Christmas Wish List

Can you believe that the holidays are around the corner? I remember this time last year praying that 2016 be better than 2015 and now we’re almost in 2017. Could it be better? Nope. I am truly blessed. I have so many blessings to be thankful for and I’m just looking forward to the holidays. I love Christmas.

Not for the gifts, but for the reason…Jesus is the reason for the season. I make sure to donate to multiple charities, give unwrapped gifts and participate in holiday sharing. Giving back is essential when you’ve been blessed. I’m setting up the tree, scheduling photos with Santa and planning photos in front of the National Christmas Tree with me, my man and my son. I’m really in the holiday spirit.

Since I am a difficult person to shop for and I don’t like surprises. I know, I know. Blame it on the Capricorn in me, I thought it would be great to give him a list of Christmas wishes. He could choose one, all or nothing and I would be just as happy. However, he’s a man and he may need a hint.

So, here’s my Christmas Wish List:

Amazon Echo Dot – $49.99

echo-dot

Harry Potter 8 Disc Set on Blu-ray – $54.96

harry-potter

Ugg Rain Boots – $64.95

ugg

Ashley Stewart Sweater – $49.50

as-stewart

Fitbit Alta (X-Large) – $84.96

fitbit-alta

Pajamas from Lane Bryant – $59.95

sleepwear

 

Advertisements

Moon

Jazz looked out the window and studied the moon. It was a full moon tonight. She loved full moons. They provided so much light. She loved gazing up at the dark sky just to see this big beautiful circle of love.

Love.

That’s what the moon represented to her.

It represented love.

It was perfect.

Pure.

Magical.

Why couldn’t people love like the moon? Bright and consistent. There was comfort in the moon. She needed to be comforted.

Many nights of loneliness plagued her. She longed for companionship after ending things with Jake. When would she have a chance at love?

She thought Jake was the one. The one man that made her realize that love was possible for her. She was a plus sized woman who never felt sexy.

Until she met Jake. He changed that. He changed her.

Her size wasn’t important. Her hips were something sexy he said often. Her thighs were magnificent he yelled whenever she complained about her chub rub. He said her stomach was gorgeous as he kissed her naked body with the moon serving as their only light when making love.

Jake.

Jake had her believe that anything was possible. He helped her discover her own identity. She would always be thankful for that.

Nothing else though. He destroyed those memories when she caught him with skinny ass Melanie. That tooth picked thin woman that sashayed after him.

He lied though. Don’t most people when they are caught?

When he couldn’t convince her of his lies he actually played the victim. Can you believe it? He was such a loser.

She laughed.

Jake didn’t realize that he awoke a fire in her belly when they were together. The fire was real and strong. It consumed her. She became a warrior.

A warrior woman. Strong. Unstoppable.

Which is why she knew it was time to kick his lying ass to the curb. She grabbed her jacket and threw on those skin tight boyfriend jeggings and a crop top. She glossed her lips and sprayed her perfume. She looked in the mirror and realized that she looked good.

She didn’t need a Jake. She needed freedom. She needed to chase the moon. She sighed and packed up her things. Time to head out. She was going to drive with the moonlight leading her way and Nina Simone singing I Don’t Want Him Anymore.

No looking back now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This post is part of the Daily Prompt. The word today was moon.

Baby Got Tanned

Hey loves!

I just returned from a wonderful weekend in Miami and I got tanned. I’m browner than normal, but loving this sexy colored skin that I put SPF50 on. LOL! I don’t want skin cancer. But, they are always telling me that my Vitamin D is too low. So, here’s to getting that sun on this chocolate skin, thighs and back.

Enjoy the pictures:

Revelation – #Writespiration 86

Hey Loves!

In response to Sascha’ Black’s It’s All In the Title – #Writespiration 86 post, I thought it would be fun to participate in this challenge. The challenge was to choose a title from the list and create a story in less than 200 words. Whew! This was difficult. I have written 197. Ya’ll know I’m long winded right? I did it.  So, let me know what you think.

 

She stood looking at herself in the floor length mirror. Strange. She never thought herself pretty. Just different. Motherhood had changed her body and she didn’t feel the same.  She had become different after the last baby. Rounder and wider. The thick thighs that rubbed together when she walked showed cellulite. Her stomach was oddly shaped from the pregnancy weight gain and the fat pre-baby.

She slowly lifted her arms above her head and began to flap them like a bird. “Yeah” she sighed. “I have wings of fat” she muttered. She stared at her breasts that hung to her stomach. They were no longer perky. Time had changed her body. She murmured “I’m 45. This is what happens right?” She turned away in disappointment.

David walked in the room. “Hey beautiful” he whispered as he wrapped his arms around her. “Babe, do you know after 15 years of marriage and four beautiful children I still find you irresistible?”

She smiled. “You do?”

“Yes” he said as he slowly kissed her neck. “You’re the epitome of beauty. My soul settles in your spirit each day I open my eyes and see you. You amaze me my love.”

If you want to participate in the challenge you have until April 17th to do so. So, get to writing folks!

in-the-title

Three Day Quote Challenge – Day 1

Thank you to Lisa Amaya,  Life of an El Paso Woman, for nominating me for the 3 Day Quote Challenge. I love reading quotes because I look for inspiration in everything. Quotes encourage my spirit and let me know that I can run on.

Here is my quote for today:

257-Health-and-Wealth-Quotes

 

Each day I will nominate three different bloggers to participate in the challenge. I nominate the following three for today:

A Perfectly Flawed Ruby

MidiMike

Riddle from the Middle

Three Things I Want You to Know – 11/14

Yesterday, I sent HIM an email entitled “Three Things I Want You to Know”. He replied that I always make him smile and that I’m funny.  LOL! Well, it got me to thinking that I wanted to share with you three things each Saturday that I wanted you to know. It could be anything about my life, week or current events. I just wanted you to know in case I missed talking about it or I forgot. Which tends to happen because I’m superwoman and I can’t possibly manage to remember 5 billion things. But, I try.

So, here’s the three things that I want you to know:

  • He and I are working out together and can I tell you that I actually enjoy it? I have room in my skinny jeans, increased endurance and an overall happier mentality. Our workouts are so great because I have a partner who wants to work out and doesn’t chastise me if I want a slice of pizza. LOL! (Which I haven’t had a few weeks). But, I noticed that my skinny jeans have a lot of room and I could definitely go down a size, but I’m too self-conscious about my butt to do so. But, working out is good.

zuzana-light-zwow-workout-plank-workout-fitness-highlights-500x316

  • I have stalkers. Not literally. But those stalkers who watch my life, read my stuff and never say a word and then watch me on Facebook too. Have you ever had that? LOL! It’s both exciting and scary. Exciting because people are actually taking the time to read my stuff but scary because you won’t admit it? Weird, but I’m good! (Must be all those extra endorphins from working out).

c364d9c1ed96d1674b5aa13157666ce9

  • I’m putting together my naughty and nice list for Santa. Can you guess what I’ve been this year? LOL!

SantasList1

 

Have a great weekend!

Who Knew

That I would like to work out with him. That I would enjoy working out with a man trying to live just a little bit healthier like me. What are your fitness goals? Are you trying to lose a lot of weight? Nope. Just trying to be healthier. I don’t want to be on medications.

I changed into my workout clothes and switched my hips when I walked in front of him, so he could get a good look at my bum! Yep, I was flirting. But, I was serious about the workout. I was sweating with my make-up running, but I was still looking cute. My hairstyle was holding up. I listened to Fetty Wap Radio on Pandora while we worked out. He listened to love songs. He smiled. I smiled. He has a nice smile.

He is an introvert. He is a parent of one. Has had similar experiences. He’s smart. He’s funny. He gets my satirical sense of humor. He likes my witty personality. He likes my desire to be a happier and healthier version of me. Who knew working out could be a fun date? Maybe we should do this again?

 

Photo Credit: Black Hair Magazine
Photo Credit: Black Hair Magazine

Recognizing the Difference

com·mit·ment
kəˈmitmənt/
noun
1.  the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc.”the company’s commitment to quality
2. an engagement or obligation that restricts freedom of action “business commitments”

I saw this post on one of the many blogs I subscribe too. Not sure where it came from, but I am sure of the feeling it invoked in me…

when-youre-committed-to-something-you-accept-no-excuses-only-results

Accountability.

Accountability for my actions. For my part in everything that I do. I needed to own it. I needed to examine whether I was being interested or committed.

I recently shared my health journey with you and my desire to live a healthier lifestyle. Well, let me tell you the struggle is real. Some days are harder than others. I don’t do a food journal because I hate writing about what I eat and many times I can’t remember. Someone suggested that I take a photo and log it later.

Good idea. I will remember to do that. I hate working out. I do it because I want to be healthier, but do you know how hard it is trying to find work out videos to do at home with a 7-year-old? Ugh.

I hate it.

I did this video last week:

I’m working on this one for this week:

I’m trying to mix it up. I don’t want my body getting used to it. I’ve been eating healthier, cooking more at home and crunching on cucumbers, carrots and grapes. I feel like I’m a rabbit. Slow and steady. “Try to enjoy it” the voice whispers in my head.

I am not enjoying it! I’m not supposed to right? I’m supposed to keep at it. Keep up the work. More energy out and fewer calories in. Keep pushing forward. Don’t watch the scale. Don’t drink that beautiful glass of Riesling. No don’t touch that beautiful cigar that was rolled to perfection. Don’t worry, your hips will love you later.

It’s a lot of pressure. I’m just existing. I’m not committed. I’m going through the motions. I need to change my attitude. I need to be committed to lead a healthier lifestyle. It starts with me. I’ve got to change my perception and outlook. I’ve got to be better. It starts with me.

Can I be committed?

aeb29c2cd167260d336e5fce172b14e6

The Fat Tales: Just Move Already

Okay, so as you know from my The Fat Tales: A Dose of Reality post last week that I’ve accepted the fact that I’m fat and need to move. Be active. Get back on track and make healthier choices because I don’t want to live a life hooked on medications or machines.

I’ve decided to update you with things that I’m learning on this journey in a segment that I’m calling “The Fat Tales” as a reminder that I have not been treating my body right. I am in no way, shape or form advocating against my curvy sisters. Nope. Not going to do it. I’m a curvy girl. BUT, being curvy doesn’t mean being unhealthy. I had to realize that.

It’s time that I’m held accountable for what I’m doing and not doing. I’m putting it out here because I need you to know that I’m holding myself accountable and just not wallowing in depression over my waist size. I’m going to move and make healthier choices.  Disclaimer: I’m still sexy. Got it!

This last week has proven to be both good and challenging for me. I went back to the gym, which was hard. It killed me. I hated it. I wanted to stop eating so I wouldn’t have to work out. I drank a lot more water. I’m running to the bathroom like every 5 minutes. I got a crook in my neck and experienced shooting pain down my sciatic nerve that kept me up.

But, I didn’t give up. Even though I wanted to and told myself that dialysis may not be so bad. Heck, what’s wrong with medications I can still eat what I want. (I’m just kidding). I slapped myself with a dose of reality when I looked into my munch’s big brown eyes.

Moving on…

I also signed up for this program called “Rally” with my medical provider, UnitedHealthcare Inc (UHC). My wellness specialist at my job was really inspired by my attitude to own my weight gain and more importantly to do something about it. I told her that I refuse to be hooked up to machines at 40 when I’m just getting my sexy back. She smiled and gave me all kinds of healthy stuff to read, plan meals and suggested that I sign up for Rally because I have UHC.  I did and I have to tell you that it is pretty cool.

Rally is an interactive experience that makes managing your health easy and fun. It gives you a dashboard with a health survey, missions, rewards and connections to cool things to get you moving and to motivate you to eat healthier. Nope, they are not paying me, but I wish right? But, I really enjoyed the survey and I almost died when it told me my “Rally Age”. See the screenshots below.

I’m 9 years over my actual age in Rally Age terms.

 

They recommend missions to help motivate you to move.
They recommend missions to help motivate you to move. I don’t smoke cigarettes, but I love an occasional cigar. But, maybe I shouldn’t?

 

They have challenges that you can join to earn points to enter a sweepstakes for a reward. I did this one last week.
They have challenges that you can join to earn points to enter a sweepstakes for a reward. I did the DC Dash last week.

 

They have communities where they share information to help you make better choices. I love it. Joined some too.
They have communities where they share information to help you make better choices. I love it. Joined some too.

 

So, I’ve gone back to the gym, became an advocate for my own health, signed up for Rally, changed some of my dietary needs (small steps. I LOVE BREAD) and started to keep a food journal and monitor my portion control. I am owning my choices and decisions to lead a healthier life. I will never be a size 6, but I will be the healthiest person that I can be at any size.

 

 

The Fat Tales: A Dose of Reality

I’m fat.

Yep, I said it. I’m not going to sit here and lie and say that I didn’t know that I was overweight. I did. I know every time I get on the scale. I know by the flabby wings under my arms. I know by the midsection that was substantially smaller before I had munch. However, that was 7 years ago. Can I really still claim him as being the reason for having a fluffy cloud for a belly? Nope.

I came head to head with the truth last Friday while sitting at the doctor’s office. I had completed a sleep study the first week in September and went to hear the results. The result was…a mild case of sleep apnea. I was unmoved. What does a mild case mean?

Well, according to my doctor during deep REM stages (3) my oxygen dropped to 85%. So, I didn’t stop breathing? There was a reduction in my oxygen levels? Yep.

OSA_diagram

He began to explain what sleep apnea was:

Sleep apnea affects the way you breathe when you’re sleeping. Your breathing is briefly interrupted or becomes very shallow during sleep. My mild case of sleep apnea reduced my oxygen level in my blood 3 times during my entire sleep to 85% each time.

Anatomy of a sleep apnea episode

As airflow stops during a sleep apnea episode, the oxygen level in your blood drops. Your brain responds by briefly disturbing your sleep enough to kick start breathing—which often resumes with a gasp or a choking sound. If you have obstructive sleep apnea, you probably won’t remember these awakenings. Most of the time, you’ll stir just enough to tighten your throat muscles and open your windpipe. In central sleep apnea, you may be conscious of your awakenings.

http://www.helpguide.org/articles/sleep/sleep-apnea.htm#causes

Now, that you know what it is you know what this man recommended? A Continuous Positive Airflow Pressure (CPAP) machine.  A CPAP machine for a mild case of sleep apnea that I will only need to use for the next 6 to 8 months. I was stunned silent. He told me that there were two treatment options: 1. a CPAP or 2. a mouth piece. He recommends a CPAP. I was stunned silent.

4-650x433

He asked, “Are you okay?” I replied, “Not the news that I was hoping for.” He said, “I understand, but it is a good thing that we caught it early.” I left depressed, disgusted and defeated. I had my coming to Jesus moment and realized that I needed to get my fat butt back in the gym. I had to get my weight down if I still planned to be around.

I spent most of the weekend discussing my medical history and options with my friends and co-workers and saying that I really didn’t want a CPAP machine to use for the next 6 to 8 months. I told them that for a mild case I would like to try the mouth piece and lose weight.

They encouraged my decision. I started to research what the treatment recommendations were for a mild case of sleep apnea and discovered that the Mayo Clinic said:

For milder cases of sleep apnea, your doctor may recommend only lifestyle changes, such as losing weight or quitting smoking. And if you have nasal allergies, your doctor will recommend treatment for your allergies. If these measures don’t improve your signs and symptoms or if your apnea is moderate to severe, a number of other treatments are available.

Certain devices can help open up a blocked airway.

Yep, all signs were pointing to me losing weight (I don’t smoke).  I mean seriously lose weight this time. I had been slacking off with the gym. However, I did increase my awareness on carbs and sugars and reduced both. That has resulted in a weight loss of 8 pounds from my physical last month to my appointment last Friday. Yep, I saw some light at the end of this dreary tunnel.

What did I do? I got my fat butt to the gym. I’ve worked out every day. It sucks. It hurts and I have drank more water than I thought my body could consume, but I will not live hooked up to a machine at night. I am the captain of my fate and I can determine to put down the unhealthy food and just move. Get moving and get serious about my health.

What happened next? I emailed the doctor. I told him:

Hi Dr. M,

I hope that this email finds you well. I spent most of the weekend thinking over what you told me about the results of my sleep study and that you are recommending a CPAP machine and only needing that machine for the next 6 or 8 months and the benefits of it, but I have to tell you that I don’t want it.

I would rather try to partner with you to be an advocate of my health and not be tied up to machines. I would like to try the mouth piece first and review in 6 months. My goal is to reduce my weight by 40 pounds in hopes that it along with the mouth piece will show a change from my prior test. That being said, let’s try the mouth piece first and repeat the tests to determine if my mild sleep apnea needs a CPAP.

thanks,
TT

I decided that I wanted to partner with my provider to lead a healthier lifestyle and not just commit to medications or machines. Let’s work together to get me on track. Give me a timetable. Give me a goal. Retest me. If nothing changes, then let’s talk next steps. I don’t want to take drastic measures for a mild case of anything unless it’s to reduce my caloric intake for a healthier life.

So, I’m back on track. I’m motivated by the fact that I don’t want machines or medicine. I’m motivated by the fact that I have a 7 year old that is counting on me to grow up and dance with him at his wedding. I’m counting on the fact that my fat butt needs to move!

norbit5-hi