returned from the beach and I need another vacation already. This was our second time attending Myrtle Beach as a family and of course we decided that this would be our annual family time. It would give us a chance to reconnect and bond. Rejuvenate ourselves and create memorable experiences.

None of this occurred. It was one of the worst vacations ever. I cried more than I thought possible since me and my son’s father parted ways and I don’t feel any better. I keep trying to motivate myself with inspirational thoughts like these…

you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have quote

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Yep, I was heartbroken by the events that occurred on vacation and I had to come to some real truths about my life and my family’s. I won’t hide my pain so others can feel comfortable. I will talk about the things I’ve endured not to embarrass you, but to hopefully inspire others. To know that I can help someone come out of a situation and still be standing.

That being said, I’ve decided to create a video blog and attach it to this blog to discuss important topics: such as sexual violence, faith, parenting, dating, relationships, break-ups, etc.  It’s modern day therapy for FREE and it will hopefully allow you to gain further insight into my life. To look at my life and maybe realize that we have some things in common.

So, right now I’ve decided to focus on this quote to carry me through this transition:

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I need to give it to God. Be of good courage. Stand strong in my faith and realize that no one can truly love me like GOD!

Until next time!

7 is Awesome Right?

Faith consists in believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe. –Voltaire

 

For those of you that are new to the blog, in December I posted about the number 7 in relation to my cousin’s death and how it had been 7 years.  It was weird because I never thought about it but the number 7 seems to be all over and through my life this year. I’m both scared and excited if that’s possible. But, let me tell you what happened…

Last Sunday at church was a long one for us. We have both baptism and holy communion on the first Sunday of every month, so church tends to be about 3 hours on average. Unless the holy spirit shows up and shows out then the church service is liable to go over. Ah, but that is the great thing about church…the unpredictability when God takes over. So, I’m sitting there with munch right behind my mama and Ms. Margot ready to get my holy filled praise on.

Munch is sitting next to me smiling because he just turned 7 last Thursday and he was telling everyone. I’m 7 now. He’s over the moon right? Well, the service begins with praise and worship and then we are getting ready to do the baptism and munch turns to me and says, “Mommy, why am I not baptized?” I began to explain in a hushed tone “The baptism is only part of the process you have to accept and believe in God and Jesus. You have to promise to live to make him happy and obey him like you do me and daddy.” He whispers, “Mommy, I love God and Jesus and I want to be baptized.”

I got scared. I’m not sure why really. I think I was just overwhelmed by his declaration to want to be baptized. I mean he’s only 7. He believes in the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus and now he was absolutely sure he wanted to give his life to Christ. At 7? Is that possible? I asked him, “Are you sure?” “Yes, mommy” he replied. I was stunned.

I whispered to my mommy (I’m all kinds of wrong because service is going on) what my son said. She said, “Let him do it at the end of the month when we have Youth Sunday.” Ms. Margot overheard because you know that I can’t whisper well right? Ms. Margot replied, “No, if he wants to do it let him.” I sat back and smiled at my son.

Church continued and we welcomed the visitors and greeted the members in christian fellowship. I ran into Brennan’s godmother (our Assistant Pastor’s wife) and told her what he said. I told her that I was scared. She said, “Don’t be. It’s what you want right?” “Yeah, I replied, but it’s too soon right?” She smiled, “Not if he’s ready.” That was it. He was ready. It was his choice.

He was 7 and making the decision I didn’t think he would make until his teenage years to follow Christ. So, when the altar call came, I asked him was he sure one last time that he was ready to give his life to Christ and he said, “Yes.” I held his hand and with tears streaming down my face I walked him to the front of the church. We gave our information to the church secretary and waited until it was time to announce our decision. Munch was a candidate for baptism.

The pastor got on his knees and looked munch in the eyes and asked him some questions in which he clearly said his decision was to follow Christ and be baptized. He asked munch to repeat a prayer after him and my munch was so outspoken in his prayer. You could hear that it was his desire to live according to the will of God. I smiled and kept crying while saying, “Thank you God”. He’s 7.

It’s been seven years since my cousin died. Munch is seven years old. Munch will be baptized on the 7th of June.

Seven is awesome!

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