2016 advice dating dating chronicles dysfunction faith relationships sex

You Finally Got It Girl

Upon the wonderful suggestion of a fellow blogger she suggested that I write a thank you letter to myself for the lessons learned. This is in response to my Thank You For The Lesson letter I published earlier this week. Isn’t that a great idea? So, here goes…

Dear Sis,

You’re beautifully and intimately made. Just the way you are. You have to remember that. You’ve suffered some bumps and bruises along the way, but you know that God has always provided. You have survived many storms and your faith is anchored in His spirit. I know that this dating thing caught you by surprise, but you have to know that you are not alone. There are many beautiful women all over the world dealing with the same foolishness and frustrations that you have with men. Here are three lessons you need to learn in order to survive.

Lesson #1: Girl, get your life. Your life sis! Not his. Stop checking for men that aren’t checking for you. Stop texting and calling a man that has truly made you an after thought instead of his first thought. Stop excusing his negative and misleading characteristics as “Oh, no one is perfect. I can work with that.” The hell you can! You can only fix your own self. You can’t fix him. You can’t make a grown man do anything he doesn’t want to do. You’re not his mama, heck you’re not even his girl. Get your own life and get some back bone and stop settling for foolishness. You are worth more than a few tricks from a silly rabbit.

Lesson #2: Your time is valuable! More valuable than money. Stop wasting it on men that aren’t in it for the long haul. Stop investing in short returns that yield no tangible results. You are trying to build your empire. Your empire is you sweetie and all that you want to do in this life time. Men who aren’t giving their time to you have no place in your life. Not the present nor the future. You work to hustle and grind each and every day so why should you have to settle for that lame excuse of “You know that I’m busy baby”. Really dude? Heck the President runs a country, squashes foreign crisis’, takes time for his children and still has time to show his First Lady why he’s the man. What’s your excuse? Time is valuable and you need to realize first and foremost that a man who isn’t willing to invest his time in you is only looking for a cheap thrill.

Lesson #3: Close your legs baby girl! You don’t have to prove a dang thing to anyone. You need to stop giving men the free ride on the Ferris wheel in your amusement park. Stop acting like you can handle a no string relationship. You can’t. Don’t try. You’re emotional. You’ll fall for him. You’ll confuse his prowess in the bedroom for love and feel yourself being pulled under in a raging sea of BS. You need to put up a sign that reads “No More Free Rides”. Men have to pay. Not boys. Men. I’m not talking about you should be prostituting and selling your goods on the corner sis. I’m talking about him courting your spirit. See that payment is worth more than a few meals at some fancy restaurants. That price means that he has discovered who he is as a man and wants to invest in your future. He’s committing his life to you by giving you the time and space to know that God has sent him to be your king. Nope, he won’t be riding no white horse but listen closely girl…he will be wearing a white glow. The glow that says he knows, loves and respects you. His aura is good. He is in touch with God, his inner spirit and the universe. He is a whole man. He wants to bring you clarity (that’s why his aura is white) because he is not about confusion or drama. He’s strong. He’s willing to wait. He knows your worth and respects it.

Baby girl – I know you’re frustrated and tired of the dating scene, but I need you to know that you’re too valuable to be letting men play you. Get your mind right, get your grind on and keep building your empire. Don’t settle for less out of loneliness. Don’t become bitter or think you will never find a man…you may not. I’m being real. If you don’t that’s okay too. Be happy in your singleness and love the woman, the beautiful woman, the entire woman, the scarred woman, the tired woman, the anxious woman, the betrayed woman and the joyous woman that you are. Love her. Love her with all your might. She needs that.



    1. Yes, and I was hoping that by writing this letter to my younger self that it would encourage young women to think about the choices we make with regards to men. Thanks for reading and commenting!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Aww, thank you. It was your idea. I started thinking about what I would say last night and it just came to me that I had to talk about the things that we normally don’t talk about to encourage someone else from going down the wrong path.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. I love love love this! I was in this place once too. Usually waking up staring at an empty bottle of cheap booze on the kitchen counter and absolutely no self worth. I didn’t really care about the guys who were using me because I was using them too. One I woke up in the middle of the night and told him to leave and never return. I hated myself and everyone around me. You just have to find your own light and once you do shine it bright and never let it go out again. Thanks so much for being a faithful linker of #momsterslink.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes! We need to fix us and stop looking for men to save us. Once we’re in a better place we find the ones that allow our lights to shine bright and not be intimidated by it. Been there done that. If these walls could talk. LOL. Aww, thank you for hosting the #momsterslink.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Tikeetha, this letter should be read to all high school students (male and female!). You have put it so well and I think we can all walk away from reading it with a clear understanding of self-love and empowerment. May God bless you greatly for being honest, strong and courageous in your writing.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. It was a “Come to Jesus” moment on the suggestion of a female blogger who said what would you say to yourself. I was sitting there just free flowing with thoughts.

        Liked by 1 person

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