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Day 8: Perseverance

It’s Day 8 of my #23DaysofThankfulness. Today, I’m thankful for perseverance.  Perseverance is defined as steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement. Have you persevered in something? Did it make you stronger? Did it change you?

perseverance (noun)

steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.

I have. I never thought I would survive some of the things that I’ve been through, but thank God. He’s infused strength in me that I didn’t know existed. It has allowed me to persevere in spite of trials and tribulations.

I don’t give up. I won’t give up. I am a fighter. So are you. Let your strength shine through so you can keep persevering despite your circumstances.

Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

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Behold Your Beauty – #Love Yourself

I had dinner a couple of nights ago with a friend of mine. It was great to catch-up. We hadn’t hung out in a few months and I needed to let him know the things that I was going through. He asked me about my relationship with Mr. C and I was gushing all over my man. We were talking about how we’ll be getting married in the fall of 2020 and he started laughing. He asked “Does he want to marry you?” I looked at him seriously “Absolutely. Why wouldn’t he? I’m pretty damn amazing. Hell, one of the main reasons that I want to wait is that I’m not ready to jump back into the wife role. Don’t you find me amazing?” He replied “Of course.”

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Well it got me to thinking about how do you define yourself? Do you love yourself? I mean I don’t lack in self-esteem. Mama didn’t raise no fool. I may not be your cup of tea, but damn it I didn’t ask you to pick up my cup and take a sip. My tea is a strong like me and not all men can handle that. Some men actually prefer weak tea “aka weaker women”. Those men have moved out of the way to allow my love to walk with me.

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See, I am not perfect. No one is. But, I’m a great woman and someday I’ll enter into being a great wife. It’s the steps that I’m taking now that are allowing me to march forward in my relationship without hesitation. You’ve got to do the same.

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I love all my curves and the baby weight that I’m still carrying 9 years later. I love me. I love the way I blush when you ask me about Mr. C. A deep red, genuine blush because I can’t believe how blessed I am to have a man that God chose for me riding with me through this life. I’ve learned to love my nose. The weird nose that looks nothing like my family. I love it.

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Beyond the physical though, I just want to tell you that I love myself. Through all the mental and physical attributes, scars and fresh cut wounds the absolute best thing about me is my strength. I’m a fighter. You don’t know? Read my post last week. Know that many men have tried to break me and none can or will.

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My man loves my strength. No matter the adversity I keep fighting. I keep pushing forward. I keep surviving and thriving. That’s nothing but favor, love. God’s got and has kept me. So, Mr. C sees favor, strength and beauty all wrapped up into one when he sees me. He sees someone who made a vow to God, whose kept it and wants to honor Him as a couple. He sees a wonderful mother and friend. Why wouldn’t he want to marry me? I love me and I love him.

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Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.

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Motivational Monday Moment – 12/12/16

My Motivational Monday Moment is about survival.

survival

Survival as a noun is the state or fact of continuing to live or exist in spite of your circumstances. In other words, your circumstances may be horrific, your journey may be treacherous, your path may be blocked, but you are still surviving. Survival is key to it all. You must survive it.

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I started thinking about this on Saturday when I went to the hairdressers. Remember, I told you that my hair salon is like free therapy? It really is. Well, we women were in there talking about our lives and dating.

I was speaking to a woman that I hadn’t seen in over 3 years. Last time we saw each other, I was married. Now, I’m divorced. She explained that she’s separated and divorcing her husband. She spoke about her circumstances and even though she left, she has peace of mind. I smiled.

I told her that my mom told me a long time ago that…

You can’t put a price tag on peace of mind. – my mommy

She said that she agreed. I told her that sometimes the hardest things we can do is to walk away from the things and/or people that cause us pain. She told me that her pastor’s wife had told her not to worry about the process, but to worry about the promise. God’s promise.

Whew! That was it right there!

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We spend so much time worrying about the process and not the promise that joy comes in the morning that we continue to live in a state of never ending darkness. But, when we push forth through the process and begin to shift our mindset from the process to the promise we start to remember what it says in the Bible:

Psalm 30:5 (NKJV)

For His anger is but for a moment,

His favor is for life;

Weeping may endure for a night,

But joy comes in the morning.

We begin to see morning as a breakthrough. We begin to push through and fight. Fight for our survival. Fight to survive the bull that we’ve endured. The pain, the heartache, the struggles are only temporary.

There is a shift in the atmosophere. Our pain becomes bearable. Trust me. I know what it is like to have a thorn in your side that doesn’t seem to move. You pray for peace.

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My prayers are simple:

Lord, give me the strength to endure.

He does.

That’s why I’m able to tell you that survival is possible. That you too can get through the process by knowing that the promise is to see you survive. God says so. He says that he knows the plans He has for you.

But, we forget.

We think that our situation is unmanageable. We can’t see a way out. It seems impossible. But, it’s not. Nothing is too impossible.

And when you survive…know that your scars serve as your testimony to someone else. Tell them how you survived. Tell them how you felt during that time. You are showing them that they can get through it too.

Be the inspiration that they need to know that survival is possible. Yes, it will be hard. Yes, you will have scars, but you will survive. The scars show that you survived your situation.

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Motivational Monday Moment – 11/28/16

Today’s the last Monday in November. My Motivational Monday Moment is about perseverance.  Let’s talk about perseverance.

perseverance (n)

1.steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc.,especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.

2.Theology. continuance in a state of grace to the end, leading to eternal salvation.

Perseverance is one of the hardest things we can do. How many times have we been going through things and felt like giving up? How many times did you feel like you couldn’t take no more and you just wanted all the pain and BS to end?

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If you’re like me, you’ve experienced some rough situations and times in your life and you wondered how the heck you would make it. But you did. You persevered in spite of your circumstances and situations. You kept running.perseverance

That’s what you have to do. You have to keep running your race. I know you’re tired. I know you feel as though you can’t go on.

I know that you think you’re in the pits of hell and I can’t possibly imagine what you’re going through, but trust me I do. I understand. I feel your pain. I feel your heartache. I feel your desperation.

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I’ve been there. But, I want you to know that you can beat this. You can get through this. You just need to run on!

Keep running!

Don’t stop!

Don’t give up!

Your breakthrough is on the horizon. I will walk beside you. I will be there to comfort and encourage you. We will be stronger together if we are persistent to finish this race.

You can persevere my friend.

 

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Random: At This Moment

Last week a friend of mine said, “I hadn’t heard from you in a long time.” I responded “I know. I’ve been going through some things and haven’t really shared.” She asked, “What’s going on?” I replied, “Every month since October there has been some major hardship/issue that has affected me. I feel like I can’t breathe” I muttered. “It’s at times overwhelming and I’m consistently asking God to please give me the strength to endure” I said.

Silence.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked. “No, not right now” I responded.

I didn’t. I didn’t want to talk about my problems/issues. Why? Because I was tired of crying.

Alone in my bed when the world is asleep, I toss and turn and cry.

Crying is cathartic for me. It exhausts me. It solves nothing, so I’m not sure why I do it. But, I do.

I cry for things that have happened, things that haven’t happened and things that I want to happen. I cry and pray. Pray and cry. Non-stop.

Until I go numb. Then I drift off to sleep. Sleep is fretful and disturbing. Weird dreams with no understanding of what they mean. Nightmares. Never peaceful bliss. I’m exhausted by the time I awake.

A hot shower, a cup of coffee and make-up to hide the bags under my eyes. I pinch my cheeks and smile and practice my “I’m in control of my life” look. Why? Because the world expects me to be okay. They expect me to be good. To be in control. I’m not expected to fall apart. I haven’t fallen apart since my marriage disintegrated.

Ugh! Those memories still haunt me to this day. Falling out from emotional and spiritual fatigue and unable to stand. I lay on the floor crying in a heap. My then 5 year old son held my head and rubbed my hair saying, “Mommy, please don’t cry. Mommy, I will protect you.”

I cried harder.

This too shall pass.

I’ve survived worse is what I keep reminding myself. Don’t give in to the darkness. Breathe. Take it one day at a time. Pray. Pray without ceasing. Give it to God.

I have. I do. I’m so weak.

A friend said, “You have it all together.” I smiled and replied “Nope, I am one crisis away from a nervous breakdown.” Awkward silence.

Dang, I didn’t want that. It’s too early for him to think that I’m crazy. It’s too early to show vulnerability. What will he think?

I can’t breathe.

I have to think about something else. I have to focus on today’s task. I have to remind myself that my greater is coming. Strength. That’s what I need.

God please give me the strength to endure and while you’re in the problem solving business give me some grace and mercy. I could truly use it right now. Thank you Lord.

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Three Day Quote Challenge – Day 3

This is the last day of the quote challenge and I am sharing the quote below. I love this. Let me tell you that this has been my constant prayer for the last couple of months of the year. Between my dad having cancer, going home to spend time with him, being sick, having my car hit by the U-haul and then ending up in the emergency room last week it has been an interesting season.

I kept saying there is a lesson in the struggle. I am faithful. I will prevail. However, I realized that I was letting the stress affect me and neglected my health. Never again. Thankfully, I am a better but I tell you that when your body acts up you need to pay attention. It was my wake up call that allowed me to not stress and just ask for strength.

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I nominate the following 3 blogs:

What Sandra Thinks

I’m Done Being The Fat Girl

Nekia Butler

 

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Meaning

Sometimes the load gets to heavy to carry. The weight of the world rests on my shoulders and I feel as though no one can see my pain. I struggle to maintain my sanity when my world turns upside down. To be able to distinguish between fact and fiction when I’m looking through the glass and trying to find meaning.

Is it supposed to be hard? Am I supposed to know what to do with my life? How can I get out of this situation I put myself in? When will the pain end? Does anyone see me crying? Why can’t people stop being so dang selfish and offer to just be there?

All those thoughts overwhelm me and the voices start to tell me that no one is there and that it is all on me. I don’t know if it’s true. I’m grasping for something to hold on to because I can’t seem to get my bearing. I need to find solace. I need to find my strength and regain my balance.

Black women are supposed to be strong. We’re not supposed to show the cracks in our armor. We are supposed to heal. A mental health break is for fools they whisper. Pick up your armor and keep fighting the voices yell. I can’t. I’m too tired. I can’t keep fighting. Am I having a mental breakdown?

I need to get a grip. So, I place my weary body in bed and reach for my Ipad. I need to read. To lose my mind in the pages of someone else’s fiction. To stop trying to fix my life when I can’t stop crying. I click on the Kindle app and read and soon I feel my pain ease.

My mind subsides. The voices become a whisper and I find solace in the pages of an author’s pain. The characters become kindred spirits and I see color. Color is calming. It claims my spirit and tells me that this too shall pass.

I like color. I like reading. I like being. Right here. With you. In this fantasy.

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Why Are You Single?

That was the question that I asked Mr. K last week. We were having a conversation and I said, “Why are you single?” I wanted to know. I had to know. You know that whole inquiring minds thing right?

No, it was more than that. This man is different. He opens doors. He pulls out my chair. He listens. He follows through when it comes to showing interest in things I’m doing whether personally or professionally. He converses about things he knows nothing about because I want to talk about them. He listens enthusiastically and makes me feel uber smart and appreciated.

So, you’re probably thinking, T, if you know all of this then why are you asking this man why he’s single? Right? Because I had to know. I mean he’s too good to be true. He’s normal. Normal is good. I mean he has dinner with his parents  every Wednesday. Sidebar: I think this is so cool.

His response? “Because I want to be.” He explained to me that he had two serious relationships that scarred him. He told me how he felt that he couldn’t be with a woman after his divorce because he paid an astronomical amount in child support. He said that he felt that he couldn’t date a woman while paying all that money. Wow! I was shocked by his honesty. But, appreciated that he shared that.

However, I wasn’t expecting his next question though…why are you single? I said because I’m a handful. He laughed. I told him that I was over playing a shrinking violet in someone’s orchestra when I was born to be the prima ballerina in my own ballet. I told him that I am all about compatibility and friendship first. I want to take my time experiencing being courted and making memories that matter and mean something in my life.

I explained that I am in no rush to do anything because I’ve been married before and I don’t want anymore children. I’m done. So for me it truly is me knowing and accepting the fact that the man who is supposed to be in my life will seek me out, court me, understand me, accept me and love me and my son with everything he has. He said I get it. I told him, “Remember when I told you that I want a man who knows I’m the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?” He said, “Yeah.” I replied, “That’s why I’m still single. No man has recognized that.”

Fast forward to today and I’m thinking, self-reflecting, self-evaluating and such and I realized that I was sorta right. I mean I think men recognized that I was the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, but they took it for granted that I would always be there shining for them. It sucks, but those experiences only made me stronger.

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