I had dinner a couple of nights ago with a friend of mine. It was great to catch-up. We hadn’t hung out in a few months and I needed to let him know the things that I was going through. He asked me about my relationship with Mr. C and I was gushing all over my man. We were talking about how we’ll be getting married in the fall of 2020 and he started laughing. He asked “Does he want to marry you?” I looked at him seriously “Absolutely. Why wouldn’t he? I’m pretty damn amazing. Hell, one of the main reasons that I want to wait is that I’m not ready to jump back into the wife role. Don’t you find me amazing?” He replied “Of course.”
Well it got me to thinking about how do you define yourself? Do you love yourself? I mean I don’t lack in self-esteem. Mama didn’t raise no fool. I may not be your cup of tea, but damn it I didn’t ask you to pick up my cup and take a sip. My tea is a strong like me and not all men can handle that. Some men actually prefer weak tea “aka weaker women”. Those men have moved out of the way to allow my love to walk with me.
See, I am not perfect. No one is. But, I’m a great woman and someday I’ll enter into being a great wife. It’s the steps that I’m taking now that are allowing me to march forward in my relationship without hesitation. You’ve got to do the same.
I love all my curves and the baby weight that I’m still carrying 9 years later. I love me. I love the way I blush when you ask me about Mr. C. A deep red, genuine blush because I can’t believe how blessed I am to have a man that God chose for me riding with me through this life. I’ve learned to love my nose. The weird nose that looks nothing like my family. I love it.
Beyond the physical though, I just want to tell you that I love myself. Through all the mental and physical attributes, scars and fresh cut wounds the absolute best thing about me is my strength. I’m a fighter. You don’t know? Read my post last week. Know that many men have tried to break me and none can or will.
My man loves my strength. No matter the adversity I keep fighting. I keep pushing forward. I keep surviving and thriving. That’s nothing but favor, love. God’s got and has kept me. So, Mr. C sees favor, strength and beauty all wrapped up into one when he sees me. He sees someone who made a vow to God, whose kept it and wants to honor Him as a couple. He sees a wonderful mother and friend. Why wouldn’t he want to marry me? I love me and I love him.