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Not Even Superman Texts Faster Than A Pissed-off Girlfriend

woman-texting-text-fast

So…. yeah about that pissed off girlfriend… who texts so fast that you can’t even get one text out before she’s already sent 5. And I when I say 5… I mean 5 loooong texts. You know the ones… your cell phone provider can’t handle the length so they break them up into different texts while you’re still trying to compose one!

Yeah, I’ve been that guy… I’m a generally fast texter, but not one male on the planet earth, matches the raw texting speed of a pissed off girlfriend (or wife). It’s like, in that moment, nothing else matters to her. It’s gets so bad you just stop responding and wait for that brief pause, so you can press send on your 1 measly text.

I’ve gotten so frustrated, that I just put my phone down and let the notifications go off. At that moment when they stop… you pick your phone up, and another one comes through (face palm). So… most men know, when this happens, you have seriously f’d-up. So what’s your next move? You send back a text with 10 words, vs. the 10,000 she sent—and she responds…”that’s all you have to say?”

At that very moment, you have no words… just a blank stare.

Homer-Blank Stare

You start to type in your response, and you stop, read what you typed, and delete it. Then, you start again, stop, and delete it. This redundant process goes on for the next 15 minutes. No sent text, no reply, no rebuttal. If you do happen to press send, you’ve reviewed what you typed like the editor of a world famous magazine.

Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, it’s a bird, it’s a plane, no dammit, it’s your girlfriend trying to get her point across.

My advice?

Let her.

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Things I Let Go

In 2017,  I realized that I wasn’t going to carry other people’s baggage anymore. I’m living proof that you have to go through things in order to get to your happiness. I’m in a happy place. But, I don’t take it for granted.

What I used to do was carry the baggage of others. I would allow them to dump their problems/issues on me and then try to make them feel better. Umm, not going to happen in 2017.

What I realized is that I can’t carry someone else’s baggage. As my girlfriend said “You don’t work for the airlines boo. Tell them to carry their own bags.” No truer words.

I’ve spent much of my life trying to people please. I tend to excuse the negative behaviors of those I love because they may be going through something. Not anymore.

I don’t have the time nor the energy to be anyone’s clean-up woman. I have a wonderful life with a beautiful son and a great man. I have many activities and projects that I’m working on. I don’t have time for the unresolved drama of others.

I know it may seem harsh. But, I can’t. I won’t. And neither should you.

I understand that the world has many people with issues, but I’m in therapy and working on mine. I can’t be around people who are not doing the same. I’m trying  to be better for myself, for my son and for my man. I can’t deal with those that are practicing avoidance.

Life is too short. Let go and get help.

 

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Overwhelming

Sometimes it is overwhelming to deal with people that don’t know how to act. You know the ones that treat you like crap or lash out at you for no reason than they feel like it. You find yourself struggling. Trying to breathe from the overwhelming BS that is shoved your way.

I’m dealing with my issues. I’m an advocate for mental health and therapy. I don’t want to own the baggage of others. I try to separate myself from ignorance and people bringing negativity. Some days are better than others.

It is a struggle to balance both good and evil in your life. But, I’m learning. I have great people that surround me who whisper to me “Don’t let it bother you” “Let it roll off your back” and “Don’t carry their baggage. You’re not a baggage handler.”

I smile.

I struggle with this overwhelming guilt that I’m somehow being a bad Christian, sister, daughter, human being if I push back. It’s a learning process. I’m learning to not be overwhelmed.

 

This post was inspired by the Daily Prompt. The word was overwhelming.

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Blurred Lines

Let’s talk about blurred lines. No, I’m not talking about Robin Thicke’s 2013 hit “Blurred Lines”. I’m talking about blurring lines when dating. You know the thing many of us are probably doing now without knowing it. I’m going to include myself in this because I don’t want you to feel singled out and trust me, I understand how easy it is to blur lines. Been there and done that.

I was speaking with a  few friends last year about how men and/or women blur lines and the conversation stuck with me. Why? Because I know some people that are blurring lines with folks right now and I told them that they need to stop because inevitably the other person ends up getting hurt. Even if they knew the “rules”of the situationship you two were putting yourselves in.

Situationship – a situation that is a sorta relationship, but not really. Not  a “real” relationship that will be claimed. You’re in a situation with someone that is not really definable.

I know some of you may be thinking…”I told them what I want and don’t want up front so he/she shouldn’t be catching feelings.” How can you not catch feelings? Are you a robot? Aren’t we all human and feelings are an integral part of us? Does the presence of truth mean that someone can’t/won’t get hurt? Nope. It just means that it will hurt later.

I wrote about in my first short story which was a loosely based piece of fiction about my own life. My main character was friends with a man and that changed one day. They crossed the lines even though she knew what he wanted (no commitment). She fell in love with him because they kept blurring lines. How? By doing too much. She “caught” feelings for someone who couldn’t, wouldn’t or didn’t know how to love her the way she wanted and needed.  She wanted more.

Doesn’t this always happen?

Yes, it does if you blur the lines. Stop it! LOL! In trying to help you be better (because I love you so much) I came up with a list of top 5 ways that you may be blurring the lines in hopes that you can stop. Why? Because you don’t want to lose a good friend by sleeping with them and blurring the lines.

My Top 5 Ways You May Be Blurring The Lines:

1. Your “friend” is a cool person that you spend a considerable amount of time with, but you’re too weak to define the relationship because you are not quite sure how you feel about being in a relationship. But, you call, hang out, text and have substantial conversations on a daily basis.

Question:  Are you blurring the lines?

Answer:  Yep, you’re blurring the lines.

2. You let your “friend” spend the night at your residence on a consistent basis because you like waking up next to them. You enjoy their company, scent and friendship but you’re not in a relationship with them.

Question:  Are you blurring the lines?

Answer:  Yep, you’re blurring the lines.

3. You spend time making out with your  “friend” kissing them and genuinely being concerned about their well being. You don’t rush intimate relationships when you have the chance. You want to spend time getting to know them and how their day was because you genuinely care.

Question:  Are you blurring the lines?

Answer:  Yep, you’re blurring the lines.

4. When you’re out in public, you display affection on a regular and consistent basis by kissing, holding hands or touching your “friend”. Anyone watching you two would believe that you are a couple.

Question:  Are you blurring the lines?

Answer:  Yep, you’re blurring the lines.

5. When you offer to accompany your “friend” to their house of worship, child’s school program or activity, meet their friends or suggest that you go on trips out of town on vacation.

Question:  Are you blurring the lines?

Answer:  Yep, you’re blurring the lines.

 

When I was younger and dating in my twenties I was dating a man who I loved more than I thought I ever could. He said he loved me, but not in the way I wanted. It hurt like hell. But, he would call me up and ask me to come over at midnight because he was laying in his bed and couldn’t sleep alone. He needed me there. I would go. Pack a bag and my books (I was in college) and he would pick me up.

But, he didn’t want a relationship, right? We would spend countless hours just being in each other’s presence. He read my papers, listened to my speeches and encouraged me to run for offices in school. I was hooked. Well, for Valentine’s Day that year he came over and brought me a dozen long stemmed red roses and a diamond tennis bracelet. Yep, it was real. I was furious with the gifts. Why? Because the gifts didn’t say I love you as a friend. Red roses and diamonds. WE blurred the lines until I decided I couldn’t take it anymore.

Lesson learned. I don’t want blurred lines. Blurred lines caused me to cry for two weeks straight and not really believe in love. Love was foreign, not to be trusted and it hurt like hell. I resisted love for many years after that. I had affection for folks. I was very fond of people, but love, that wasn’t happening.

If you’re doing any of the above things, I would advise you to stop. Talk to your “friend” and be up front and honest about your feelings and stop blurring lines. Save yourself for someone who values who you are and wants the same things that you want. Know it up front. You can’t change someone. Stop letting random folks who think you are special enough for a relationship but don’t want to commit get privileges they shouldn’t have. Develop genuine friendships and not have “friends” who you blur lines with.

Love Ya’ll.