Recognizing the Difference

com·mit·ment
kəˈmitmənt/
noun
1.  the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc.”the company’s commitment to quality
2. an engagement or obligation that restricts freedom of action “business commitments”

I saw this post on one of the many blogs I subscribe too. Not sure where it came from, but I am sure of the feeling it invoked in me…

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Accountability.

Accountability for my actions. For my part in everything that I do. I needed to own it. I needed to examine whether I was being interested or committed.

I recently shared my health journey with you and my desire to live a healthier lifestyle. Well, let me tell you the struggle is real. Some days are harder than others. I don’t do a food journal because I hate writing about what I eat and many times I can’t remember. Someone suggested that I take a photo and log it later.

Good idea. I will remember to do that. I hate working out. I do it because I want to be healthier, but do you know how hard it is trying to find work out videos to do at home with a 7-year-old? Ugh.

I hate it.

I did this video last week:

I’m working on this one for this week:

I’m trying to mix it up. I don’t want my body getting used to it. I’ve been eating healthier, cooking more at home and crunching on cucumbers, carrots and grapes. I feel like I’m a rabbit. Slow and steady. “Try to enjoy it” the voice whispers in my head.

I am not enjoying it! I’m not supposed to right? I’m supposed to keep at it. Keep up the work. More energy out and fewer calories in. Keep pushing forward. Don’t watch the scale. Don’t drink that beautiful glass of Riesling. No don’t touch that beautiful cigar that was rolled to perfection. Don’t worry, your hips will love you later.

It’s a lot of pressure. I’m just existing. I’m not committed. I’m going through the motions. I need to change my attitude. I need to be committed to lead a healthier lifestyle. It starts with me. I’ve got to change my perception and outlook. I’ve got to be better. It starts with me.

Can I be committed?

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Curvy Girls Can Move Too

During one of my weekly Facebook strolls I came across this fantastic video of a curvy girl getting her love for dance on. Why is this awesome? Because it shows that big girls can move too. The dancer, Whitney Thore, worked it and I wanted to share this video.

Now, I have to tell you that I’m upset by some of the hateful and hurtful things that people are posting on-line about this video. Why is it that people are always quick to hate on plus size women? Some of the comments on this page are so hurtful that I pray that those that are trolling and making evil comments will just stop it. No one deserves to be criticized for their love of dance.

Plus size sisters have it hard. We have to listen to the comments that we’re too big to be at an all you can eat or to big to dance or too big to do yoga. Why is this dancing video too much for you? Do you know how many calories dancing burns? She’s exercising and strengthening her muscles and I’m proud of this sister!

Bravo to Whitney and all my plus sized sisters who love to dance and move.

Please note that you will have to click on the title of this post if you are receiving it by email to access this video.

Imani Cezanne “Flowers”

Wow is all I can say!

I am so moved by this poet’s words that I had to share this. It touched my soul. As someone who is plus sized, grew up without her father, dealt with sexual abuse and all the manifestations of that trauma and life…food became my solace. It comforted me. It didn’t hurt me.

Some people may never understand the true pain of an emotional eater. We judge. We laugh. We act like they don’t exist. We was me when I used to hide behind big clothes to not be noticed. I tried to stop eating. To do fad diets. No results. I had to change me. I had to get to the root of the problem.

I did. I was camouflaging the pain. It is only then that I was able to understand what I was running from and how I could change. I have lost weight (45 pounds to be exact). It is a journey. It is something that I will never stop living. Each day is a gift and I understand it. I don’t use food as a crutch anymore. But, I will never forget.

Fat and Happy

During my daily scroll on the Huffington Post last week, I spotted an interesting article entitled “If You Cannot Love Me Fat Then Don’t Love Me At All” and was instantly intrigued. Why? The title alone screams “Read Me Now”. In a day and age where we are all looking for someone to love or stay in love I wanted to see what the author had to say about loving a fat person.

It’s a great read because the author, Tony Posnanski, is telling his struggles with weight loss and meeting and finding his wife who loved and accepted him from day one as a big guy. He went from 220 pounds when they first met to gaining 75 pounds in the first two months of dating. His weight was up and down and what remained consistent was the fact that his wife loved him just as he was.

Don’t we all wish that someone would love us just the way we are? No trying to change me, just pure acceptance? As a curvy girl myself, I’m not arguing that his weight being up and down is a good thing. We all know the numerous health risks associated with obesity. He doesn’t discuss his issues with weight loss. He just wanted you to know that…If you can’t love me as I am, then don’t love me at all.

 

Girl Using A Tape Measure Checking Her Waistline

 

While some of you may think that it is quite obvious that’s what everyone wants, I would like to let you know that is not the case with curvy folks or specifically curvy girls. As a curvy girl, I’ve had men who wanted to help me get slim or question my workout routine or eating habits. What? Really?

It’s crazy. I don’t diet. I make healthier food choices, drink more water, get plenty of rest and exercise regularly. I want to live for my son. I want to be healthy for him. Not skinny. Healthy. I’m 40 and I have no health problems (knocks on wood). I want to keep it that way.

I want someone that loves me the way that I am knowing that my weight may fluctuate. In my younger days, I was fortunate to date some really great guys who loved me the way I was. One such guy, was Brian. He said that he loved me the way I was and that as long as I didn’t get bigger than him then he would never say a word. I inquired, “What if I do get bigger than you then what?” He looked at me and said, “Then I would say, baby we need to hit the gym. We’re putting on the pounds.” I smiled. I liked that answer. “We”.

There is nothing wrong with being accepted just the way you are today. It may not be pounds like me, but don’t you want acceptance by someone you love? It could be a physical or mental disability, but love should and hopefully would conqueror all.

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My 40th Birthday Weekend!

I plan to grow old gracefully. The key is to remember that grace must be in all that I do. – Tikeetha Thomas

 

I had a great time ushering in a new year, a new age and a new me. I can’t believe that I’m 40 and I am so excited about the possibilities. I had a rough time this weekend which I’ll blog about in a later post but I am so thankful for my experiences. My mama said 40 brings clarity so I’m wishing for clearer skies in navigating my new life.

Here are some pictures from my weekend festivities:

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Until next time loves….