Your Truth

My cousin said this was her favorite post. I was so honored. I wrote this over two years ago. I wanted to share it again.  This was a follow-up to the break-up post that I wrote about here:

Okay, so here’s the deal…

You can’t treat me like I’ve stolen your puppy or run over your foot in my car. Why are you acting like I destroyed you? I told you how I felt when we last spoke and my world forever changed. Without any thought to how I feel or what I’m going through, you act like you’re hurt. Are you really going to say that you are the victim here? Do you know or even care how I feel? I told you that I needed space and time because I knew the rules of this situationship when we met. I knew. But, somehow I couldn’t stay within my lane and I caught feelings. I wasn’t trying too. I was trying to take it for what it was. Casual dating.

I told you last week that my spirit was in turmoil and that I wasn’t sleeping or eating because I knew it was time I got off this merry go round. I was a wreck this weekend and I kept breathing and saying, “I need to take this one day at a time”. One second becomes one minute which becomes one hour until I can make it through the day. I told my friends that I did the impossible and ended it with you. I told them that it hurts. They replied, “I know, but I love you and it will get easier.”

I told my family that I had fallen in love with someone who I wasn’t ready to introduce to them but we broke up. I said, “He doesn’t love me and I can’t breathe because it hurts like hell.” My sister replied for me to repeat after her “We don’t love them ho*s”. I laughed with tears in my eyes and sighed, “But, I do.” My mother told me, “Baby, I’m sorry, but I never thought I would survive your break up at 15 when you overdosed on pills and slit your wrists. Hell, I never thought you would survive it. But, you did. If you could survive that you can survive anything.” I told her, “I know I will survive. It just hurts like hell.”

Again, I wallowed in my pain and bathed in my heartache praying for peace. My plea to you to stop calling me wasn’t because I don’t want to be your friend or be in your life. It was because I don’t have the strength to stop talking to you. Because I’m weak. I want to know how you’re doing. I want to hear your voice and know that you are okay. I want to laugh about stupid stuff or whatever. It’s my problem. I know. I’m not blaming you. I just need time to get my head on straight and be able to truly be your friend without having these feelings for you. I owe it to myself to choose me first.

So, I will do what I do best and journal my pain. I wish only the best for you and know that you are in my prayers and thoughts always. Only time can heal this chasm of pain.

 

Note: This is not about Mr. C and I. We are fine. This is from a prior relationship.

 

 

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links:  Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

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6 thoughts on “Your Truth

  1. Good stuff, it’s amazing how we can write about old flings with so much emotion. It’s like I’m living that moment to bring every emotion out but but the pain is gone. When I met my husband I didn’t compare him to anyone man. I never loved like I love him. When I fell in love with him it was like falling in love for the first time. I did everything different when I looked in his eyes I saw right through his eyes to his soul and felt we had the same soul. I love how you keep us straight by saying this is not about Mr C. Someone is going through that experience today. We live in each other’s shadows and I write because I want someone to learn from my mistakes.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, Lord. I want to share with women that I have the same experiences you have. I’ve loved men who weren’t worthy. I’ve felt misused and abused in relationships but I’ve overcome to be blessed with an incredible man who loves me for me. Who loves who I am and lets me grow in this space we’ve created. It’s amazing. Girl, when God sends you the man – you realize that no one and nothing ever mattered before him.

      Liked by 1 person

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