The other night I had dinner with my best friend. I’ve mentioned before that I have two best friends (a man and a woman) that I have known 30 years this year. We are ecstatic because honestly how many people keep in touch with people from 30 years ago? We remain constant and our communication is consistent.
My male best friend works nights so we don’t spend as much time because he just got full custody of his two children in January (I’ll write about that soon) and he’s busy ripping and running with his children. My female best friend and I get together a couple of times a month. With or without our children, we find time to get together and have girl time.
That being said, my male best friend decided to come over and hang out. We ended up going out to grab a quick bite to eat at Friday’s. I was catching up with him and we laughed and joked and had a real good time. Before dinner was served he looked up and said that he sees someone he knows, excused himself and went to greet his friend.
After dinner, a woman approached our table and began talking to him. I was paying no attention as I had looked at my phone. I heard him say “Listen, I’m not doing this here. I’m having dinner with my friend and you can either have a seat or leave.” He then said “T, this is C” and I waved at her and said “Hello.” She looked at me and said nothing.
Okay, I realized that this may have been one of his women and girlfriend was mad that we were spending less than two hours catching up. I continued to look at my phone and he repeated what he said. She left. I put my phone away and asked “What was that about?” He responded that it was one of the women that he is dating and she was mad because we were hanging out. He said that the woman that he spoke to earlier is her sister and her sister must have called her and said that he’s up here with another woman and she rushed up to check it out.
What? I was floored. Really girlfriend? I couldn’t believe that in this day in age with a woman in her 40’s that she would just show up and show out over a random.
A random is a man that you are dating and you have no actual relationship with. You may claim him, but he doesn’t claim you. He sleeps with you and he may or may not sleep with other women.
In my friend’s case I asked him what was up. Was he sleeping with her? He said “Yeah, she’s cool but she has a lot of trust issues.” I asked “Does she know about me?” He responded “Yeah, I’ve told her about you and have had conversations with you in front of her so she knows that nothing is going on.”
Uh huh.
I began to ponder why women are threatened by other women and the process by which we assume that we are the only woman because we are sexing a man the majority of the time. I wanted to talk to this woman because I wanted her to know that there was no need to be threatened by me, but furthermore to let her know that she played herself. She played herself in front of me and in front of him.
Dating is a game. You need to learn not to play yourself. Now, I don’t think they are on the same page, I think she wants him to court her and he’s dating her. Jay talked about it in his post: Courtship vs. Dating: The Breakdown
I gave him my two cents. I’m his best friend. Want to know what I told him? I’ll tell you more about it tomorrow.
-To Be Continued-
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A Thomas Point of View 
I agree with all what you said. Women often see rivalry where is not exist instead to pay attention where they are standing with a man. It is easier to blame so called competition. 🙂 I would ask him , not provoke or spy his friends.
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True. She has insecurity issues. You can’t build a relationship with someone who hasn’t dealt with their issues. Trust plays a major role in building relationships.
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I want to be the first to tell you men are just like women. The difference is historical society has coined it, “pursuit.” Men pandering over women who are “dating” and then getting mad when they see her with another man. Mad cause he’s putting in work and she’s out with another man.
Again, let that man see you out with the “other” man, he’ll have a fit. It could be public display or he’ll give it to you when you get home (phonecall)… and when I say “give it to you” I ain’t talking about that D.
Back to the story (cause you know I will go on and on) I like the way he handled himself. He introduced you two for a few reasons. 1. he should have. 2. So you would know who this woman is. 3. So the woman would know it’s not that deep… this is my good friend.
I can believe she came up there, I’ve seen it before. That move by her friend was petty. It’s sad that we can’t have friends that are of the opposite sex without someone thinking that we’re having sex, or more than friends. Jay (the guy in the avatar photo) has quite a few female friends, and they’re all just-friends.
Insecurity, and miscommunication. Oftentimes people don’t define what they’re doing. That’s dating… the enigma. Courtship is linear and purposeful.
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But, she knows they are dating. She didn’t speak to me. I said hello twice. She was but hurt over her own insecurity issues. I don’t know too many men that would have rushed up to see who I’m having dinner with. I guess I don’t bother to engage people that have insecurity issues so I don’t know men like that. However, knowing that women can act like that in their 40’s was mind blowing. Why sis? Why didn’t she sit down? Why didn’t she speak? She was threatened by me. My presence. I’m his best friend and I truly can’t find any thing about you that would make me want to tell this man to take a chance on you. You played yourself.
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You’d be surprised how many women are insecure like this. They exude high levels of confidence, but would flash on you in a minute if they see you out with another woman…. and of course be disrespectful towards the other woman involved.
This is the Bermuda triangle that is dating. A person will be like…we’re dating. But what does that even mean? Did you communicate exclusivity? Or did you leave it open for translation? I’m not putting this all on her, because I don’t know what he’s told her (or not told her). Communication of purpose is Key to relationship building. “what are we doing?” Are we sexing? Just going with the flow? Exclusive? What??? If he hasn’t truly told her that he’s seeing others… she may think she’s the only one and got upset because of that. Again, this is all based on not knowing what he’s told her.
That being said, how she reacted was totally unladylike. If you have a gripe, deal with with it offline, in private, and between you and him. Don’t embarrass yourself and him.
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Agreed. He stated that it could have been a business meeting and her behavior was out of line. He’s honest with women. He said I’m not ready for a relationship. She knew they were dating with no purpose, but she fell like many women do for the “I’m going to date him and make him fall in love with me and therefore get into a relationship with him.” It’s disappointing. He would never be with a woman that I wasn’t cool with. Thirty years of friendship. He told her about me. She knows that I’m in a relationship, but insecure. I remember a couple of years ago that I had sent him a Christmas card with me and Munch and then he put it up and one of the women he was dating was like “Who is this?” He told her it was me and my son. He said she told him that my son looked like him. Jay, my son looks absolutely nothing like him. I was so upset. I asked “Did you tell her that it would be surprising since my ex and I had gone through IVF that he would be your son?” He said no. That’s your business. I just put her in the never have a relationship category.
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Insecurity… that is the keyword. Also that comment about women who hear a man tell them that he doesn’t want a relationship, yet they still get involved with him knowing there’s no purpose. The woman’s feelings get involved, and the man get’s bashed because of her inability to make the right decision. What did I say in my video? “Know your emotional content.” So many people don’t know their limits.
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Absolutely agree with that. Know your emotional content.
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Wow. How tacky and sad.
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I know right? We have to do better. There are many men out there and I’m just his friend. You’re playing yourself.
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This is so on point, and a great follow-up example to Jay’s post. A lot of times we create issues for ourselves because we don’t know what lane we’re in, or we try to put ourselves in a position we’re clearly not already in. Anywho, love this.
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Thanks sis!
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Your writing skills are amazing. Very attention grabbing
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Thank you so much.
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