So Much

So much of my life is about trying to balance the things I have to do with the things that I want to do that it feels like I can’t  handle it when  something unexpected gets thrown in my lap. I just try to breathe. To take it all in and adjust.

As was the case this week when I received a Facebook messenger from my uncle asking me to call him. I called him. He told me that my dad was hospitalized in a hospital about an hour a way from where he lived. He said that he had shortness of breath and possibly another heart attack. I believe that would be #4.

“Okay” I replied. I was shocked. I was sitting here thinking how I couldn’t handle this right now? I have so much going on. I started thinking about all the things that I have going on. I made a list…

  • I just got my car out of the body shop and I have to schedule maintenance.
  • Munch has a book report and oral presentation we’re working on. I have to make sure that he’s prepared.
  • I’m emailing the principal back and forth on missing assignments for Munch who’s English teacher has just left after 3 months. I have to stay on top of them.
  • I have to work with the PTSA president to find out what’s going on with the coat drive that we want to do.
  • I have to book Munch’s birthday party. He wants a skating party. A Batman skating party.
  • I  have to hire a new employee. Write the job description again because the last one was too general. I have to source a new applicant pool since my last hire decided to accept another opportunity.
  • Munch has a fundraising program for the American Heart Association that he wants to do. I have to send emails to family and friends.
  • I have to edit my girlfriend’s book.
  • I have to write a book review for my friend’s sister.
  • I have to catch up on reading books.
  • I have to edit and submit my short story.
  • I have to figure out what I’m doing for Mr. C for Valentine’s Day.
  • I have to figure out vacation plans.
  • I have to pay for my conference in March.
  • I have to schedule date nights on me and Mr. C’s calendar.
  • I have to do dinner with former co-workers.
  • I have to figure out how to reduce my time out of the office and get my own health back on track. Doctor’s appointments, ugh!
  • Munch has requested that I schedule play dates with a couple of friends. I have to find some dates in my already packed schedule.
  • I have to figure out a day that we can go to the new African American museum since we didn’t go on election day.
  • I have to go to the store to pick up a new sketch pad for Munch, calendar for me and some groceries.
  • I have to…

Breathe.

I have to breathe.

I wasn’t expecting this. His family called asking about a living will that I supposedly had. What? I don’t have a living will. What are his wishes? He told me when I saw him for Labor Day that he was tired. Tired of living and was ready to die. Is he conscious. Can he make decisions on his own?

The hospital staff have been very nice with keeping me abreast of all that is occurring. The night nurse called me to tell me that she’s off the next day but wanted to let me know all the things that she was going to tell the social worker that my dad needed. I will help him. “Thank you” I said.

I have to breathe. I have to find time to carve out the things that I need to get done without feeling overwhelmed. I have to just do it. I decided that I can’t go to the conference because I can’t afford it. I need to go home and see my daddy. I have to get maintenance done to my car. I need to take it day by day with what I can do. I need to do only that which I can and not worry about the rest.

I’m exhausted. It seems overwhelming. I have a lot on my plate. I’m a single parent, but I’m not alone. I just have to keep reminding myself of this very fact.

I have to breathe and keep it moving. There is so much going on. There is so much I have to do. I just have to break it up.

So, I did. I started taking it in pieces. I’ve scheduled a play date for Munch in the next couple of weeks. I’ve booked his birthday party. I spoke to my ex-husband who agreed to switch the schedule so I could go home and visit my dad. I’ve booked my flight home to Tennessee. I am trying to schedule a weekend getaway with Mr. C and our kids for March and figuring out the rest as I go along.

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30 thoughts on “So Much

  1. It was very difficult in the months leading up to my moms passing to get caught up and not successfully prioritize my immediate family’s needs. My kids basically. Me too but that goes without saying. But youre right. One thing on the list. Then another. And so on. Day by day. Ill be thinking about u and your dad. 😶

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Damn! That’s a lot of things to do. Yes, you just need to keep breathing and do a little bit at a time. Your health and son come first. I’m sorry about your dad. Don’t worry, it will be alright, it always is eventually. ☺

    Liked by 2 people

  3. We are only capable of so much, but I always remind myself that you can only eat an elephant one bite at a time.

    I hope everything goes okay and you and your loved ones can get through this….
    ….however, you seem pretty strong, so I have little doubt.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Just breathe, mama. You are strong and capable. And it sounds like you have some fabulous support around you. I know as a single parent you can feel like you have to do all and be all, but life truly WILL wait for you to catch back up to it. It’s great that you are able to take time to see him. Thinking of you and yours.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. BREATHE…. is correct. Many of us tend to have a lot on our plate. That “OVERWHELMING” feeling we feel is usually the manifestation of the stress we put on ourselves to get ALL of these things done NOW!…..AND HOW? Once we take a moment to breathe….and prioritize things, we begin to calm down…some. You know me….I often feel the same overwhelming feeling. I tend to overthink things and consume myself with how I will manage to get it all done with seemingly no means. GOD always works it out. I will pray for you and your dad. You know I’m always here.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Sending breath. Sending prayers, breath, and windows of time. Sending clarity. Sending hugs and courage. I’m sorry first and foremost… and I’m sending you a little reminder: you are so amazing. This is one of those “you feel like you have to do it all” lists. Try to delegate something. Two things. Is that possible. Can Mr. C get that birthday party booked for you? Matter of fact, can he take that date planning? Valentines day: you going out or staying in? If you are staying in, I can hook you up with a killer menu!

    You CAN do it all, but you don’t have to.

    Don’t forget to breathe. Don’t forget to eat. Don’t forget to sleep.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aww, thank you so much sis. I am staying in so please send the menu. I told him that I don’t ever eat out on the actual day because of the mark-ups or overcrowded restaurants. Last year we were in NYC for a concert so we just grabbed street food while we were out sightseeing and I wasn’t hungry later so it worked well. I’m still getting my rest and I’m going to therapy tonight to talk to my therapist but I’m just trying to remember to breathe. You’re right. Rome wasn’t built in a day and I can only do what I can do.

      Like

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