First Love

We were young. Falling in love as children. Trying to be adults. We loved without a true understanding of the word. We existed in this place between fantasy and reality. I would move on. Grow. Have other experiences. You would too. But, we still found our way back to each other. Weaving in and out of each other’s lives like an intricate pattern. Not too close, but never far away.

To say that we had each other’s back would be an understatement. We were and would always be the glue in each other’s lives. Through marriages, divorce and children we only got older and stayed closer. Teetering with the idea that we could one day make a relationship where there had never been one was a fantasy. We were adults. We had real issues and real problems. You hated that I let stuff upset me. I hated the fact that you didn’t see my pain.

We stood with an invisible wall between us. Touching it. Wondering how we could demolish it. But, we couldn’t. Love wasn’t enough. I loved you. You loved me. I wanted more. You didn’t. So, I let you go in my heart. Let my feelings dissipate like long lost memories in a sand storm. I longed for something you just couldn’t give. In my longing and in my leaving I learned that I am stronger and that I shouldn’t have to sacrifice my needs for yours. Friends don’t always make the best lovers and lovers don’t always make the best friends.

Good-bye.

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