Moon

Jazz looked out the window and studied the moon. It was a full moon tonight. She loved full moons. They provided so much light. She loved gazing up at the dark sky just to see this big beautiful circle of love.

Love.

That’s what the moon represented to her.

It represented love.

It was perfect.

Pure.

Magical.

Why couldn’t people love like the moon? Bright and consistent. There was comfort in the moon. She needed to be comforted.

Many nights of loneliness plagued her. She longed for companionship after ending things with Jake. When would she have a chance at love?

She thought Jake was the one. The one man that made her realize that love was possible for her. She was a plus sized woman who never felt sexy.

Until she met Jake. He changed that. He changed her.

Her size wasn’t important. Her hips were something sexy he said often. Her thighs were magnificent he yelled whenever she complained about her chub rub. He said her stomach was gorgeous as he kissed her naked body with the moon serving as their only light when making love.

Jake.

Jake had her believe that anything was possible. He helped her discover her own identity. She would always be thankful for that.

Nothing else though. He destroyed those memories when she caught him with skinny ass Melanie. That tooth picked thin woman that sashayed after him.

He lied though. Don’t most people when they are caught?

When he couldn’t convince her of his lies he actually played the victim. Can you believe it? He was such a loser.

She laughed.

Jake didn’t realize that he awoke a fire in her belly when they were together. The fire was real and strong. It consumed her. She became a warrior.

A warrior woman. Strong. Unstoppable.

Which is why she knew it was time to kick his lying ass to the curb. She grabbed her jacket and threw on those skin tight boyfriend jeggings and a crop top. She glossed her lips and sprayed her perfume. She looked in the mirror and realized that she looked good.

She didn’t need a Jake. She needed freedom. She needed to chase the moon. She sighed and packed up her things. Time to head out. She was going to drive with the moonlight leading her way and Nina Simone singing I Don’t Want Him Anymore.

No looking back now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This post is part of the Daily Prompt. The word today was moon.

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Baby Got Tanned

Hey loves!

I just returned from a wonderful weekend in Miami and I got tanned. I’m browner than normal, but loving this sexy colored skin that I put SPF50 on. LOL! I don’t want skin cancer. But, they are always telling me that my Vitamin D is too low. So, here’s to getting that sun on this chocolate skin, thighs and back.

Enjoy the pictures:

The Fat Tales: Just Move Already

Okay, so as you know from my The Fat Tales: A Dose of Reality post last week that I’ve accepted the fact that I’m fat and need to move. Be active. Get back on track and make healthier choices because I don’t want to live a life hooked on medications or machines.

I’ve decided to update you with things that I’m learning on this journey in a segment that I’m calling “The Fat Tales” as a reminder that I have not been treating my body right. I am in no way, shape or form advocating against my curvy sisters. Nope. Not going to do it. I’m a curvy girl. BUT, being curvy doesn’t mean being unhealthy. I had to realize that.

It’s time that I’m held accountable for what I’m doing and not doing. I’m putting it out here because I need you to know that I’m holding myself accountable and just not wallowing in depression over my waist size. I’m going to move and make healthier choices.  Disclaimer: I’m still sexy. Got it!

This last week has proven to be both good and challenging for me. I went back to the gym, which was hard. It killed me. I hated it. I wanted to stop eating so I wouldn’t have to work out. I drank a lot more water. I’m running to the bathroom like every 5 minutes. I got a crook in my neck and experienced shooting pain down my sciatic nerve that kept me up.

But, I didn’t give up. Even though I wanted to and told myself that dialysis may not be so bad. Heck, what’s wrong with medications I can still eat what I want. (I’m just kidding). I slapped myself with a dose of reality when I looked into my munch’s big brown eyes.

Moving on…

I also signed up for this program called “Rally” with my medical provider, UnitedHealthcare Inc (UHC). My wellness specialist at my job was really inspired by my attitude to own my weight gain and more importantly to do something about it. I told her that I refuse to be hooked up to machines at 40 when I’m just getting my sexy back. She smiled and gave me all kinds of healthy stuff to read, plan meals and suggested that I sign up for Rally because I have UHC.  I did and I have to tell you that it is pretty cool.

Rally is an interactive experience that makes managing your health easy and fun. It gives you a dashboard with a health survey, missions, rewards and connections to cool things to get you moving and to motivate you to eat healthier. Nope, they are not paying me, but I wish right? But, I really enjoyed the survey and I almost died when it told me my “Rally Age”. See the screenshots below.

I’m 9 years over my actual age in Rally Age terms.

 

They recommend missions to help motivate you to move.
They recommend missions to help motivate you to move. I don’t smoke cigarettes, but I love an occasional cigar. But, maybe I shouldn’t?

 

They have challenges that you can join to earn points to enter a sweepstakes for a reward. I did this one last week.
They have challenges that you can join to earn points to enter a sweepstakes for a reward. I did the DC Dash last week.

 

They have communities where they share information to help you make better choices. I love it. Joined some too.
They have communities where they share information to help you make better choices. I love it. Joined some too.

 

So, I’ve gone back to the gym, became an advocate for my own health, signed up for Rally, changed some of my dietary needs (small steps. I LOVE BREAD) and started to keep a food journal and monitor my portion control. I am owning my choices and decisions to lead a healthier life. I will never be a size 6, but I will be the healthiest person that I can be at any size.

 

 

Curvy Girl Shopping

Okay so this year one of the things that I’m trying to do is show you me. All of me. Be more transparent in my writing. I think I’m pretty transparent, but there are some things that I still hold back on. One of the things is simply…me.

I don’t like putting my body out in cyberspace. Not that I’m embarrassed. No, I just don’t want the attention. Good or bad, I’m really private like that. Well, in my published piece last year I talked about owning my attitude about how I feel and look and being comfortable in my skin. I wanted to stop hiding and start loving.

Yeah, I love me. However, not on cyberspace. I am withdrawn and shy. As I started approaching 40, my best friend encouraged me to buy some new jeans. She said, “You’re losing weight and all your jeans hang off your waist and it’s not flattering.” I was shocked. One that she noticed my weight loss and two that it was bothering someone. I know it may seem small to some of you, but a curvy girl hates to be told she looks drab. Especially by someone you love and admire.

So, with that piece of advice, I bought my first pair of skinny jeans. Yep, at 40. It was hard ya’ll. I hated drawing attention to my waist and backside. But, I had to admit that it did flatter my shape in a positive way. Great advice bestie!

This weekend I accompanied my bestie shopping because she is going out-of-town and needed some cute clothes. Let me tell you that my bestie is a curvy girl too and if she does shop, she needs to try on clothes in the store. I’ve not tried on clothes in a store in years because I hate undressing in public spaces. I always wonder if they are secretly recording you. LOL!

So, I decided it would be a good idea to get another pair of skinny jeans and try on some clothes for moral support. Now, I’ve been losing weight and I find that I’m in between sizes. I hate that. I was originally in a size 26 jean and now I’m in a size 20 because a 22 is too big. I can’t believe I shared that, but I am owning my size and loving the skin that I’m in.

Now, back to the clothes. Ashley Stewart had their spring collection out and I was loving it. I was gravitating towards the bright colors because I could use some enhancements in the color department for my wardrobe.  Why? Because, I tend to gravitate towards darker colors. I found this beautiful fuchsia peplum trench jacket because a girl can never have too much pink in her wardrobe and this green trench with gold detail.

I’ve never been a fan of green, but let me tell you that I loved it. I loved the fit, the cut and the color was so eye-popping sexy that I had to buy it. I didn’t really try on any clothes outside of a pair of jeans and a lightweight sweater. I told you that I hated trying on clothes. But, I wanted to share the photos with you.

Let me know what you think.

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Fat and Happy

During my daily scroll on the Huffington Post last week, I spotted an interesting article entitled “If You Cannot Love Me Fat Then Don’t Love Me At All” and was instantly intrigued. Why? The title alone screams “Read Me Now”. In a day and age where we are all looking for someone to love or stay in love I wanted to see what the author had to say about loving a fat person.

It’s a great read because the author, Tony Posnanski, is telling his struggles with weight loss and meeting and finding his wife who loved and accepted him from day one as a big guy. He went from 220 pounds when they first met to gaining 75 pounds in the first two months of dating. His weight was up and down and what remained consistent was the fact that his wife loved him just as he was.

Don’t we all wish that someone would love us just the way we are? No trying to change me, just pure acceptance? As a curvy girl myself, I’m not arguing that his weight being up and down is a good thing. We all know the numerous health risks associated with obesity. He doesn’t discuss his issues with weight loss. He just wanted you to know that…If you can’t love me as I am, then don’t love me at all.

 

Girl Using A Tape Measure Checking Her Waistline

 

While some of you may think that it is quite obvious that’s what everyone wants, I would like to let you know that is not the case with curvy folks or specifically curvy girls. As a curvy girl, I’ve had men who wanted to help me get slim or question my workout routine or eating habits. What? Really?

It’s crazy. I don’t diet. I make healthier food choices, drink more water, get plenty of rest and exercise regularly. I want to live for my son. I want to be healthy for him. Not skinny. Healthy. I’m 40 and I have no health problems (knocks on wood). I want to keep it that way.

I want someone that loves me the way that I am knowing that my weight may fluctuate. In my younger days, I was fortunate to date some really great guys who loved me the way I was. One such guy, was Brian. He said that he loved me the way I was and that as long as I didn’t get bigger than him then he would never say a word. I inquired, “What if I do get bigger than you then what?” He looked at me and said, “Then I would say, baby we need to hit the gym. We’re putting on the pounds.” I smiled. I liked that answer. “We”.

There is nothing wrong with being accepted just the way you are today. It may not be pounds like me, but don’t you want acceptance by someone you love? It could be a physical or mental disability, but love should and hopefully would conqueror all.

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Under Construction

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I recently read this great piece on Huffington Post entitled “My Stretch Marks Don’t Define Me” and I screamed “Yes”. I love the article. Mainly because the author was talking about how she loves and accepts her stretch marks and they don’t define the sum of who she is.

In the beginning, I felt that my body was still under construction. You know trying to lose the baby weight, get sleep, eat right and get back down to my pre-pregnancy size or smaller. Well that didn’t happen and six years later it is still under construction.

I lost weight my entire pregnancy and in the end I gained 15 pounds before they removed munch for medical reasons. I was sick. So, that cute mommy whose baby was eating off her fat cells the entire time she was pregnant was excited that I could actually eat normal again after delivery. However, no one told me that the pregnancy weight would redistribute. I had pockets of fat in other places.

Too weak to exercise and too tired to care about being smaller for the first 4 years of his life had me accepting my bigger figure. But, I wanted to be healthier. Make healthier choices with food. Be alive for him. I have no health issues and I wanted to keep it that way.

I made many life changes this last year and the weight and inches are coming off. My body is still under construction, but I’m not embarrassed by the imperfections. I don’t want surgery to fix the reminder of my struggle to conceive. I accept it and will work at being healthy in my own way. Naturally.

My stretch marks show the path to parenthood running from my stomach to the top of my (umm, let’s say Olivia Pope). They show the price I paid to be a parent. The white weirdly shaped lines show that I fed my son in my womb. They mark the immense pressure my body was under when I was pregnant. They remind me of the painful bursts of pain I experienced when my son sat on my sciatic nerve. They are beautiful and I love them. I accept them.

Many things about my body changed when I had a baby, but I don’t care. The only thing I’ve ever hoped for was bigger breasts and a smaller nose, but unfortunately that didn’t happen. Wasn’t in the plans. My breasts grew big enough to nourish my son and then sadly went back down to their original size after nursing was done. But, even that doesn’t matter.

Why? Because I love my body just the way it is. Yep, I’m working out (not to be skinny) to be healthy, but my stretch marks won’t disappear. My breasts won’t grow (without surgery), my stomach will always bulge (unless I do liposuction), my thighs will still have cellulite and my incision will still be seen because of my C-section.

This body is and has been under construction for the last six years and it’s okay. Because you know what? I will still accept that I’m perfect just the way I am.

By Faith on Soar

My latest short story was published on one of my favorite websites. I originally wrote it to end the way I wrote it, but the response to write a second part has been overwhelming. I am extremely happy that people like it and they want to know what happens next. Please read it and give me your feedback.

It’s called By Faith and you can check it out here

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