One of the things that Lee and I are finding out is that parenting is hard. It’s just like our folks said, “There is no manual that comes for raising children”. It’s true. We find it difficult to find a balance in our household for the type of parent that we want to be for Brennan. I want him to grow up in a warm and loving household with lots of hugs and kisses and laughter. Lee wants that as well, but he wants structure and discipline. Lee constantly reminds me that we are raising a black boy who will become a black man. He wants to lay the iron fist down.
We had dinner with friends the other night and Lee mentioned that Brennan is not afraid of me. I simply replied “So, he’s afraid of you.” Lee feels that Brennan should be afraid of both of us. My friend interjected and said, “It’s okay that Brennan is afraid of one of you. One should be the nurturer and one should be the disciplinarian.” She explained that because Lee and I both grew up in single parent homes we only had one person to truly fear. If you are a single parent, you spend a lot of time disciplining your children to make sure that they grow up “right” and not a lot of time nurturing them. I told Lee that we are doing it together, so Brennan will have the best of what we didn’t get and all of what we want. I found this great article on positive parenting and I think that is what we’re trying to do.
You can give hugs, kisses, laughter and discipline and still raise a beautiful well mannered child. Check out the below article for the 10 Golden Rules of Positive Parenting.
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I found this article regarding a model found hanging and police looked to her boyfriend as a suspect because she was a victim of domestic violence. Please note that her “murder” was in fact listed as a suicide and the boyfriend was not charged. However, this got me to thinking about domestic violence as a whole. Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone, yet the problem is often overlooked, excused, or denied. This is especially true when the abuse is psychological, rather than physical. Emotional abuse is often minimized, yet it can leave deep and lasting scars.
No one should live in fear of the person they love. In today’s economic times, many people are staying in abusive relationships out of money. This should never be the case. I told my girlfriend one time, “I wish you loved you as much as I love you”. Psychological or verbal abuse destroys your self-esteem. When you love the abuser more than yourself, you don’t value your self-worth. You don’t believe that you are worthy for a better life, a better future or a better right now. Remember to surround yourself with people who love you, because they will support you when you need them. Signs that you are in an abusive relationship:
Does your partner:
humiliate or yell at you?
criticize you and put you down?
treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family to see?
ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments?
blame you for his own abusive behavior?
see you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?
Remember that our bodies are temples and once we respect the temple, few people can enter and destroy the temple. Love yourselves first. Oh, and my friend: left her spouse for a better life.
So, Lee and I are getting ready to go to Danville, VA on Tuesday with the baby. This is his 4th trip to Danville and we are excited to have him spend time with Lee’s godmother. This holiday, I’m more concerned about the other folks in America that will go hungry. The children who won’t have a turkey, dressing, collared greens, sweet potatoes and mounds of other food to chow down on. What will they eat? Who will help them? The fact of the matter is that there are so many Americans unemployed and living without food that it is a crying shame. My friend told me yesterday that a woman at her church was car jacked at the grocery store. The next day the police found her car. The only thing missing was her groceries. My mom told me about her friend who shops at the food bank and how hard it is to get meat at the food bank. She said on this trip to the food bank, they gave her some steaks. She was so happy to get those steaks and went about thinking how she was going to prepare them. She said the procedure is to finish shopping at the food bank and then leave your cart and pull your car up to the door. The volunteers will help you load your car. When she returned to get her groceries, she didn’t notice that someone had stolen her steaks. This Thanksgiving, I’m thankful for many things: health, happiness, family, shelter and food. I never took the small things for granted, but this year, I never realized how blessed I am. We have survived! Let’s pray for those and help those who are less fortunate.
Check out this video on CNN: http://us.cnn.com/video/?/video/us/2009/11/18/rowlands.hunger.report.cnn
This is an interesting article. Why would people believe taking kids from their parents and putting them in foster care is better for them? I have mixed feelings on this issue. On one hand, parents who are maliciously over feeding their obese children should be charged and have to undergo some kind of fine and punishment, but don’t take the children from them. On the other hand, children who are obsessed with eating need to be able to go into a state sponsored program to get them on the right track. It’s up to us as a village, not just the parents.
I worry every day whether Brennan will be an overweight toddler. I know he is off the chart based on his weight, but he is also a tall baby. I have asked his pediatricians repeatedly whether or not we should be worried. They said not to worry. Once, he starts walking, he should start burning some of the weight off. Not so. Apparently when I put him on whole milk at 1, he gained a whole new level of calories. Whole milk is so fattening, but he needs it for brain development. So, what do I do?
I’ve limited the number of bottles of milk to 16 ozs a day and increased his dairy, cheese and vitamins. I’ve started running after him in the house to help him burn the calories. He likes to play fetch like our dog Bailey. So, I throw things on the floor and he runs after them and brings them back to me. It is the cutest thing ever! All the while, Bailey is looking at him with a strange look on his face.
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Okay people, haven’t we moved beyond this? What an incredible step towards diversity at HBCU’s. Hampton University crowned its first non-black Miss HU Friday, leading to a division on campus that prompted her to write President Obama. Nikole Churchill, 22, competed against nine black students in the 15th annual Miss HU scholarship pageant. The senior nursing major attends the Virginia Beach campus and is the competition’s first non-black winner, according to executive pageant director Shelia J. Maye.
First, people are divided because she attends an extension location and not the main campus. Secondly, people are upset because she’s not black. She paid her money to attend the school just like everyone else. You can’t limit her because of the color of her skin. Was Dr. King’s March on Washington in vain? We have to be proud at the fact that we are really becoming an integrated and diverse nation. We still have many miles to go, but the fact that we are taking the steps in the right direction is an enormous compliment to our need to see who we are as a country.