2015 advice dating dating chronicles dysfunction men relationships the journey women

Identifying Broken

Truth is everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for. – Bob Marley

In this period of self-evaluation, I’ve come to the realization that the world is full of broken people. It’s not just me. Everyone seems to be broken. But, before I could analyze or accept someone else’s brokenness I decided that I had to determine my type of brokenness and deal with any unresolved issues. Not necessarily for my potential mate, but for myself. Everyone knows baggage destroys when it’s sitting in your closet leaking toxic chemicals. LOL!

Seriously though I love the fact that I’ve been evaluating myself and determining what makes me happy. This self-evaluation has benefited me in dating because it has allowed me to be more judicious in how I spend my time with potential suitors. How? Because I know what my issues are (broken parts of me) and I know what I will and will not accept in a relationship (their broken parts).

Let me give you some examples:

  • A man who is abusive whether physically or verbally is “Broken Abuser”
  • A man who has an inability to commit to women is “Broken Non-Committal”
  • A man who has trust issues with women is “Broken Non-Trusting”
  • A man who has no financial means to support himself is “Broke Broken”

You get the gist right? By categorizing the broken parts of men it allows me to know exactly what I want and don’t want. Now, before you start thinking that I’m trying to build a perfect mate or not acknowledge my issue, that’s not true. Here are my broken names:

  • Broken Neurotic – I worry all the time even though I know that faith and fear can’t co-exist in the same place. I worry about being able to send my son to college, provide financially for my son, expose my son to different concepts and cultures or die before he is an adult.
  • Broken Controlling – Growing up I’ve been through hell and back. Not just financially, but emotionally and physically. Those things that happened in my past were beyond my control. Therefore, I am a control freak when it comes to my life. I like to control as much as possible and allow room for God to shake it up because I know that the best way to see God laugh is to show him your plans. So, in my mind I have to establish control so that I can prevent the unthinkable from happening again. I don’t try to control anyone else’s life, just my own. This controlled demeanor confuses people whereby they tend to make judgments on me as a person because I’m so calmed and dead face about things.
  • Broken Vulnerable – I tend to take a long time trusting people to even be vulnerable with them. It stems from my past relationships with men. If men don’t display a willingness to be open and transparent with me then I’m very guarded in my dealings with them.

See, I don’t think I’m perfect. However, what I’ve been able to do is to identify my issues and look at the men I meet with a different lens. Trying to identify their brokenness and see if it is something I can handle or not. If I can’t no worries, I will move on. If it is something that I can handle, then they are moved to the possibilities category.


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