Happy Monday! Wow! It’s the first Monday in October. Time has really flown. This year is almost over. We’ve entered the fourth quarter. The decade is almost over. We have made it.
I am pretty thankful that we did make it. Life is about living the best life you can imagine and just truly being thankful for it all. Did you give thanks today?
In my motivational Monday Moment, I wanted to talk to you about having the difficult conversations and how it is important to do so. I’m one of those souls that will cut you off and move on. I dreaded difficult conversations and I would just try to bury the pain through avoidance. Did it work? Sometimes. I mean I can ignore the heck out of some people.
But, that’s not really helping me. I’m grown. I would at least like to think that I’m working this adulting thing and adults have difficult conversations with each other all the time. No matter what right? Many do. Honestly, I wasn’t one of them. But, I’m growing. I’m learning.
I’m learning that we can’t avoid the folks that have angered us and we should be allowed to get what we need to say out to them in order to truly move on. It makes sense right? Having difficult conversations are a part of life. I have had them with my employees. I surely can have them with people that are or were my friends and my family.
Here’s a difficult conversation that I had to have… A guy that I tried dating earlier this year and I realized we couldn’t work in a relationship. I thought he was crazy and I’m sure that he thought I was crazy. You know two crazy people don’t work right? We didn’t work but we liked and valued each other enough to try to have a friendship since romance was off the table. We would hang out, smoke cigars and go out to eat. Discuss our relationships or lack there of and encourage each other professionally. He’s attractive. There was flirting and even though we didn’t and/or couldn’t be in a relationship we still thought the other attractive.
I thought we were friends. I valued his friendships because he actually gave great advice at times. I was really going through something in July and August and he encouraged my soul and helped me through that situation by just being a listening ear. I was thankful for that advice and that friendship. But, here’s where things get weird.
See, I’m thinking we’re friends and friends tell each other stuff right? Well, he didn’t tell me some things that I thought friends would share. Specifically, that he had a whole relationship with someone else and was getting married. He said he’s dating. Okay. I accept that. I’m dating too. However, I don’t date other people’s man. If you’re in a relationship, I’m not interested. I trusted him to be honest with me. I’m not threat. I’m just a friend.
He then springs on me that he’s engaged. After asking me out to the cigar bar. Seriously? I was wondering why in all hell would you think that it is okay with me to go out with someone else’s fiance? I mean dang I didn’t even know she existed and now you want to hang out with me? I’m good love.
I felt some kind of way. I told you in my post It’s a Culling Season Folks that my friend did a similar thing to me earlier this year. He got married and never said a word and when I saw the photos on-line I liked the pictures but I was genuinely hurt that my friend couldn’t tell me that he had found love.
We never got to talk. He never got to hear how angry I was that I thought we were friends and he made me feel like we weren’t. He didn’t know. I cut him off. He even sent a text in early March saying: “I’m sorry and I’ll explain later.” Whatever. I had to let it go and him. A 35 year friendship.
But, with this guy I needed to at least let him know that I felt like he wasn’t forthcoming about his relationship status. I mean how do you go from dating to engagement without a relationship being there? He text me last night when I was asleep asking could we meet up at the cigar bar. I responded “No, I’ll pass.” I explained how I felt that he wasn’t forthcoming and that I wished him well on his engagement and future marriage but I wasn’t into hanging out with another woman’s man.
He tried to tell me that I used him and that he told me about her. Blah Blah Blah. He didn’t. We’re done. We can’t be friends and although I’m sad about our friendship I realize that I don’t have time for fake friends and that I needed to tell him how I felt. If only to let him know that I thought we had a genuine friendship but friends share their good news (like finding love). I just felt like he was trying to keep me as an option in case his relationship didn’t work out. No bueno.
I say all this to say that life is what you make it. You have to be able to have good character and difficult conversations with people. I get it…it’s easier to just cut them off and in some situations that may work, but you have to know that if there is a friendship don’t just let it go without trying to clear the air. Let it be known. No hard feelings. No ill will and no anger. Friendships can sometimes end and that’s okay because life is like a book and they were only one page or chapter. You still have much more to go.
I want to here from you…
Have you ever had to cut off a friend? Did you tell them? Did you just move on?