Farewell 2014

As this year is coming to a close, I wanted to breathe a huge sigh of relief and say “Dog Gone We Made It!” Yep, we survived 2014. It flew by and as we get ready to usher in a new year it is incumbent on us to reflect on what things we did and what we hope to do differently in the upcoming year. Yeah 2015!

I told you that I love hope because it is filled of possibilities, well this is an awesome time for me because it is the time that I can hope for new things. I don’t do resolutions. I try to look over my life for the last 12 months and resolve to do better with somethings or to try new things. Things that are measurable and can actually be accomplished.

So, what do I resolve to do in 2015?

  • Laugh more – Truly. I think this year, I’ve laughed more than I ever had in the last 3 years. It is awesome and I want to keep it up.
  • More – I talked about wanting more earlier this year and that’s what I intend to do. Ask for more, give more and be more. I can change my mind if I want too. More says I’m worth it.
  • Travel – My car insurance took me for a loop this year, so I can’t afford much, but I would love to take day trips or weekend getaways.
  • Meet new people – This year I’ve met 5 new people that I actually talk to on a consistent basis. We are developing and nurturing friendships. I want to keep that up.
  • Continue to grow – I spent many years hiding in the uncomfortable spaces by trying not to be noticed or let people know what I wanted. I don’t want to do that.
  • Dance in the rain – Yep, I want to do it. Not sure when because let’s be real…A sister doesn’t like to mess up her hair. LOL! But, I want to do it.
  • Finish my book – I want to bring the characters to life for you. Not to become rich, but that I may grow and share my work with people who will find it both interesting and relevant.
  • Learn two more things about myself – This year I’ve learned quite a few things about myself and I pray that learning process will continue because it is only then that I can love, learn, redirect and accept the things that I need to change.
  • Let go – I want to truly let go of some of the things that created barriers and walls in my life. I want to bring them down and mend some relationships, but more importantly, heal.

That’s it for me. Not really resolutions but a list of hopeful things that I would love to accomplish in 2015. What about you?

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In Search of More

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.”

Mother Teresa

Okay so I’m working on my first book which will be fiction (very loosely) based off my life and experiences. It’s weird because I’ve never intended to write fiction, just tell my story. My truth. My way. With no filter. The response to my two short stories have created a surge to write the story of a woman named Faith and her experiences with a man named Teddy.

I’m so excited because the respect and appreciation for my short stories have increased my Twitter followers, Facebook friends and followers to this blog. This means that people get me. You don’t know how wonderful that makes me feel. It is an amazing feeling and I thank you for your continued support.

That being said, I have no plans to quit my job and write full-time (primarily because I love and need my health benefits) but I just want to share this woman’s story. What makes it interesting is that I can see parts of me, my friends, family and women I’ve met on this journey into everything I write now. We all want more. Whether it be a poem or short story I feel like I’m weaving a tapestry that tells one story for everyone…the search for more. More. We don’t want to settle. We know we deserve it but oftentimes we find ourselves trapped in situations where we accept what we can get instead of pulling ourselves away from things that don’t give us more.

My search for more has opened my eyes to things that I never thought I would experience and anthems about taking back your power that I am in awe of how I’m subconsciously moving and gravitating towards my destiny without even knowing it. In other words, I’m not settling. I’m asking, no rather DEMANDING more. More for me.

I hope you do the same love.

By Faith on Soar

My latest short story was published on one of my favorite websites. I originally wrote it to end the way I wrote it, but the response to write a second part has been overwhelming. I am extremely happy that people like it and they want to know what happens next. Please read it and give me your feedback.

It’s called By Faith and you can check it out here

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I Have My Moments

A couple of weeks ago, I posted this on Facebook:

From the mommy diaries…I’m gonna pat myself on the back because I rock. After taking care of munch with his respiratory infection this week, missing work, missing his homework and not having time to write, I was able to Google translate his French homework packet in 2.5 hours last night, email the teacher with questions I didn’t understand, go to work today, knock out 2 of the 12 items due, pay bills, order his halloween costume, pay for Tae Kwan Do, order Chipotle for dinner, pick him up, eat and help him with 2 hours worth of homework to have him in bed by 9 pm because tomorrow is another busy day with the start of church school. Whew! ‪#‎momsrock‬ ‪#‎mommymoment‬‪#‎brennansmom‬

As many of you may have guessed, I have a supermom attitude when it comes to my son. That week, I was super proud of all the things I was able to accomplish in the limited amount of time with a sick child. I want to make sure that I am not only giving munch my best, but being the best with juggling motherhood and working. But, I have to admit it does get exhausting.

Why do I do it? Part supermom complex. Part insanity. I’m an overachiever when it comes to my son. I want to show the world that you can have it all. I struggle to make sure that my son never feels neglected by me (physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially, etc.). So, I am the mom who does custom holiday cards (complete with a fall photo shoot) and all. I send thank you cards, teach church school, attend Bible studies, attend PTSA meetings, update his website, blog, write my own book, order uniforms, buy new outfits for school pictures, take him to swimming, soccer, bake cakes, do play dates and attend every birthday party we’re invited too. Why? Because I’m crazy. That’s probably the simplest and best answer I can provide.

If I don’t do it, I feel like I’m somewhat being an underachiever and cheating munch out of opportunities that I didn’t have as a child being raised by a single parent. I feel guilty. I wanted him so much, but I want a career too so in order to make sure there is balance, I want to do it. I need to do it. But, doing it all exhausts me. It leaves me feeling drained and not having enough time to enjoy myself. It’s that whole supermom complex.

How bad is it? Well, this year I wanted to sign him up for cub scouts and went to the first meeting with him and his dad. He loved it! I learned all the wonderful things that the kids do and then I also learned all the things that the parents are expected to do as well. This was a heavy parent involvement chapter. I was cool with it. So, another 3 hours a week of more stuff to do? Sure, No problem. I can handle it. But, not everyone was up for the challenge.

His father had sent an email and said that he didn’t think he should do cub scouts now because he’s being over scheduled. I responded “Bye, Felicia! He’s not being over scheduled. He’s fine.” I huffed, you don’t know what you’re talking about. Supermom can handle it. Right?

Well, I could handle it or so I thought until munch got sick with a respiratory infection and I was out of work, in and out of the doctor’s office and nursing my six year old. I was tired. No school. Well, when you’re in a French Immersion program, you need to be at school. Missed days equal missed learning opportunities. We had to play catch-up. In my exhausted state, I sent an email back to his dad and said, “I think you may have a point in no cub scouts yet. While I disagree that he’s being over scheduled, he has a lot going on and school has always been our main priority and focus. That being said, I will wait until later in the year.”

Yep, I sucked it up and bit the bullet and realized that sometimes life will throw you a curve ball and you need to adjust. You need to regroup and refocus your priorities. I refocused and realized that the most important thing in the world to me is a happy and healthy child. It’s my number one priority. So, I have my moments of clarity that remind me that I don’t need to do it all or be it all. Munch will be just fine.

This is one of those moments.

Vacation Chronicles: Tampa

I returned from a great weekend in Tampa bonding with my best friend yesterday and I wanted to share some things that I’ve learned about me on this mini-vacation of self-reflection. As many of you know, I’m doing a lot of soul searching during this time to try and find out what my needs are and what my wants are. Apparently, they’re not the same. LOL. So, I started from the minute I got to the airport and decided to jot down a few things that I learned or rediscovered about myself.

▪ I like flying. It’s only when I am taking off and my stomach does that flip and I think “Oh God, please don’t let us crash” that I truly realize what a blessing it is to be able to fly in an airplane. The best part about flying? When your airfare cost $2.10.
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▪ I can travel with one carry-on and not the whole world. I’m trying to downsize my wardrobe when traveling and only packing the essentials. This Tampa trip allowed me the opportunity to see if I could do it. You know what? I could and I did.
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▪ I like hotel living. Even after living in a hotel earlier this year for 4 1/2 weeks, there is something sweet about not having to make my bed or pick up my towels, wash clothes, cook or clean. Yep, I’m spoiled.

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▪ I can relax. I can actually sit back, relax and have a vacation without planning out every single aspect of the trip. I am letting go of my controlling tendencies and just going with the flow. Taking the road I think I should travel. No matter the length, I’m enjoying the ride.
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▪ I love sisterhood. My best friend and I have known each other since we were 13. This was the second time that we have traveled together and the first time for us traveling by ourselves. (not counting when she visited me almost every weekend when I lived in NYC) to sort of commemorate and renew our friendship. We had a very relaxing time.
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▪ I love the beach. I love water and I love sand. I love the feel of the sun kissing my skin so gently that my skin color turns a golden brown or as my friend described “a pretty orange color”.
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▪ I love trying new drinks that I’ve never tried. Especially when they’re cheap. I am a nerd with cool tendencies and I love it. Check out this cool drink I had called the purple nerd.
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▪ I’m simple. I like good food, family and friends. I also love a good book. Finished reading the entire Divergent Series. On to the next one. I think I’m going to read Black Women in White America by Gerda Lerner next.
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▪ I’m sharing. I’ve always been very private in my writing and sharing of information about myself, ideas and family and through encouragement from my bestie, I’ve learned to open up and let people in. This blogging and writing has become real and I love when people say that they can relate. It means you get me.

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This year has been one for the books. But, my faith has been strengthened and I am taking charge of my own destiny. I am looking into my future with courage instead of despair and believing, no knowing that I will be fine.

What I’ve Learned

It’s almost time for Brennan’s third birthday party and I have been reflecting on what I’ve learned in the last two years and I wanted to share some of my “mommy moments” with you:

  • Boys are fearless, so relax and go with the flow. Brennan has shown that he has no problem stacking his toys up on a chair, climbing to the top and jumping off. I freak out and try my hardest not to scream out in a blood curdling voice, but I realized that he has no fear. He loves to see what he can do next. My goal is to try to make it safe for his dare devil antics. I tell him softly and sweetly, “Honey, that may be too high, let’s try this.” I support his independence, but I don’t want to end up in the emergency room. I just relax and go with the flow.
  • Boys speak when they have something to say. Brennan is incredibly smart and well-spoken is what I’m hearing from a lot of the adults around us. I tell them, I’m amazed because he just started speaking less than a year ago. When Brennan went in for his 18 month check-up his doctor was worried because all he said was “mommy, daddy and more.” She explained that children his age should be saying more. I told her that he babbles, but that I didn’t want to push him in speaking too soon. I believed that he would talk when he’s ready. She still encouraged me to get him evaluated by a professional speech therapist. One snowy Thursday in February of last year, my husband and I drove to Children’s Hospital Speech Therapy lab in Washington, D.C. for an evaluation. The gentleman talked to us and talked to Brennan. He explained that Brennan understands him, we just want to get the words out. He told me that I could wait until he’s 2 or we could start now. I told him that I wanted to wait. Brennan would speak when he has something to say. He started speaking when he was 28 months old and he hasn’t stopped. It’s amazing!
  • Cuddles & Kisses time is a must. One of the things I started doing with Brennan is cuddles and kisses time. This is our time to cuddle, kiss and talk about how his day went. I spend this time holding him in my arms telling him how much I love him and how proud of him that I am. I wanted to make sure that when Brennan grows up, he can remember being in my arms, safe and loved. He is the best gift God could have given me and I tell him every day during our 5 minute daily routine. I believe that I am encouraging his spirit and letting him know that no matter what he is loved and wanted. Cuddles & Kisses Time is our nightly routine.
  • Opinions can sometimes be too much. I love the fact that Brennan now tells us what he wants to wear each day, but sometimes it gets overwhelming. He will yell out, “I don’t want to wear yellow today” even though we are running late. He will go into the store with me and start picking up clothes that he likes. He will change people’s names on purpose and speak to me slowly when he confirms what he’s done. He’s becoming independent, but sometimes the way he is doing it is too much. I try to understand and go with the flow, but most times I shake my head in amazement paying homage to my mother. Was I really like this?
  • I’m sorry sucks. At this age, Brennan has learned to say, “I’m sorry” for everything. It drives me nuts. Are you really sorry? Why did you do it? Why did you do it again even after you said I’m sorry? All of these things are frustrating to me and I decided one day to ask Brennan after he did something and said I’m sorry what is he sorry about. I asked, “Brennan are you really sorry? Are you sorry for pulling out all of your books on the floor and not putting them back? Are you sorry for pulling all of your covers on the floor and walking away? What about coloring on the walls, are you sorry for that?” He pauses and replies, “Um, no. I’m sorry mommy”. I’m sorry sucks.
So, those are all the wonderful things that I’ve learned during the terrible two stage. I can’t wait to see what he shows me at 3.