What Does Love Look Like to You?

I asked that question to Mr. C the other night after I read this great post on FaceBook the other night:

I asked him what does love look like to him. He told me his response and then he asked me the question. What does love look like to you? I explained that love to me was about self-love first. I told him how when I was married I didn’t really love myself the way that I should. I wasn’t “whole”. I was looking for my ex-husband to love me. I was trying to get him to fill the missing pieces. But, in reality I was setting him up for failure. Why?

No one can love you more than you love yourself. If you lack self-love, no matter how wonderful a person is you will never feel complete. You will always feel as though you are missing something. You won’t feel like the whole person you should be before you venture into love.

05092016

Me? I was missing the ability to recognize, own and deal with my own issues. I was pushing those issues in my overfilled closet of my mind and trying to keep them stuffed in there. It wasn’t fair to him. It definitely wasn’t fair to me.

If we’re being honest though, I did tell him that I had three eighteen wheeleer’s worth of baggage and asked him was he sure that he wanted to get involved and marry someone like me. He said yes. I guess we were both gullible.

TowNrHi

Which led us to the path of divorce. But, I want to stress the importance of loving ourselves. Loving ourselves past the pain of our past. I didn’t. I didn’t forgive myself for past pains. I held onto it like a blanket of comfort when all it was doing was smothering me. I let my poor choices snowfall into making poorer choices which resulted into me feeling unfulfilled in my marriage.

611-77-year-marriage-broken-1940-s-love-affair

Not truly loving yourself allows you to allow foolish men to enter your life. Not every man that I encountered was foolish. Many just made poor choices that I just went along with because I was being that “ride or die” woman. What the what?

We are meant to be partners. We are not meant to be disposable pieces for a man. The loyalty, respect, trust and promises should be automatic. We should never take each other for granted and we should ride or die for each other.

If you are the only one riding or dying for your relationship then it is one sided. You feel as though you are always missing something. You feel like you’re not whole. Your mind, body and spirit are not in alignment. You are struggling. I know. I’ve been there.

I was literally struggling to find my identity. Who was I? What was the problem with me? Why did I allow people in my life who were not worthy or deserving? Why can’t I resolve my issues.

Relationships are fluid. They go where they are supposed to when you realize that the amount of love you have for yourself will never allow you to settle. Love you first.Β 

I learned that. I love me now more than I ever thought possible. I got over the pain (with Jesus, wine and therapy) and truly understand what it means to be happy and healthy. I don’t look for other people to validate my existence. I don’t waste my time (which is valuable) on men that won’t share their time freely with me. I exist in this space where my first goal is to love myself first. That allows me to receive love and in turn be open to loving again. That’s what love looks like to me.

Advertisements

12 thoughts on “What Does Love Look Like to You?

  1. First thought: your ex is a hot topic! Does he know you write about that relationship? Second: you’re absolutely right. The most important relationship any of us can have is the one with ourselves. All else flows from there.

    Like

    1. LOL. Probably. My pastor’s wife subscribes to my blog as well as some of our church family so I’m sure he knows. I don’t try to bash my ex because he’s my son’s father and we both made mistakes. I just want to acknowledge what I could have done had I loved myself more and owned my own BS.

      Liked by 2 people

    1. But, it shouldn’t. When we love ourselves wholly we won’t allow people who are not capable of loving us the way we deserve into our circle. Love was painful to me. Now, I’m optimistic and would like to love again someday.

      Like

      1. It’s good that you can still open yourself up. I am done. I wasted forty-one years of my life and I am not going to take the chance of wasting what is left of it.

        Like

  2. Love looks like pain is an overstatement. Learning to love others unconditionally IS very uncomfortable though because it requires looking at ourselves in ways we hadn’t before. That self examination is sometimes triggered by emotional pain – IF we resolve to find out what role WE are playing in the madness. Other than that, we can keep meeting the same people in different bodies, attracting them because of the vibration/ energy we’re putting out.

    Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s