In today’s age of social media, I’m finding that a lot of men that I may have met socially or have known from high school have girlfriends or wives that also want to be my friend. I’m talking about on Facebook. Have you ever experienced that? It drives me nuts.
Why? Because I think that they are befriending me out of a sense of insecurity about their relationships with their man. Let me be clear. I don’t want your man. I am all about sisterhood and positivity and I would never take another woman’s man. Plus, I have a man.
Many women who befriend me on Facebook now are doing so because I like their man’s posts. I’m not commenting on their post like “Ooh wee you’re so sexy” or “Hot stuff” or “I remember that time when we…”. Nope, none of that. Only time I comment if it is in reference to something that I deem of value (children, animals, social issues, family, etc). But, it doesn’t seem to matter because no doubt their woman will send me a friend request.
I typically won’t approve friend requests of people I’ve never met without an inbox introduction. If we know each other from the blogging community and you send me a request and let me know who you are I will most likely approve. This applies to you bloggers using aliases. I need to know who you are before I accept a request.
However, I tend to be more lax with the friend requests of women if we have mutual friends. I don’t put you through the pedophile reject list automatically. I will go to your page and see what you’re talking about or what you post about. If I feel like you could add value to my timeline then I will accept the request. Otherwise, I will pass on it. I don’t need anymore foolishness on my timeline.
I’m saying all this to say that I value and respect relationships. I’ve been cheated on. I didn’t like it, so trust that I would never disrespect your relationship. I’m also not friends with men who would cheat on their wives or girlfriends. If I am friends with your man it is because he is a good guy. He’s never been inappropriate towards me.
We need more trust in our lives. We need to value the relationships we create. We need to stop letting our insecurities make us fall victim to Facebook friending strangers.
A Thomas Point of View 
My husband and I share our FB identity under a name no one would guess. We get almost zero random requests and we have almost an equal number of pals. I like his man friends very much. They have become our friends.
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And in relationships that tends to inevitably happen. We have to trust the people we’re with and not think that if your man likes a post or picture of me that he wants me. No, maybe he thinks I look pretty good that day and wanted to send some positivity my way. LOL.
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oooh yes sister preach…tell them. i also hate it so much and only accept requests from people i know.
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I know. We have to stop being in relationships and being insecure. If your man has a female friend, trust it’s probably only friendship. I have a lot of male friends on my FB timeline that I’ve never dated or been interested in and they like my posts or leave messages about my parenting my son that I find encouraging. I don’t think that they want me or are being inappropriate. We women need to get out of our own way.
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Insecurities kill relationships. Well-written.
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Thank you so much. Yes, they do.
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Hey Thomas quite silly shallying around and speak your mind! You think I follow you cuz you’re so namby pamby? NO i like my truth straight. Booo ha ha ha and a ghostly echo of such!!
But seriously T.T. you make a good point; I also will never be “that other woman” and the fact that I have? a man has nothing to do with it. I value myself and I value others and I value commitment; and so on and so on and so on. I’m no risk and if it seems like I am; I STOP the process cuz I value myself too much.
I actually have had situations where I am angry at “my” man….He who WILL NOT Obey…because of his face book friends. But only when he starts telling them about me or breaks out in a sweat if he can’t get in touch with them. That is too close a friend, I don’t do that with my own girlfriends (unless they’ve declared suicide), he shouldn’t do it regarding his girlfriends. Other than that….every person for themselves.
I’m glad he has friends of any sort but there are a few subjects that should be handled within the circle of two.
Love reading your “namby pamby” stuff. Your “almost acquaintance” ~~dru~~
PS: That is what we need; acquaintance buttons and kinda like or at least “Well I Did Read it” buttons.
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LOL. Thanks Dru. Unless they’ve declared suicide huh? LMAO. I’m with you.
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So on point. Loyalty is so important to me as well but insecurities will always be there. My hubby is hardly on Facebook but if he was I would not add his female friends because of a like or comment. Granted I now only check my Facebook once a month so it has been a while since I Face creeped. In my first year of marriage I had an old guy friend from college who didn’t care much about getting into a committed relationship private message me telling me how much he loves me and was sad I got away. I told my husband about it ( just because I thought that way ridiculous) and then blocked the dude. My hubby and I have been together for 9 years. Loyalty is important to me so I try and show it just as much as I expect it from others.
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Yes! I love it. You’re protecting your relationship. I hate men that do that. No one has time for that. Mr. C is on FB with no picture and no postings. It’s hilarious. He doesn’t really like anything I post because he would rather tell me in person what he liked and most of my pictures, I was with him when they were taken so he doesn’t go and “Like” them afterwards. I respect that. His social media skills are basic and I respect that about him. However, if he were to like another woman’s picture I wouldn’t be afraid. I would still feel the same.
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I’m with you on this. I don’t mind virtual friendships but I’m like you I usually check and see if we have any mutual friends or interests first.
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Yep, you could be a stalker.
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FB has become a playground for cheating and its scary. At the same time, if you cant trust your s/o or mate, you spend your time checking cell phones, comments on social media/inboxing questions of inquires on how you know my man, then youre better off alone.
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So true. Be by yourself.
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