In yesterday’s post He’s Not Your Man – Part 1 I told you about the awkward situation that I found myself in when my having dinner with my male best friend. One of the women that he was dating actually showed up at the restaurant to blast him for having dinner with me. She was upset that instead of spending time with her he was spending it with me. His best friend of 30 years.
I was astounded that in this day and age (over 40) that you would literally walk up on someone who is not your husband or man to confront them. Why? It was astonishing and sad. I’m going to tell you why.
Dating is a Game
Back in the day (read prior to my marriage) I played the game. I was the woman that was pursued and I entered and ended relationships as I saw fit. I have been the woman that dated a man knowing that I wasn’t the only one. It was horrible. I wouldn’t recommend this to any woman. It creates a false sense of a relationship when in reality you’re just friends with benefits and in many cases you’re not friends. You have to play the game or you will get hurt.
If you seek a relationship then you need to step back from the man that you know is not looking for that. You need to date men that are on the same wavelength as you. You need to not look at every woman as competition because they are not. You are only in competition with yourself.
Recognize His Game
The key to dating and not courting is that you have to recognize his game. Game is game. No way about it. If ya’ll go out occasionally and are sexing and he doesn’t want to put labels on it, you are going nowhere sis. You are a place filler. Temporary in hopes of being permanent. But, if that’s what you want…cool. However, please don’t switch up and then say you want more and expect him to give it to you. Why would anyone stop living the single and free life and they are enjoying it? It’s like asking me to stop eating pizza. I ain’t gonna do it.
Be Cool and Know Who Your Enemies Are
I am not your enemy. I am the best friend. The safe one. The one who he can laugh with, tell secrets to and support. I am the one that he’ll show up to my son’s soccer games, take us out to dinner and help my son with homework. I am his friend. Nothing more. I am not your enemy. I could be the one rallying for you if you weren’t so insecure and you talked to me like a lady. I have a lot of pull. I am not going anywhere. It’s been 30 years. You are your own enemy. Men don’t want stress. Had I been another one of his women, you just showed out and I would have taken advantage of that situation that night. But, I’m his friend. Respect the role.
At the end of all of this, I love my best friend. I told him that he should stop sleeping with this woman because she’s delusional about the lines. She needs to work on her own issues and get a real relationship if that is what she wants. He’s not going to do anything he doesn’t want to do.
I was disappointed that she felt threatened by me and then was dismissive of me. I am an advocate of women and I never disrespected her. When she kept calling him as we were leaving, he was ignoring her calls and sending her to voicemail. I told him to answer the phone as she needed to speak with him. He did. She was yelling and screaming and she called me a “Bi*ch”. What?
He was a gentleman and told her that he would not tolerate her calling me that and hung up the phone. A best friend would do that. A man would do that. My advice is simple…don’t let your frustrations over not getting the love you want pull you out of your character. Your behavior is a genuine reflection of you and only you because in reality he’s not your man.