I told you in yesterday’s post how I met and fell in love with a man after my ex that really was a filler. This was difficult because I didn’t believe in love, but after trying on-line dating and meeting this man that wooed me, I believed I could meet someone. He wasn’t the one.
So, I ended things and took a brief break. Until one day I reactivated my profile and met another man. He was different than most. Funny and short with a body made of pure muscle he had some endearing qualities. He was older than the last man and definitely one of the oldest men that I had dated. He as 8 years older than me. I didn’t even agree to meet him for an official date until 3 months of back and forth consistent communication.
He understood. Never pressured me. I believed that the age gap had made us somewhat able to relate. How wrong I had been. I wrote about him and our experiences in getting to know each other when I asked him Why Are You Single? He was showing me a different side. Not romance, but chivalry. We both led busy lives. His son was home from college and had no driver’s license. He lived in Baltimore County and that was a long way from me living in the southern part of Prince George’s County.
We made it work when we could. I was a soccer mom with a pretty predictable schedule. I wanted to take my time and make sure that he was genuine so I was dating a couple of other men during that time. Nothing serious. All were fillers. My heart wasn’t in it. It was with the last one. I was getting over him.
But, Mr. K had problems. Commitment problems. Time was his biggest issue. We could never connect. I believed him when he made excuses. I was being naive. Too trustworthy for someone who didn’t even know the meaning of the word. He cancelled more dates due to him being sick than anyone I have ever met in my life. One of the hardest ones was to the Beer, Bourbon and BBQ festival.
We were supposed to smoke cigars and drink. I only lived 3 miles away and I was hoping to get hammered. He cancelled. I went with my best friend and had a great time, but it wasn’t the same. It ended shortly thereafter because I don’t like liars. I have a smart mouth and I don’t have time for the fake ones. I wrote it about here: And It’s Done.
I became frustrated about the lack of honesty and transparency when dating. I still had contact with Mr. K. Not sure why. Maybe I was believing that we could just be friends, but did I really need another friend? Probably not, but I was hard headed and I started to let my guard down with him.
Giving him more chances than I would with anyone else because I believed that somewhere there was a nice guy there. Why? Because he would say the nicest things to me. Why was this so hard? I wasn’t looking to rush down the altar (been there and done that) nor was I looking for a father to my son (he has one) so what was the issue? I know that I intimidate a lot of men for various reasons (a lot of it is my intellect) but I really wanted to find someone that could appreciate all the awesomeness of me.
But, I was sliding into old behaviors and sliding into the bed with the one that I loved and left. I missed him. I missed us. Old feelings started to resurface. I was getting caught up again. He was a bad habit that I couldn’t break. I was hurting from the one that I thought was awesome with all the great qualities and feeling lonely because the man I loved didn’t love me back.
I needed to get off this dang roller coaster of emotions and stop myself. Eventually, Mr. K slow faded me. It was cool. I figured it should have happened months before. I deserved better. I needed and wanted someone to love and take care of me. Not financially, but emotionally. I needed my own love. I craved it. I made a decision.
Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.
A Thomas Point of View 
I really like that perspective…..A woman should never invest in a relationship she wouldn’t want for her daughter…….. That’s a very good point! As well as which she wouldn’t want to her son to be that kind of man. It’s interesting to note the parallels between your dating story and my daughter’s. She went through some seriously weird dating, but after a ‘just one last time Mom’ reactivating of her online dating profile she has indeed met ‘the one’ and they’re getting married next year. He’s lovely; funny, sweet, unassuming, kind, generous with his love, and adores my daughter. He and I have the same political views and have a rave ranting about the UK politicians, Trump, and lots of other fun stuff we find to complain about….my daughter loves it and sits there with an amused smile as she listens to the rants going back and forth. Thank God he and I get on so well. Her first husband despised me and made my relationship with her very difficult. At the moment they’re learning to live together, the wedding plans are coming along and Mamma is sitting on the sidelines waiting for the pitter patter of little feet…I’ve put in an order to stork land, I hope they got it 🙂
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LOL. It’s true. Sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs in order to find your prince. I’m so happy she was able to meet a great guy and someone that you like. It would be difficult to have someone who makes the mother/daughter relationship difficult again. I’m sure the stork’s will process your order so you can get some grand kids.
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The key word is you knew that you deserve better and that’s good. A lot of women don’t have a clue and let men use them. Take advantage of them and break their heart. I remember in the late eighties my cousin fell in love with a guy that didn’t choose to love her. He disappeared on her. She started doing things for him cooking his dinner and taking it to him, washing his clothes. So one day she asked me if she can use my car, well I was driving a very expensive sports car 280Z X and I didn’t trust him. So I jumped in my car with her. We drove 50 miles so she can have a little picnic with him. She had packed a picnic basket and home-baked cookies. She wouldn’t let me eat one. When we got there it was a sandwich shop with a picnic area setup. She went in and bought a bottle of wine. When he showed up he seemed distraught and upset, she had went too far I can relate to that, but I never went as far as she did trying to keep a man. Some women love harder than others. He didn’t want to just tell her to leave. He stayed So I went off and got busy doing something else and let her proceed to have a picnic. He explained to her that he wasn’t interested. That day she forced him to tell her to get lost. And she is so beautiful I don’t know what his problem was with her. I guess he just wasn’t ready for a serious relationship. Women always want to blame them self and it’s not them it’s the man. He just wasn’t ready she wasn’t the one to get him ready. She cried all the way home and then as I was dropping her off she said; “Tomorrow I’m going to bake him a cake” I said; “I think you should just leave him alone and let him miss you”. She wasn’t hearing me. I didn’t take her to see him anymore.
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Yep, we do. I just heard Steve Harvey talking about that last week and another blogger commented on my post about how someone women lack respect for themselves. We allow ourselves to get hung up on a man that we accept less than what we deserve or less than what we want our children to have. Self-love is the first step to finding happiness.
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