Today is the first day of March. It’s a new month. Time to create micro goals and get to moving. You are now in the third month of 2017 and are you doing what you love? Are you doing what you want? Are you making the changes that you said you would? It’s not to late. Let’s make it happen.
Want to keep in touch? You can find me on social media at the following links: Twitter @mskeeinmd, Facebook page A Thomas Point of View and my Instagram page https://www.instagram.com/mskeeinmd/.
Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. – Khalil Gibran
One of the great things about suffering through adversity, trials and/or tribulations is that you gain a greater understanding of who you are. You learn that you are a survivor. No, you didn’t want to go through the depths of hell to find it out. No, you don’t want the scars that you hide behind baggy clothes as proof that you survived, but face it love….
You did!
You survived. You moved beyond the pain into understanding that although your life or situation may have broken you, YOU SURVIVED. You are moving. That’s it. That’s all. Simple steps. You take them one day at a time.
Take me for example…I’ve survived some of the most painful situations in my life. People don’t know, care or understand the magnitude of what I’ve gone through. It’s cool though. My life is my own and as I’ve often said to folks , “We ain’t getting into heaven on the friends and family plan. We are all going to be judged accordingly.”
Simple huh? You can’t worry about what people say about you. You just have to live the best life you can. You have to find peace with the situations, struggles or people who are not on one accord with you. You have to follow your bliss.
bliss (n)
supreme happiness; utter joy or contentment: ex. wedded bliss.
Following your bliss is not easy. I’m learning to meditate which is different from praying and I started to realize that I may not be very good at meditating. Why? Because they teach you to clear your mind in meditation and just focus. Listen to the outside sounds and be at peace. Do you know how hard that is? I have many things that are running through my mind and I can’t seem to get rid of those thoughts. You know what someone told me?
You don’t have to get rid of those thoughts. Let them flow through you and then let them go. Be at peace with them. Don’t let your worries consume you. I liked that. I couldn’t turn off my mind, but I could choose to listen to the inner spirit tell me to make peace with my decisions. To not let them worry, distract, derail or dissuade me from my purpose. What purpose?
Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not telling you that you will not have unhappy days or bad situations that affect you following your path but you have to push forward in spite of that. Let those thoughts that are on your mind enter into your spirit and then let them go. Make peace with them. It’s okay. How can you make peace and keep your spirit in harmony?
By remembering that you’ve survived worse. That you’ve overcome tragedies, heartaches and illnesses that some will never know. That you are following your bliss to live a simpler happier life.
You don’t have to attend every event that your friend hosts. You don’t have to work late when you really want to go to a movie. You don’t have to meet for happy hour if you want to just go home and sleep. You can do whatever you want as long as you are doing what makes you happy. 
So, what the person next to you doesn’t understand! So, what if your best friend thinks you’re bonkers! So, what! It’s your life. You live it the best way you can not worrying about people’s judgments, beliefs or responses to your decisions. Follow your path. Walk your walk.
As you know spring is here! Although the temperatures here are spring-like today (70 will be the high), I had to start my list and spring clean. What kind of cleaning do I need to do? Cleaning both my personal and professional lives.
Some of the things that I want to do personally:
Some of the things that I want to do professionally:
That’s it. I know it seems like a lot, but I really have to focus and get my mind right. Clear out the winter fog and get busy. I hate lists, but I know if I don’t right it down I can’t remember anything. What about you? What kind of spring cleaning are you planning to do?
Last week I read the below Facebook post and experienced my own Aha moment! Not that there was a great idea associated with the author’s post that I didn’t know, but it was more that I was listening to my inner spirit. My conscience was reminding me that I’m going through a transformation period and like I said in an earlier post, God is telling me to harvest my field. Reading this post reminded me of one fundamental fact…It’s my fault.
It’s my fault if I allow people to disrespect me and the relationships we have. It’s my fault if I don’t acknowledge the brokenness and continue in a perpetual cycle of insanity. Then why can’t I be honest with myself? Why can’t I stop trying to find the good in people and understand that the only thing I can control is…me.
My girlfriend reminded me the other day about this. When we were talking and I was expressing my frustrations about things that were happening and she said it, “Sweetie, you can’t blame them. You need to blame yourself because you are allowing the disrespect, dysfunction or insanity to continue.” She reminded me what the late Dr. Maya Angelou said…
“When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time.”
Yep, I was trying to fix and give people all kinds of chances because I knew I could see good in their character. It isn’t that they aren’t good people. They just aren’t good for me. So, when I read the Facebook post it was confirmation of what my inner spirit was saying. Stop trying to make a square peg fit in a round circle.
I’m my own worst enemy and over the years, I’ve had some amazing and some not so amazing people enter my life. The good ones give me advice that speaks to my spirit years later and reminds me when I’m at a crossroads that I need to evaluate and change things. For example, a young man that I met at my second job outside of college said to me
“Relationships are supposed to be symbiotic which means we both get something from them. If you are the only one giving and you’re not getting anything from it then it is parasitic and you must end it.”
I was 24 when he said this to me. So, how come almost 20 years later I’m just truly understanding the value in what he said? How many of us are staying in parasitic relationships because we believe that we can change the other person? How many of us feel depleted emotionally, spiritually, financially or physically because we can’t let go? Me.
I had arrived at my Aha moment and realized that it is my fault. If I am honest with myself from the start then I will see people for who they truly are the first time. I will embrace the truth – the first time.
Be blessed my loves!
Happy New Year!
Wishing you all the best this day and all year through. Remember to leave your past behind and usher into a new day and a new year with a new attitude. Be grateful. Be consistent. Resolve to make up your rules up as you go along and live life to the fullest. You are destined for greatness and your breakthrough is on its way!
I woke up this morning excited. I have been sick for the last week and a half and it felt good to be out and about and even back at work. I was pumped. Yes, I have some things that are going on. Some worries I’m working through. Some concerns that are on my mind, but I was thankful for another day. I woke up feeling like superwoman. I told myself, “Girl, today is a new day. Yesterday was the past and today is a gift. Be present in the moment and know that no matter what happens today you are incredibly blessed and highly favored.”
Even when it doesn’t seem like it, I need to remember that I am a conqueror and this too shall pass. So, my #motivationalmonday message is based off one of my favorite chapters in the bible: Romans. Romans 8:34-39 which reads:
“Who is to condemn? It is Christ Jesus, who died, yes, who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who indeed intercedes for us.[a] 35 Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will hardship, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? 36 As it is written,
“For your sake we are being killed all day long;
we are accounted as sheep to be slaughtered.”
37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
So, I want to tell you the same thing. You’re a conqueror. Nothing we can do will separate us from the love of Christ. Trust me (I’ve done some things I thought would separate me and He still loves me).
Listen to Estelle’s song “Conqueror” and tell me that you are not inspired. No matter who is counting you out. Estelle sings “I’d rather stand tall than live on my knees because I’m a conqueror and I won’t accept defeat.”
Neither should you. God has already determined that you will win, so love, know that it will happen.
As a black woman, I have to tell you that each time a black person hears a white person say, “I have black friends” there is a collective sigh that tells us that you’re lying and you’re probably a racist. It’s not an accurate statement, but understand that it makes us think that you probably count your colored friends if you can name how many you have. Black people don’t count our friends, but after reading the article in the Washington Post, entitled “Three Quarters of Whites Don’t Have Any Non-White Friends”, I wondered if it really matter and if I had any non-black friends? Do I count them? Am I just like the folks surveyed in this article?
Who knew that when Chris Rock joked in his HBO stand-up that blacks have many white friends, but whites have only one black friend that I could be moving into that circle. But, I have to ask the question…does it matter? Friendships take time to develop and some people are friends for different reasons and experiences. Being a woman we tend to gravitate and bond with like minded women, but does that make that person a friend or an associate? Your neighborhood, environment and experiences can affect your interactions with other people and your ability to develop and define friendships with people of other races.
When I was growing up on a military base in Texas, I was exposed to all different races. However, most of the family on base knew each other. My best friends were white in color but two different nationalities. Sheila was from Tennessee and Kristin’s family was from Mexico. We were called the Three Musketeers by our parents because you would always find us together. Where I went, they went and vice versa. My closest friends lived in my neighborhood and I had a crush on the white boy who lived next door named Charlie. I knew some other black kids who lived on base and we bonded at school, but the military sort of shaped my view on the world. I realized one thing being on an Air Force base in Abilene, Texas…all they cared about was color: blue and your rank. Not race. It wasn’t until I moved away from that base that I realized that the world didn’t operate with a singular track mind. It focused on all things including the color of my skin.
Moving to Maryland was the beginning of that realization. When I came out of the first day of school looking for my school bus among hundreds of others (bear with me, I was 13) and couldn’t find it I began to cry as the buses started pulling out of the school. The bus left me and the principal was kind enough to take me home. I cried all the way and when my mom asked me how was the first day of school? I replied, “I hated it. There were so many black people and they were mean to me.” She gently replied, “Baby, you know you’re black too, right?” I did, but that didn’t mean that I liked the black people I was around. You know the ones that laughed and pointed at me when I wore my Levi’s and cowboy boots (Hey, I was a Texan).
When we moved to the northern part of the county, I was able to develop friendships with other non-black people. I was in advanced classes and student government so it made finding like minds a little simpler. I took Modern Dance and loved history. I was different, but in high school, I was able to find a place in the High School puzzle. I just fit. I had friends from all different races and so did they.
So, what happened? I grew up and formed relationships with people based on common interests and not color. But, if you weren’t in my circle, how could we develop friendships? I formed friendships with a couple of white girls at work that I truly and genuinely adored. They were smart, funny and very caring. I formed friendships with a couple of Asian women at work. They understood me and we formed a sisterhood of solidarity in trying to break the glass ceiling. I formed friendships with other parents as we bonded over our kids. But, I am not a straightforward person that has a line of friends.
My friend chart looks like this, but does it matter?
Does it matter that white people may be in the same situation that I find myself in? Can’t people just find people that they genuinely like and develop relationships with those folks? I don’t think it matters and I am a huge proponent of developing relationships with people that have similar interests. My interests range from the gun range, jazz, hip-hop and hockey. I want to hang out with people that have similar interests as well.
Friendships are fluid. They take time to develop and with social media and getting older, we sometimes lose contact with one another. But, the thing about friends is that you can pick up where you left off without missing a beat, knowing it will be okay. You just go with the flow. We change jobs, addresses, sometimes spouses but the bonds that brought us together as an adult make it easier to stay in touch. Random emails or likes on Instagram or Facebook allow you to know who is in my circle. Some have been there since middle school and others when I moved back to Maryland, but I am thankful and blessed for each relationship and I suggest we spend more time cultivating them instead of trying to make a case of pointing out that skin color separates us.
