The Collector

The other night while I was perusing Facebook, I saw this post:

and paused. I sighed. I realized that I know some collectors. I’ve dated collectors. I don’t like to be collected. No one does. defines a collector as a noun. A person or thing that collects.

Good or bad, I think many women and maybe some men can say that they’ve known a collector or two. Rather personally or professionally. Collectors simply collect things. Is it bad to collect things? No. But, should you collect men or women with no thought of them? No.

Collectors are selfish. Whether or not they know it is another thing, but let’s be real clear…collecting people for personal gain is just plain selfish. I dated a guy before who told me simply ,”I know I’m a better man with you than without you, but I’m just not ready to be in a relationship.” I was young, naive and believed that I could change him. I believed that if I stuck around and loved him harder and made him see what he could have that he would look up one day and see that I was worthy.

You get that? I thought that there was something wrong with me. I thought that I wasn’t worthy of his love because he wasn’t ready to love me. I believed in him and refused to accept that I couldn’t change him. I believed that if I just stuck around that when he wanted to be in a relationship, he would pick me. I refused to see that he had the problem. He was a collector.

How did I know? He told me that he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship with anyone. So, he dated me and other women. I was good for a little bit until I started asking questions and wanting something more. He would then put me on the shelf so to speak while he spent time with another woman in his collection. I would get frustrated and start dating other people. When I became less available to him, he would do something so sweet or romantic that pulled me back in (taking me off the shelf). But, he was manipulating me.

However, I allowed him to do so because I didn’t value my worth. There’s nothing wrong with being a valuable piece, but if you don’t know your worth, you will fall for a collector and allow them to manipulate the situation. You think you’re strong enough to handle it, but really ask yourself this question…should you? Should you have to handle or deal with someone who is a collector and not really going to commit to you. Commit to any one person? No.

As the author of this post stated, there is no true formula to relationships. They are fluid. You give and you take. Go with the flow as some people have said, but what I want you to remember is that if the person you’re going along with the flow won’t answer your questions when you’re trying to determine how you should dress for the ride (a life jacket or not, LOL), you’re probably dating a collector. Step away.

Move on and know that you’re worth so much more than being a piece in his collection.

Take care loves!



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