Finding Me

The Constitution only gives people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself. – Benjamin Franklin

There is something I want to tell you…

I’m not perfect. Whew! I finally got that off my chest. I’m neurotic about alot of things. I’m moody and loving and emotional. Gasp! I actually cry when I see sad movies. The last time I cried…Umm, last week when I watched The Amazing Spiderman 2. Yep, when Gwen died, I balled. Before that I cried when I watched the movie, Belle. How could a mixed woman not be with the man she loved because he didn’t have a title? Love should have no color, status or issues. Love who you choose.

You see…I’m pretty dang emotional. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I live and I laugh and I cry. But, some of the hardest and most emotional tears I shed were over me. Why? Because I loved someone so much that I was hurt when they hurt me. I actually blamed myself for someone else’s shortcomings. I thought, “If I was smart enough he would introduce me to his family”, “If I was thin enough he would take me to meet his friends”, “If I didn’t anger him, he would stop walking out and not calling” and many more thoughts.

Pathetic huh? Not to me. Those times in my life when I felt hopeless and lost because I loved someone more than me taught me an invaluable lesson…I’m special and I am worth it. I’m worth someone wanting to jump through hoops to rearrange his schedule to see me on a whim. I’m worth honesty, dependability and faithfulness. I’m worth being with someone who wants and accepts all of me.

For many years, I shrank in relationships. I became smaller so he could be bigger. I denied my true self for the sake of relationships. I wanted to keep the peace. I hid my individuality and focused on the team (us) while the player (me) grew smaller and tried to give her all. I lost who I was. The thing that makes me special.

Until one day…

I woke up and took back my strength. Not to hurt anyone, but to save me. Because me needed saving. Me was special. Me was important. Me was just the beginning.

So, find who you truly are. What you truly want and make decisions that will help you get to your place of happiness and more. We all want something. This is your time to get your more and remember that you deserve it.