A couple of months ago I read a great blog post by Taryn entitled A Letter to The Boys Who Refused To Be My Man. Well, I loved it so much that I decided to post my own letter to all the men that couldn’t, wouldn’t or didn’t step up.
My Dear Friend,
I am writing this letter to thank you for the lessons I learned after dating you. You may not know this but I try to take the negative and turn it into a positive and look for the lessons in all things. It’s a new year and I have a new attitude. I realized that I need to just let you know what I learned and resolved to not repeat these experiences in 2016.
- Lesson #1: You will only do what I allow you to do. I allowed myself to be an option in your life. I gave you chance after chance and justified my foolish behavior with a bunch of excuses. I allowed you to schedule last minute dates because you said you were busy and couldn’t plan a week in advance. I allowed you to not call me or text me, but then give you my time because you offered up a line about how busy you were. I settled for your excuses. It’s not all your fault. It was mine. I allowed you to do this and I should have known better.
- Lesson #2: Sex is overrated. It’s true. I put more stock in your bedroom skills than your ability to be the man that would want to wait. I allowed myself to be viewed as a sexual object than just as a beautiful woman who wanted someone who would wait. I thought that I had to give you a piece of my soul in order for you to see I was worthy of being chosen. I was a mess. I’ve learned that I needed to change my mindset and shift my focus because my true love is not looking for a cheap thrill. He already has given me my crown and he’s choosing a king for me. A king that will wait for me. That will honor me. That will respect me. That will thank Him for sending me his way because our minds will be aligned with a shared vision and a shared purpose to honor and serve Him as a unit.
- Lesson #3: You’re never to old to play games. I thought by dating men so much older than I that I would only deal with distinguished men who were looking for a partner. But, I learned that no matter what your age, you can still play games. It’s not that you want to play games that bothered me. It’s that you lied and deceived me into believing that you weren’t. You worked overtime to try to prove your case and I fell for it.
So much has changed in my life since I met you. I thank you for making me realize and accept that the dating realm has changed since I was last in it. It’s been two years since I entered the dating world again and I knew some things had changed but thank you for making me realize that I deserved better than what you were offering. I know that some women gave you so much of themselves without requiring you to give anything and you got complacent, but you must know that complacency brings about laziness and that is something that I don’t want.
I want a man that wants to work. Work as partners. Choosing to serve one God and not our flesh. I want a man who sees me, truly sees me and wants to sit inside my soul. Why? Because God told him that is where he’s supposed to be. I’m older, wiser and stronger. I’ve been broken and healed but what I’ve learned is that survival is key. Forgiveness is always offered and if I truly believe then it shall be.
Thank you for the lesson and I wish you all the love, happiness and success that you can imagine. I’m not bitter. I’m better. I’m not mad I’m motivated. I’m not a failure, I’m a fighter. Thanks for reminding me to fight.