When dating, the plight of the black woman is like no other. This isn’t intended to diminish the challenges and obstacles of any other race of woman. This is also not written to attack the opposite sex. It’s written to bring awareness, understanding and empathy for a culture of women that has to overcome not only the unfavorable stigma attached to their pigment and the texture of their hair, but also, the negative character portrayal and barrage of stereotypical images of black women in the dating world.
Stereotypes of the Black Woman
To name a few:
- The black woman doesn’t care about her body.
- She doesn’t like her own hair.
- They do not listen to their man.
- The black woman is not marriage material
- Black women have bad attitudes
- Black women have negative attitudes
- They don’t get along with other women
- Black women hate white women
- The women are gold diggers
- She is always angry
- Black women are ghetto and ratchet
- She talks too much
- Black women are bitter and heart-broken
- They are lazy baby-makers
- Black women can’t keep a man
Of course, none of these insidious and damaging characterizations of black women are true. However, it is important for you to realize how these stereotypes (or any stereotype) impact the dating landscape and the overall psyche of a black woman.
Origins
Based on a study conducted in the winter of 1999 by Laura Green of Virginia Commonwealth University. Sambo, Jim Crow, The Savage, The Mammy, Aunt Jemima, Sapphire and Jezebel are major causalities that result in stereotypes centered around black people and black women. In addition, the stereotypes of black women go as far back as slavery days and have stalked black people like a specter and/or evolved into modern-day thought.
Negative Polls About Black Women
Black women are beauty personified. However, black women have been degraded since slavery. Even so, by their own men. In video poll conducted by Buzz Feed researchers, called, “Do You Have A Racial Preference…” 2.4 million heterosexual interactions from the app, “Are You Interested.,” were used to determine preference. Users were classified by their gender and race.
The study revealed:
- Black women are the least desirable among all women.
- Black men responded mostly to women of other races, even though black women were 3 times more likely to respond.
- Black women are the least replied-to group.
- Black women are also the most likely to respond when compared against other races of women.
- Black women respond 25% more than other women.
- A similar survey by OkCupid revealed that black women were the least replied-to group.
- 1 out of 2.9 men respond to black women
More on that OkCupid survey
Back in 2009, the basics of race and attraction looked like this:
men
—non-black men applied a penalty to black women
—while black men showed little racial preference either way
women
—all women preferred men of their own race
—but they otherwise penalized both Asian and black men
Here’s how the exact person-to-person statistics look: Focus on the Black men rating and then look at the Black women rating.
I gather a few things from these numbers.
- Black men are willing to seek love outside their own race willingly.
- Black women are not as willing to do so.
- Black men rate black women least desirable at -3%
- Black women rate black men, “most” desirable at 16%
Some things never change…
- Black men are still willing to seek love outside their own race willingly.
- Black women are less likely to do so than they were in 2009
- Black men rate black women least desirable at 1%. Which is a slight jump from 2009
- Black women rate black men, “most” desirable at 23%. Which is a 7% jump from 2009.
- Black women are the only race to rate black men, “positively.”
Continue reading “Dating And The Plight Of The Black Woman – Part I”
The provider. Sometimes [your man], and [sex man] are broke-ass men. Or, they work jobs that don’t make them enough money to satisfy your craving for material objects, movies, trips, car payments, bills, whatever. Money has all that covered. You need a bill paid? Call bill man. Car about to be repossessed? Call bill man. Don’t want to spend your own money? Do I really need to say it again?
You can tell him these things because you don’t see him as your man, (you’ve friend-zoned him) nor will you ever. He has the best conversation—better then everyone else. He keeps your best kept secret locked away, and can even be a great alibi if your man knows about him. Perhaps at one point friend man was go out to eat/movie man…but you just didn’t see him in a more advanced role, so…he ended up being friend man.
