2017 advice dating dating chronicles divorce relationships

Playing Games

I had a conversation with my male best friend this weekend about this woman he’s dating. He was telling me that he’s cutting her off because he doesn’t like the games she plays. I asked him what game is she playing? He said “the game of passive/aggressive I’m going to try to get you to step up and say that you want me to be in a relationship with you exclusively” game.

I sighed.

He was struggling. He hadn’t had a successful relationship since his marriage ended six years ago. He never allowed anyone to get close. He didn’t believe in love.

It was always the same story with women. They get too close and he finds a way to break it off and run for the hills. However, she was new. She had lasted a while. It had been six months. He said she was smart, beautiful and successful. He had hinted that there were things wrong with her though.

She had her issues. “Everyone has issues” I said. “I know, but I don’t like a woman that tries to control my life or tell me what I will and won’t do.” I asked “What did she say?” He told me that she told him that once that are in a committed relationship that I can no longer come over to his house and visit. Umm.

“Well, if that’s what ya’ll do I’m cool with it” I said. “No one tells me who can come over to my house. She doesn’t pay this mortgage and I don’t like that. It’s not like you come over all the time.” I laughed.

He’s right. We’ve been friends 29 years this August. A long friendship. Many twists and turns and we’ve managed to not kill each other. It says a lot. I trust him. He has my back. Not sure if I met him or Nikki first, but the bond is deep. The bond is real. Friends for almost 3 decades and you want to put limits on that friendship. I’m not sure how I feel about it. But, I respect his choices.

He’s right on some things. Wrong on others. But, is she playing games? I don’t think so. I think that she really likes him and just wants an exclusive relationship. She wants to know that she’s number one. Many women want that.

She was wrong to try and tell him what to do, but he doesn’t communicate well. He’s always testing women. I think there’s something to be said about two people sitting back and having a conversation about the future of their relationship. It may not come out the way you want, but you can’t say that you didn’t tell each other how you feel. We’re too old to not tell people how we feel.


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  1. Great post. This falls under insecurity. We as adults pass through so much that we tend to start a full security check in our daily lives. We put a block for a better future because of past failures.

    Liked by 4 people

  2. I can’t talk for anyone else but I still get nervous telling “the truth” about my feelings with a guy. However I’m 10 years from my divorce and I push people away then expect them to stay to push them away again, I’m not one to talk.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I’m wondering…have you called him on it? That odd little thing he does to push women away? I mean, yeah…the putting limits on a friendship that’s almost as old as myself is a little extra. As was stated by Jose Rubio, and I am by no means a therapist, but it sounds like both are sort of in that insecurity spot. He keeps his distance so that he doesn’t get hurt again, while she wants to make sure that he doesn’t stray with another woman, which could be signs that she doesn’t feel good enough or has had instances in the past that where the guy she liked got with a good friend. Maybe if he hasn’t already, try to let some of those walls down, be vulnerable with said girlfriend. And maybe he can introduce you and her. Yeah…I know…What ya’ll got to talk about, but him hanging with the both of you and showing her the position each of you holds could help squander her feelings of “Your best friend Ti is gonna try and jump your bones when you least expect it at your crib.”

    Liked by 2 people

    1. LMAO. I totally agree. I’m not going to jump his bones and I told him that I would love to meet her, but what I won’t do is keep secrets. So, I’ll ask her in her face “What is it that you want to know?” I’m not keeping secrets from him and we should all have the same conversation together. I have told him that he’s worthy of love and he has to let his guard down. He’s got to stop pushing women away or he will never find love. Get out of his own way!

      Liked by 2 people

  4. I don’t want to take sides. Both parties are in a better position to know exactly what they want.
    But I can’t but say that relationship is somewhat a give or take thing. It is okay to take what we want, but it won’t work without some ‘giving ins’.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. There has to be trust in every relationship. I would get all jealous whenever my bf had female friends. I’m not as bad anymore. He has to talk to them for school, at work. One girl upset me but I’m over it. She kept asking him to hang out and it didn’t have anything to do with school. Why didn’t she want to ever include me? He told me she was married. I said, so that doesn’t stop some people? He said it was disrespectful not to invite me. He just told her he couldn’t hang out. My bf wanted to buy a car. She asked him if they could go look at cars together. Umm no you can’t because NO. Lol. J.K. We were out of town anyway. He hasn’t cheated on me and we were having problems whenever I got too jealous so I stopped being like that…well a lot of the time.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you! I thought so too. I know I trust him though. I know he’s gone out to eat with her and other females but it’s during lunch when they’re at school. They’ve had study sessions too. That’s fine though. I pick on him sometimes. Lol. I’ve told him how’s your gf doing?

        Liked by 1 person

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