Gal Pals 101

Yep…

First of all I am going to say that this it not friendship advice, and that I am in no way qualified to be dishing out any of that. That would be like Charlie Sheen being an AA counselor. However, …

Source: Gal Pals 101

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Christmas Eve Service

This year has been amazing. More than I could have imagined. It’s Christmas Eve and I’m at Christ House again serving meals with some of my girlfriends. It is amazing that as we prepare to feast on the festivities this weekend that we are mindful of those that have no food or have no home.

There will be no tree to put gifts under. No turkey sitting on the table. No friends and family to bring egg nog and wish them good will. But, I will do my best.

I will serve gladly and make sure that they are wished the Merriest of Christmas. I will smile and listen to their stories. I will encourage their spirits. I will feed them a hot meal. It’s almost a new year – 2017 is around the corner and things can and will change for the better.

 

Being Comfortable in the Present

This is a follow-up to my post Do You Still Love? where I discussed how Mr. C stated that when we got married he wouldn’t want me to go out with men that I’ve ever smashed. The comments were coming in and I have to tell you that I was happy you commented and surprised that many people felt like Mr. C in that you should let the past be in the past.

It’s funny because people would have thought that I would be upset over it and maybe when I was younger I would have. But, he said that he wouldn’t want me to go out with them. Not be their friends, deny their calls or texts or emails. Just don’t go out with them. Is that really so hard not to do if we get married?

No, it’s not. He wasn’t trying to change me or control my friendships with men. He was saying that when we crossed into that threshold of marriage that he wanted to ensure that our bond was in tact by letting the past be the past. He wasn’t telling me to end relationships, just adjust them for the sake of our union.

When I took a step back and realized what he was saying, I realized that I could do that. It wasn’t difficult. It didn’t require a huge sacrifice. I wasn’t giving up anything. I was respecting his feelings. Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do? Be respectful of others wishes.

I have a wonderful man who loves and respects me each and every day. He makes me feel as though I am the smartest and most beautiful woman around. Having that and appreciating what and who he is makes me realize that there is nothing more important than being comfortable in the present.

I am where I am supposed to be. At this moment in time with this great man who didn’t ask me to give up friendships but to not hang out with men that I’ve smashed with in my past. And you know what? I’m good with that.

Day 4: Seven Days of Thankfulness

My Monday Motivational Moment is wrapped up into my seven days of thankfulness. I am thankful for moments. I know you’re probably wondering, what moments, so let me break it down for you.

Moments that happen in our lives are meant to reveal things to us. Some good and some bad. But, it is in those moments that we discover who we really are and who someone really is. Things are revealed like a curtain being pulled back and us finding out that there is no real wizard. We see things and people for who they are.

I’m thankful for those moments. They have helped shaped me. I continue to discover new things both good and bad about myself and those I interact with, but I tell you that it is in those moments that I grow stronger. There is strength in discovering the truth about people and situations.

Moments matter. Enjoy them. Cherish them. Understand them. I am thankful for those moments that defined who I am and what I’m meant to be.

Your Man is Only a Friend

In today’s age of social media, I’m finding that a lot of men that I may have met socially or have known from high school have girlfriends or wives that also want to be my friend. I’m talking about on Facebook. Have you ever experienced that? It drives me nuts.

Why? Because I think that they are befriending me out of a sense of insecurity about their relationships with their man. Let me be clear. I don’t want your man. I am all about sisterhood and positivity and I would never take another woman’s man. Plus, I have a man.

Many women who befriend me on Facebook now are doing so because I like their man’s posts. I’m not commenting on their post like “Ooh wee you’re so sexy” or “Hot stuff” or “I remember that time when we…”. Nope, none of that. Only time I comment if it is in reference to something that I deem of value (children, animals, social issues, family, etc). But, it doesn’t seem to matter because no doubt their woman will send me a friend request.

I typically won’t approve friend requests of people I’ve never met without an inbox introduction. If we know each other from the blogging community and you send me a request and let me know who you are I will most likely approve. This applies to you bloggers using aliases. I need to know who you are before I accept a request.

However, I tend to be more lax with the friend requests of women if we have mutual friends. I don’t put you through the pedophile reject list automatically. I will go to your page and see what you’re talking about or what you post about. If I feel like you could add value to my timeline then I will accept the request. Otherwise, I will pass on it. I don’t need anymore foolishness on my timeline.

I’m saying all this to say that I value and respect relationships. I’ve been cheated on. I didn’t like it, so trust that I would never disrespect your relationship. I’m also not friends with men who would cheat on their wives or girlfriends. If I am friends with your man it is because he is a good guy. He’s never been inappropriate towards me.

We need more trust in our lives. We need to value the relationships we create. We need to stop letting our insecurities make us fall victim to Facebook friending strangers.

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The Mask We Wear

I sat across from my girlfriend last night telling her about my problems. She and I were friends in high school. We reconnected at our 20 year class reunion three years ago. She was the photographer for Munch’s last birthday party. Our children were two years apart.

She and I had shared values. Raising wonderful boys. The seriousness of sisterhood and the desire to see women succeed. We put our boys in similar programs and always shared information. But, this was a first for me. Sharing my pains with her. I had a stressful day. I needed to talk to someone. We had plans.

So, I poured my heart out. I slowly drank my glass of water. No wine for me. I was upset. I refused to drink my calories rather I opted to indulge in dessert. I needed one. I deserved one.

As I sat there pouring out what had been going on with me for the last few months. I was teary eyed. I told her that I couldn’t understand why my son’s father and I couldn’t get a long. I was trying. I couldn’t continue to live like this.

She asked me about my marriage. Why did my marriage fail? I looked her in the eyes and said that I wore a mask. I had a mask on every day for the majority of my marriage. He didn’t know me. He couldn’t see the mask that I wore. He liked that “fake” me. I was living a lie.

I told her that there were many reasons. I could blame him, but I shared some of the blame. I lived a lie. I thought at the time it was my truth, but with each passing year it became more and more unbearable. I was literally drowning. Slowly.

Underwater and never to be seen.

He couldn’t see it. I explained to her that I realized that all women wear masks. Especially if you are a Type A personality. You tend to be the overachiever. You know the “I’m a Woman” type? You know the lyrics from Peggy Lee’s “I’m a Woman”…

“I’m A Woman”

I can wash out 44 pairs of socks and have ’em hangin out on the line
I can starch & iron 2 dozens shirts ‘fore you can count from 1 to 9
I can scoop up a great big dipper full of lard from the drippins can
Throw it in the skillet, go out & do my shopping, be back before it melts in the pan
‘Cause I’m a woman! W-O-M-A-N, I’ll say it again

I can rub & scrub this old house til it’s shinin like a dime
Feed the baby, grease the car, & powder my face at the same time
Get all dressed up, go out and swing til 4 a.m. and then
Lay down at 5, jump up at 6, and start all over again
‘Cause I’m a woman! W-O-M-A-N, I’ll say it again

If you come to me sickly you know I’m gonna make you well
If you come to me all hexed up you know I’m gonna break the spell
If you come to me hungry you know I’m gonna fill you full of grits
If it’s lovin you’re likin, I’ll kiss you and give you the shiverin’ fits
‘Cause I’m a woman! W-O-M-A-N, I’ll say it again

I can stretch! a green black dollar bill from here to kingdom come!
I can play the numbers pay the bills and still end up with some!
I got a twenty-dollar gold piece says there ain’t nothing I can’t do
I can make a dress out of a feed bag and I can make a man out of you
‘Cause I’m a woman! W-O-M-A-N, I’ll say it again
‘Cause I’m a woman! W-O-M-A-N, and that’s all.

I was living up to this song. Doing it all. Dying a little bit each day. Inside. I smiled on the outside and accepted the compliments when people commented on how I did it all? They would say “You make it look so easy. You work full-time, care for your child, attend every meeting, fund-raise for the school and then send out custom holiday cards or birthday cards, mother’s day cards, etc. How do you do it all?”

I was dying. I was trying to live up to the perfect woman with a smile on my face masking the real me. But, cracks showed in my marriage. He complained about the lack of sex. I was exhausted. It had nothing to do with attraction rather than exhaustion. I was too tired to perform my wifely duties.

 

 

This is a two part post. The second post will be continued tomorrow.