So much of my life is about trying to balance the things I have to do with the things that I want to do that it feels like I can’t handle it when something unexpected gets thrown in my lap. I just try to breathe. To take it all in and adjust.
As was the case this week when I received a Facebook messenger from my uncle asking me to call him. I called him. He told me that my dad was hospitalized in a hospital about an hour a way from where he lived. He said that he had shortness of breath and possibly another heart attack. I believe that would be #4.
“Okay” I replied. I was shocked. I was sitting here thinking how I couldn’t handle this right now? I have so much going on. I started thinking about all the things that I have going on. I made a list…
- I just got my car out of the body shop and I have to schedule maintenance.
- Munch has a book report and oral presentation we’re working on. I have to make sure that he’s prepared.
- I’m emailing the principal back and forth on missing assignments for Munch who’s English teacher has just left after 3 months. I have to stay on top of them.
- I have to work with the PTSA president to find out what’s going on with the coat drive that we want to do.
- I have to book Munch’s birthday party. He wants a skating party. A Batman skating party.
- I have to hire a new employee. Write the job description again because the last one was too general. I have to source a new applicant pool since my last hire decided to accept another opportunity.
- Munch has a fundraising program for the American Heart Association that he wants to do. I have to send emails to family and friends.
- I have to edit my girlfriend’s book.
- I have to write a book review for my friend’s sister.
- I have to catch up on reading books.
- I have to edit and submit my short story.
- I have to figure out what I’m doing for Mr. C for Valentine’s Day.
- I have to figure out vacation plans.
- I have to pay for my conference in March.
- I have to schedule date nights on me and Mr. C’s calendar.
- I have to do dinner with former co-workers.
- I have to figure out how to reduce my time out of the office and get my own health back on track. Doctor’s appointments, ugh!
- Munch has requested that I schedule play dates with a couple of friends. I have to find some dates in my already packed schedule.
- I have to figure out a day that we can go to the new African American museum since we didn’t go on election day.
- I have to go to the store to pick up a new sketch pad for Munch, calendar for me and some groceries.
- I have to…
I have to breathe.
I wasn’t expecting this. His family called asking about a living will that I supposedly had. What? I don’t have a living will. What are his wishes? He told me when I saw him for Labor Day that he was tired. Tired of living and was ready to die. Is he conscious. Can he make decisions on his own?
The hospital staff have been very nice with keeping me abreast of all that is occurring. The night nurse called me to tell me that she’s off the next day but wanted to let me know all the things that she was going to tell the social worker that my dad needed. I will help him. “Thank you” I said.
I have to breathe. I have to find time to carve out the things that I need to get done without feeling overwhelmed. I have to just do it. I decided that I can’t go to the conference because I can’t afford it. I need to go home and see my daddy. I have to get maintenance done to my car. I need to take it day by day with what I can do. I need to do only that which I can and not worry about the rest.
I’m exhausted. It seems overwhelming. I have a lot on my plate. I’m a single parent, but I’m not alone. I just have to keep reminding myself of this very fact.
I have to breathe and keep it moving. There is so much going on. There is so much I have to do. I just have to break it up.
So, I did. I started taking it in pieces. I’ve scheduled a play date for Munch in the next couple of weeks. I’ve booked his birthday party. I spoke to my ex-husband who agreed to switch the schedule so I could go home and visit my dad. I’ve booked my flight home to Tennessee. I am trying to schedule a weekend getaway with Mr. C and our kids for March and figuring out the rest as I go along.