Black Marriage Negotiations

I ran across this video on www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com and watched it. I wanted to share this video that is going around on You Tube because I think it paints a pretty dark picture of black women and black men.

I recently had dinner with a friend and some of her friends and some of the comments mentioned in this video were things I heard these ladies say. Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t believe you should settle when looking for a mate, but I do believe you should be honest and realistic about what you want and what you’re bringing to the table. Marriage is a compromise. That’s the thing people fail to remember. You don’t get everything you want all the time, but a good marriage means that you never miss what you thought you wanted.

Women get hung up on the fact of submitting to the man because he is supposed to be the head of the household. I know I did when I first got married, but I realized that God anointed and blessed my marriage. It was God’s will that Lee and I married, but we needed to submit to Him and put Him first in all that we do. Once Lee and I started to remember that we can do all things through Christ, it was easy to submit.

Women you need to realize that the scripture says that you are supposed to submit, but your husband is supposed to love you like Christ loves the church. I remember that from my premarital counseling. Isn’t that awesome? If he is loving you like Christ loves the church then you should have no problem submitting. Men need to remember that part of the scripture, but women need to submit. There is no negotiation when it comes to love, either you love someone or you don’t, so why are we negotiating when it comes to black marriages?

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Friends of Your Marriage

Lee and I recently celebrated our 8th year of marriage. By no means is it historic by most standards, but we are very proud. Lee and I come from somewhat similar backgrounds. His parents were never married and my mom married my dad after I was born and divorced before my 10th birthday. When Lee and I got engaged, we immediately began pre-marital counseling. One of the things we unanimously agreed on was the fact that neither one of us was raised in a successfully married family, so we needed help. Successful marriages take work and we wanted to take advantages of all the things available to make it happen. A great piece of advice that I received before I got married was that “The key to a successful marriage is two people who believe in the institution of marriage and will do whatever it takes to fight for it.” I loved that thought. I began to wonder would Lee and I fight for our marriage? We spend so much time fighting over the little things, but would we fight for the sanctity of our marriage? Would we preserve what God has blessed us with and not let any foreign or domestic invaders inside of our house?

I was scared at the thought that our marriage would be a failure, but I’ve learned how to work on the issues and not hide behind the problems. When I seek counseling from friends about our situation, they laugh at me and the situation, but their advice comes from a place of love. Until today, I didn’t know that they were “Friends of Our Marriage”. These friends give supporting and encouraging advice and tell us that we can weather the storms that come our way. They are the community that promised to love and guide us through our marital journey. Lee and I are thankful for the Friends of Our Marriage. There are too many to name, but you know who you are.
Do you have friends of your marriage? Read this article and find out who really is a friend of your marriage and who is a potential jump-off.