No Strings Attached

Love this new blogger’s point of view. They followed me over the weekend and I went to check out their site. Love it.

Hi all, on this cozy Wednesday night… I had a conversation with one of my texters, who I describe as a person I normally text daily… but haven’t seen in years. The topic of course was relationship …

Source: No Strings Attached

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Why We Should Learn To Be Happy On Our Own

What a great post reminding us that we are in charge of our own happiness.

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I’ve just finished watching a hilarious movie called ‘How to Be Single’ with Rebel Wilson & Dakota Johnson. Rebel stole the show as she always does, and despite the story being light hearted and entertaining it got me thinking.

When my second serious boyfriend let me just after University, I was devastated and hit an all time low. I didn’t go out, I stopped exercising, I lost a ton of weight, I couldn’t find happiness in anything I did anymore. I couldn’t stand the thought of being by myself, I hated my own company.

So I decided, to avoid being by myself, I would make myself super busy. I threw myself into my 9-5, then took on two extra jobs as a tutor and at my local radio station. My days would start at 7am and end around midnight. I would make sure all my weekends were fully booked months…

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Manic Monday

Hey Everybody!

I’ve been ill since last week (right after turning 42) and so I don’t have a Motivational Monday Moment to share. I promise I will be back next week with one. I’m still recuperating but I’m back at work today.

Thankfully, Munch was with his dad last week and that allowed me to rest in spite of feeling like death. It’s the little things. However, he is back and in full on I can’t do anything without my mommy mode. Ah, to be 8 and spoiled.

My health is on the mend, I will be going to two more doctor’s appointments this week and one next week and then hopefully all will be well. I’m taking it easy and listening to my body. Getting plenty of rest and drinking lots of water (ugh!).

So, today I will be reblogging some great reads. If you have a great post that you would like me to share, please feel free to post it in the comments. I’m 8-9 days behind on some posts so please bear with me as I go through over 3000 emails for the last week. If you get “likes” out of order, it really is me reading your blog posts.

Until tomorrow loves!

Patiently Waiting

Patience.

I have none. 

I’m working on it.

I try.

I fail.

I get frustrated.

I thought having kids was supposed to teach me patience? It hadn’t. I’m impatient.

I want what I want when I want it. So says everyone. But, I argue…who doesn’t?

My patience was tested when I met Mr. C. He didn’t do what I wanted him to do when I wanted him to do it. He resisted.

The more I pulled, the more he resisted. He was trying to teach me patience. I was willing to walk away because he wasn’t moving fast enough.

Sad, but true. We dated four months before we went away to NYC and spent the weekend. We agreed to wait on sex, but you know that he didn’t even kiss me? Nope. Not one kiss.

I was so hurt. I felt unlovable. I felt undesirable. I felt as though he were leading me on? Why? Because he didn’t try to jump my bones.

It’s true.

I was acting a damned fool.

I had prayed to God to send me someone that would love and respect me. Here God was delivering a wonderful man to date and court my spirit and respect my body and I was mad because he wasn’t trying to sleep with me or kiss me.

Pathetic huh?

But, as a woman I grew up to believe that a man’s sexual attraction to you meant that you were somehow worthy to be wanted. So, here this man was not wanting me and that really messed me up. I mean he didn’t even kiss me. It was Valentine’s Day for crying out loud.

I tried to leave him. To walk away. To end it now before I fell in love with a man that really just wanted to be friends with me.

He stopped me. He talked to me. He confronted me.

I was ashamed.

He explained that he was respecting God’s will in my life and where I’m at in my faith and that kissing would make him want me. Sexually. He explained that since we were waiting that he wanted to take it slow and not be tempted.

I laughed.

Embarrassed as hell.

He did find me attractive. He wanted to take his time getting to know me.  He wanted the same things that I did. 

I needed to learn patience.

It’s hard as hell sometimes.

Our first kiss? Was 8 months after we started dating. But, I wanted more.

I wanted exclusivity.

We’ve been dating for 8 months man! Where is this going? Are we going to date each other exclusively? Tell me something before I walk away.

I mean, I can reopen my online dating profiles. I can accept dinner invitations from old friends.  I can be less available to you. 

I was being impatient again.

We became an official couple 10 months after we started dating. He’s a patient man. I’m an impatient woman. Maybe that’s why we work. Opposites attract.

I’m patient with something though. Marriage. I don’t want to rush marriage. I love the space we’re in and want to take it slow. 

I need a couple of years. Maybe three. My therapist and some of my friends think that’s too long. 

I don’t care. I asked Mr. C what he thought. He said he would wait for me.

I love that.

During this time, I promise to learn. To learn patience. To appreciate the wait.

 

The Third Love

Let me tell you about the types of men I’ve loved. Some good. Some bad. Was it all there fault? Nope. In many cases, I didn’t know who I was so they could never love me the way that I needed to be loved.

I didn’t know me.

I didn’t love me.

I couldn’t love them the way that they deserved to be loved.

Love was a concept to big to put in words and yet I desired it so much. I believed in it. I craved it. I wanted love and I needed to be loved.

Don’t most people?

What happens when you wake up and realize that you keep falling in love with the wrong type of people? What happens if that love abuses you or leaves you so messed up that you can’t fathom the pain of ever giving of yourself so completely? You sigh. You withdraw. You start to believe that you will never know love. True love.

That’s how I felt. I kept falling in love with the same kind of men. Until Mr. C. He was different. I couldn’t explain it. For the first time. I felt safe. I felt wanted. I felt loved. It was easy. It felt natural. It was healthy.

I was in shock. I was surprised. I was scared. I didn’t believe that a love without cursing or yelling, cheating or hitting was possible. We women are taught that no one is perfect and that we must fight for love. That love was hard.

However, that’s not true. I read this great article called  We Only Fall in Love with Three People in Our Lifetime – Each One for a Specific Reason by Kate Rose while perusing Facebook about a month ago. Man, this article was the truth.

This article had a profound effect because it basically summarized my  life story. I wasn’t alone. It basically said that we fall in love with three people in our lifetime:

  • Idealistic love—the one that seems like the fairy tales we read as children.
  • Hard love—the one that teaches us lessons about who we are and how we often want or need to be loved.
  • Third love  – the one we never see coming. The one that usually looks all wrong for us and that destroys any lingering ideals we clung to about what love is supposed to be.

I’ve had 5 idealistic loves. I’m not sure if they knew it. We just existed in this space between fantasy and reality and planned lives we would never have and futures that wouldn’t be. We believed in fairy tales. These loves occurred between high school and college.

I’ve had 2 hard loves. These loves were painful. They were loves that I tried to fit. Loves that I wanted to mold and manipulate into the greatest love ever to be. But, they couldn’t. They weren’t designed to be my forever love. They were designed to teach me about myself. I was hurt. I was broken. They shaped my belief that this can’t be real. This can’t be the love that God has for me.

And then there was three. The third love from the third type of person. The love that just works. That’s the best type of love. I know because I have it. For the first time in my life.

You can too. We just have to get out of our own way and love ourselves enough to heal from love #2 to get to the third love.  We can’t let number #2 have all the power over how our lives turn out. We have to move past the pain,the anger, the resentment, the failure – all of it. Once we do, we allow ourselves to know and appreciate a safe and easy love.

It’s My Birthday

Today is my birthday. I’m 42. I’m going to work. I’m not taking off. I’m not ashamed of growing older. I just keep laughing and wondering where the time went. I used to be afraid of watching the year turn, but no more.

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Growing old is an honor. One that I intend to embrace. I’ve gotten healthier and I’m happier. I went to the doctors a couple of weeks ago and all my labs look great. I had even lost 10 pounds since I last saw him. I still have weight that I want to lose, but I was inspired by the scale since I started reading labels and watching my carbs.

What is my wish? That 2017 be amazing!

That’s it.

I’ve come along way and I have many miles to go. I will keep learning and keep growing. I will keep writing. 42 is just a number and you know what? I’m happy to have made it.

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Motivational Monday Moment – 1/2/2017

Today’s Motivational Monday Moment is patience. I need this and I hope that I’m not alone in my desire to have more patience in 2017. It’s the first Monday of the new year and I wish for me and for you patience.

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I’m not a patient person. I try to rush things. Whether personally or professionally. You would think that having a child, I would learn patience, but I haven’t. I just get impatient when I have to wait.

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When I have to  wait on things I often times will act like a brat. Like the act of waiting is the worst thing in the world to happen to me. I can’t stand to wait. What am I supposed to do while waiting?

Ugh!

Ever felt this way?

I have. I do still. I am asking for more patience in 2017.

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I want us to calmly accept that things are happening that we can’t control and we should just be patient. Patience. We want to patiently wait for things. It’s not our time.

It’s in God’s time. So, what do we do while we wait? We keep it moving. Prayerful knowing that everything will happen in the appropriate time. Be okay if it takes 3 years to buy a house instead of the 18 months you wanted. patience-1

Be okay if you don’t get the money to go back to school. Patiently find alternatives. Refocus and prioritize your goals. Know that you have to be patient because everything in due season.

Have a positive attitude and develop your patience. It’s waiting. Positively. Not stomping your feet like a two year old.

Have you ever had to wait on something? When you finally got it was it better than you ever imagined? Yep, it’s happened to me.

I couldn’t have imagined the blessing that I would have received. I wanted one thing and got something bigger and better. It wasn’t my time to get what I wanted. Whether it be a new car. A relationship or a job. God sent it when he was ready.

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I want more patience in 2017. Patience when waiting. Patience to accept the wait. Patience to know that when I get what I want it was well worth the wait. What about you?

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